I Want To Be Front Page News!
by VirtualMemory
Summary: News reports of an 'alien-beast' surround the area of South Park. A new kid desperately struggles to fit in with his new classmates. Police are baffled totally clueless when it comes to finding a mass-murderer. How do all these tie together? Let's leave that to a bunch of 4th Graders to work out. (A plot created by merging several South Park episodes together).
1. Author's Greetings!

**Author's Greetings!**

**Summary**;

Welcome to my latest story! Firstly thanks for clicking the link and hopefully you'll find my story enjoyable! I have the entire plot of this story sorted out and it should be a pretty decent sized story if I decide to finish it. Without giving too much away, the plot is going to use a **mixture** of **South Park episode plots merged into one** to create a brand new idea. If for some reason I decide to drop this story, I'll leave the last chapter as the overall basis-plot so you can work out how it all ends or even come up with your own ending!

**Warning**;

**This story is rated T mainly for it's language, but overtime it may be increased.**

**This story does include an OC but** **doesn't solely revolve around it**. **The OC, is used more for the benefit of helping me actually write the story by using views from an unbiased character**. If you want to, you can totally pretend that the OC is you, to help you feel more comfortable with the idea of OC's. If you just straight-out hate OC's no matter what, then I'm afraid this story might not be for you.

** Shameless Plug**;

If you want to ask questions, give me ideas, give me advice or just want to tell me something you liked or disliked about the story feel free in the **Review Section**. I love receiving feedback from people reading my stories, because it **lets me know that people actually are reading**, and it **allows me to focus more solely on one point, or improve certain areas of my writing skills**. Just take note, that **I like receiving constructive criticism... but I will totally ignore any hate**.

**Disclaimer**;

As much as I wish it were true, **I don't own South Park or any of it's characters**. The only thing I do own, is the merged concept plot of the story, and I guess the OC too, but like I said; Feel free to believe that you are in the role of the OC. Finally; **I hope you enjoy the story**. It's going to be a long one probably, and I hope you'll all stick around for it! :)


	2. An Argumentative Beginning

**Chapter One**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Okay class, today we have a new student. Isn't that nice Mr Hat?", came the low drawl from my new teacher for the following year or so. He had a glazed look in his eyes as he stared intensely into the button eyes of a ragged puppet. A ragged puppet he was gripping on to as if it were to run away if he were to let it go.

"That's right Mr Hat", whispered the teacher into the puppets cheek.

"Can- Can I sit down now?", I asked quietly. The teacher turned to face me with his eyebrows lowered into a quizzical glare-like fixture.

"Fine. It's Mr Garrison by the way", he spat spitefully before turning on the spot to face the chalkboard. "Okay today children we're going to be talking about Tyra Banks and why it's hypocritical for her to be hosting a model tv show". Questions raced through my head when today's lesson aim was said aloud, but I thought it best to keep my mouth shut while I surveyed the classroom for a seat.

"Hey there good fellow. I notice you're from England as well. Come sit by me! We can be friends", offered a blonde hair boy welcomingly as I walked towards the desks. He wore a deep red coat with a coffee-brown flat-cap resting lazily ontop his wavy yellow hair. I smiled my thanks and sat down next to the only child who had seemingly taken any notice of me.

"Where do you come from then my good fel-".

"Not another Pip goddammit!", snorted a rather large boy from behind, purposely interrupting Pip. I turned to face him, a questioning glare engraved on my face. He took in my glare with indifference. "What is a Pip?", I asked, curiosity obviously getting the better of me.

"Hello", the English boy waved enthusiastically, teeth protruding from the grin that seemed to eclipse his face. "I'm Pip", he continued, calmly holding out his hand for me to shake, "what's your name old chap?".

The fat-boy rolled his eyes at Pip's behavior and mumbled the word faggot under his breath. Pip clearly heard this as his smile faltered a little, but he tried to remain as unaffected by the insult as he could. Noticing that his derogatory term hadn't really affected Pip, the fat-boy turned his attention me so that he could learn my name, a look of disinterest plastered across his bulbous face.

"My name's Nathan", I replied while shaking Pip's hand firmly. He smiled in return while the fat-boy rolled his eyes for the second time. Obviously becoming very bored with the conversation I tried to re-engage his interest. "What's your name then".

"Eric... Eric Cartman. But you don't need to know that because I don't associate myself with French people", he spat. A few girls and boys scattered around the class laughed at his remark while Pip turned to face the front, his face turning crimson as he uttered various curses to himself.

"I'm English, not French", I retorted snobbishly as I took of my burgundy beanie-hat to remove any traces of snow from outside that still remained on my hat. Dad had said we were moving to a mountainous town where snow was very common, but I hadn't expected the snow to be that extreme.

Eric laughed muskily, slapping his hand off his desk violently while a few children sat around him, looked at him curiously. "French AND Ginger! God must've hated you!", he cackled, spit spraying onto his desk in a desperate flee to escape his mouth. He gained a few laughs for that remark while some kids gave him the evilest of glares, but none more evil then one coming from a dark-haired girl dressed entirely in purples and pinks. I blushed furiously, entirely and completely mortified by the entire situation. To avoid any more embarrassment I decided to turn towards the teacher while I forced my hat back onto my head.

"Just ignore him my good man", whispered Pip as he noticed my reddened state.

"Is he always like this?", I replied. My voice equally as quiet and hushed.

"Mr Garrison!", shouted Fatty McFattison from behind, using a sickeningly sweet tone.

"What Eric", sighed Mr Garrison tiredly, obviously deciding not to turn away from the chalkboard.

"Pip and Na..? Nath..?", he paused in thought before continuing, "the new kid keep talking, an-and it's distracting me".

Again, deciding not to turn away from the board Mr Garrison responded.

"Boys, quieten down or I'll have to move the one of you". Pip made a defeated expression while I turned to glare towards Eric. He smiled falsely to the back of the teachers head before turning to face me.

"I thought I told you that I don't associate myself with French people. Especially not ginger French people so turn around you fucking piece of crap", he spat viciously, his eyes glistening a menacing red.

"By the looks of it, the only thing you associate yourself with is pie you fat fuck", I spat back venomously. Eric's face contorted in to a mixture of disbelief and anger as kids laughter serenaded the situation. Even Pip snickered under his breath quietly, obviously happy that someone had finally stuck up to the egotistical schmuck sat behind him.

"That was good kid", snickered a boy through his one hand, while he used the other to maneuver his green ushanka hat more comfortably on his head.

"Hey Jew! I will kick you square in the nuts!", Eric snapped, simultaneously flipping the boy off. Before I could be brought back into the argument I turned my head to face the front. Happy, that for the meanwhile I was going to be left alone and could focus on some actual schoolwork...

"...and that children, is why people class the show as shitty. Now, lets discuss the fact that several countries have even copied and made their own versions of the show, and talk about which dunderhead is to blame for airing such a terrible show worldwide".

...On second thoughts, I think I'll choose to pay attention to the argument that was quickly beginning to become a bit more heated. A boy wearing a blue and red bobble-hat was now engrossed in the conflict which seemed to drastically increase in size, enveloping people into the chaos.

"Stan, would you be quiet because you're distracting me", whimpered Eric in a high-pitched whiny tone.

"Shut up Cartman!", growled the 'Jew' as he positioned himself more carefully on his seat.

"Sticking up for your girlfriend again Kyle" joked Eric maliciously. As this was said, a blonde boy in a light blue shirt stood up from the desk to the right of mine.

"C'mon guys, we- we can all just let this go and be friends again, huh?", questioned the blonde, a slight southern-accent accompanying his reasoning.

"Shut up Butters", sighed another boy who was sporting a blue chullo-hat. He lifted his head to inspect Butters before lazily retiring his head back to the top of his desk. This earned a few snickers from a brunette boy sat next to chullo-hat-boy.

"Yeah Butters! Listen to Craig you dildo", he laughed to himself, causing his reddish coat to crinkle and crease. 'Butters' frowned sadly as he reluctantly sat back down in his chair. Within seconds it was easy to notice that tears were threatening to burst from his eyes.

"Don't be so rude to Butters you assmaster!", threatened a blonde girl, who had obviously also noticed how upset 'Butters' was becoming. Even though it didn't cheer him up completely, knowing that someone was defending helped Butters fight off the tears forming in his eyes. However, before he could thank the girl he was cut off.

"What you going to do now Clyde. Little miss lesbian just called you assmaster", chuckled Eric menacingly and his stared directly into 'little miss lesbians' eyes, purposely trying to intimidate her. It was obvious that Eric was enjoying this argument a little too much.

"Don't call Bebe a lesbian you fat cunt", hissed the dark-haired girl from before. In return Eric flipped her off and mouthed the word bitch. "I'll fucking kick your ass again", she spat, as she lifted her clenched fists... as if to exaggerate a point.

"Fella's, don- don'tcha think this is getting a little out of hand now", interjected Butters nervously, as he fiddled with his hands so that he could have some sort of distraction.

"Butters, for god sake shut your god damn hippie mouth", barked Eric. With that, Butters burst into tears.

"Lads, I agree with Butters. All this is so very stup-".

"Shut up Pip!", several people whined simultaneously, fully intending to cut Pip off.

The arguing seemed to amplify, totally unnoticed by Mr Garrison who was currently drawing some crude drawings onto his chalk board.

"Am I in hell?", I whispered to myself exasperatedly, as the other children continued to argue amongst themselves. "Seriously? Have I died and gone to hell!?", I almost screamed. I half expected a camera crew to burst into the classroom, telling me that this was all a hoax and that no school could be this crazy. They'd congratulate me on working it out, and there'd be laughs all around. Then we'd all party and everything would be fabulous. Now...

"that would be awesome", I thought out loud, obviously letting my imagination run away with me. Luckily I was unheard by the rest of the class who were still arguing in the gargantuan argument that was underway.

"Heh heh", sniffed the crying Butters. Unheard by everyone, except one. I turned to face 'Butters', my face blushing red from being caught effectively thinking out loud to myself. Smiling, he rubbed one of his eyes to remove any traces that he'd been crying. After that, he looked at me through his one remaining eye and chuckled quietly. "You're funny", smiled Butters, unintentionally revealing a toothy grin.

I wasn't really in the mood to socialise with these people any more, but Butters had only just stopped crying, so I thought it would be a lot better if I smiled my thanks, rather than just act ignorant and cold. Unfortunately he took my smile as an excuse to begin a conversation.

"So yo- your the new kid huh?", he asked with a tone very contrasting compared to the behemoth argument that was still occurring around us. How the teacher had still not noticed this monster of an argument by now was beyond me.

"Err... yeah. Me, my mom and my dad moved into one of the small brown houses about five minutes away", I replied grinning.

"Don't ya' have any brothers or sisters?", he asked with what seemed to be genuine curiosity. Maybe 'Butters' wasn't as bad a person compared to some of the other people in this class. Realising I still hadn't answered him, I hurried myself to think of an answer.

"Erm. No, what about you?".

"Naa", he sighed with a sad expression. I twiddled my thumbs impatiently waiting for him to continue. "What's your name then fella?", he asked.

"Nathan", I answered smiling. I was actually beginning to make my first new friend in this quaint little mountain town. Pip probably would've been my first proper friend here if fatso hadn't poked his nose where it wasn't wanted. I'll just have to get to know Pip at break or something.

"What's your name then anyways?", I questioned in return, "Or is Butters actually your name?".

"Nah' my n-name is Leopold Stotch", he replied while messing with hands, "People call me Butters because it sounds like Buttersco-".

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU KYLE YOU JEW PIECE OF CRAP!". With that, me and Butters twisted on our seats to face Eric, matching shocked expressions on both of our faces... On everyone's faces... On Mr Garrison's face...

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**How was that for a first chapter? Hopefully you guys liked it? I literally wanted to introduce as many characters as I could so I thought what's the best way to introduce characters? I know! A massive argument ahah. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy. There will probably be about 2 more introductory chapters which begin to indicate pieces of the plot.**

** Also, if you don't mind... please, please, please, leave a review. Tell me what you liked! Tell me what you didn't like! Tell me what I could improve on! I don't mean to beg, but I just like receiving feedback. **

** Disclaimer; South Park isn't owned by me at all... I can pretend it is though... right? No? Damn.**


	3. Swearing Is Bad M'Kay

**Chapter Two**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Swearing is bad. M'kay? You should never swear children because it's very bad. M'kay?". After Eric's little rant in which he shouted 'Fucking Jew' at the top of his lungs, Mr Garrison had decided to bring in the school councillor Mr Mackey. He had been speaking AT us for the past half hour. Practically 30 minutes about the obscenities of using swear words and how it's very bad to swear. A whole 30 minutes he had been talking about the same topic and much like everyone else, I had heard just about enough. Sighing with added emphasis I retreated my head into my hands and wished for Mr Mackey's tedious low-toned voice to stop.

"Eric, can I ask why you swore now? M'kay?", he pried. Eric sighed audibly before cutting his eyes at Kyle.

"Kyle called me a fat ass", he hissed.

"Kyle called me a fat ass", mimicked Kyle, purposely trying to irritate Eric further than what he already was. Stan seemed to find this immature and instead decided to roll his eyes.

"Fuck you Jew!", Eric spat back.

Of course, using 'fuck' following the half-hour hate-campaign on swearing that we just had to endure was probably not a good idea.

"Eric!", gasped Mr Garrison who was currently sat upright at his desk, the folds in his forehead fully emphasising the anger he was feeling.

"What!?", Eric spat totally oblivious to what he had said.

"You just said fuck", I sighed tiredly, completely fed up of hearing about the consequences of using swear wor- Did I just say that out loud?

"Nathan?", questioned Mr Mackey accusingly, obviously surprised to believe that I had just swore out loud on my first day at school. Shit. I was such a fucktard sometimes.

"Yes?", I replied, inwardly cringing to myself. Before Mr Mackey could reply, Mr Garrison had shot up and was out of his seat.

"That's it! Something needs to be done about these hooligans!". He stampeded towards Mr Mackey, stopping himself from colliding into him right at the last moment. "These brats need to be taught that swearing is wrong from someone more competent", Mr Garrison continued, making sure to add extra emphasis to word 'competent'. so that Mr Mackey would be fully aware that he was being insulted right to his face. Ironically the insult washed over him like water off a duck's back. Mr Mackey had been called a lot worse in his life time, so being called-out for being incompetent hardly offended him. Clearly deciding to ignore the insult, he smiled towards the teacher infront of him.

"Well what do you suggest..? M'kay", Mr Mackey asked, in a very timid manner. Mr Garrison seemed to pause in thought, his face showing nothing but utter-concentration. After a couple minutes he sprang into action. Grabbing a piece of chalk he began to write his plan on the blackboard in a rushed manner. Mr Mackey was simply mesmerised by the speed of his colleagues writing, much like most of the class who had probably not really paid him any attention during their school lives. Within seconds the frantic writings of Mr Garrison had stopped. He stepped back in admiration, proudly marveling at his masterpiece.

"What is it?", came Craig's curious nasally voice from behind. Mr Garrison span comically on the spot, fully parading the fact that he was proud of his masterplan.

"Children...", he almost sang, "How would you like to go to Stark Forest Appreciation Scout-Camp this weekend?". He was met with a wave of mumbles and cries of protest, but instead of reacting negatively he just laughed loudly, his cackle riptiding through the air.

"You take charge. I need to print of the letters for the kids to give their parents", he giggled to Mr Mackey as he rushed out of the classroom. Within seconds Mr Mackey was rushing after Mr Garrison, shouting frantically about teachers not being allowed to leave their students. Almost instantaneously after his departue, I could feel the accusing glares of about fifteen different fourth graders. If looks could kill people, then I would've probably been reduced to a pile of mush and goo. Even Pip of all people looked a little annoyed with me. Drowning in the hatred that was now manifesting around me I slumped back in my chair, face glowing bright crimson.

"I'mma kick that kids ass", whispered Eric behind me in a cruel and vile manner.

"Shut up Cartman", Stan spat back, his face contorted in anger. Kyle then leaned over, his face practically identical to Stans.

"Yeah Cartman. This is just as much your fault as it is his". I mentally reminded myself to thank Stan and Kyle later for defending me.

"If anyone needs their ass kicked it's the both of you".

Scratch that. The only thing I'm going to remind myself is to run for my life when the bell rings for recess.

"Don't threaten me you Jew", Cartman spat back nervously, obviously worried incase they decided to kick his ass aswell as mine.

"Hey!", came Stan's irritated voice. "Good going new kid".

Oh.

He was talking to me.

How did I know that this, was going to be terrible, terrible day?

I reluctantly turned to face him, my face still an illuminous shade of red.

"I hope you're happy. You've got us going to some faggy camp in the middle of woods", Stan ranted, his hands flailing wildly as he spoke.

"I- I'm sorry", I mumbled. I sheepishly turned my head so that I could address the whole class, most of which were either glaring at me or glaring at Eric. "I'm sorry everyone. I- I was just fed up an- and- and I wasn't thinki-".

"It's okay fella", Butters shyly interrupted, with a tone that made it sound more like a question instead of a declarative. Butters was most likely, not happy about possibly being sent to some appreciation camp, however he was more than likely just trying to make me feel better for getting the whole class sent to some camp during the weekend.

"No. No it's not okay fella", mimicked Clyde evily, simultaneously insulting Butters and dampening my spirits further. So much for Butters making me feel better. I'd have to remember to thank Butters for trying though. It was more than what anyone else was doing.

"Because of you and fatass we have to go in some killer infested woods for some stupid lessons about not swearing", Kyle complained as he dejectedly lay his head on his desk. The surrounding 4th graders all groaned in unison. By now I was sure that my face was probably the shade of a tomato, as I seriously couldn't think of a way I could ever feel more embar- Wait. What? What did he say?

"Killer!?".

"Yeah. It's been all over the news. Mangled bodies found scattered all over the place. Loads of missing limbs and stuff...", he continued, his voice slightly muffled by the desk his head was currently positioned on.

"What!?", I almost yelled, the terror on my face obviously seeming comical to Eric who was now laughing under his breath.

"There's a murderer around the forest dickhole. What's so hard to understand about that?", hissed Stan sarcastically.

"I'd be more worried about the alien beast that lives in the forest if I was you", interjected a boy whose name I'd previous learnt to be Token. Murderers? Alien beasts? What on Earth is wrong with this town?

"No the murderer is obviously more scary", stated Craig as he maneurved himself to find a comfier position in his chair. As Craig finished speaking the bell went for recess, everyone getting up from their seats except for Eric who sat there twiddling his thumbs.

"Craig. Alien beasts are terrifying. They're from a different planet for peaks sake", Eric argued falsly, obviously trying to get everyone in the class to forget about how they were going to kick his ass... and mine. However, I had a theory that him trying to maintain the change of topic was more for his benefit rather than mine. In no less than 5 seconds the class was back in arms, argung with each other over which was scarier. A murderer or an alien beast. I thought that a murderer was way scarier than an alien beast, mainly because aliens don't exist. AND even if they did exist, what would they be doing in a town like South Park? Either way I didn't mind, this little debate had provided me with enough time to escape the classroom before anyone else. All I had to do now was survive until home time and I would be safe.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Kicking my shoes off, I sighed heavily and threw my school bag towards the bottom of the stairs. However, due to the fact that one of my eyes was now swollen and purple following the beatings I received from the kids in my year, my bag actually missed the stairs completely, spilling it's contents all over the floor. I sighed loudly, crouched down and began shoving stationary back into my school bag.

"Dinner's on the table son", came my mom happy voice from the kitchen. Obviously, the noise I made failing to throw my bag had notified her that I was home.

"Oh? Is this little Nathan I've been hearing about?", came another voice, which apparently was also situated in the kitchen. I had never heard this voice before but I chose to ignore it, believing that food was a little bit more important than socialising with anyone else in this god forsaken town. Finishing placing the last of my stationary into my bag, I headed towards the dining room, feeling happy and content that no more drama could happen today...

Unless mom had made me one of her dreaded casseroles.

If this were the case then I could assure you that there would be drama. Forget assuring it, I could promise you, tell you the time and even tell you the place, because I would make sure that there was drama whenever she cooked casseroles. Entering the dining room, I carefully put my now-full school bag on the back of one of the chairs before settling down to see what I had the pleasure of eating today.

Bangers and Mash.

You could call me old fashioned, but my mom's Bangers and Mash were one of her delicasies. It's what she would cook whenever she had guests over, as if to show off her cooking skills. I'm not sure how one could brag about cooking sausages or about mashing up potatoes but my mom found a way. The fact that I heard another woman's voice was probably the reasoning for why I was eating this meal.

"You enjoying your dinner Nathan?", my mom asked braggingly as she sauntered into the living room, followed by a plumpish woman with bright red hair. I shrugged my reply and continued to prod a blob of mash to death with my fork. She laughed at my response before pausing and staring intently in my direction. The woman behind her standing awkwardly as if unsure whether to talk or not.

"Has someone hit you Nathan?", my mom asked, her voice going up a few decibels as she rushed towards me.

"No mom", I lied. Choosing to ignore me, she grabbed my head and turned it lightly so that she could inspect the bruising on my face.

"Is there anything I can do?", asked the red-headed woman, who was still stood cluelessly in the middle of my dining room.

"Erm... Actually, yes, thank you Sheila. If you go into the kitchen, the drawer nearest the door has some sort of medi-kit pack. Can you grab that for me please?". The woman nodded and rushed into the kitchen, before returning a few seconds later with a small red box.

"Is this it?". My mom turned to look at the box and smiled.

"That's it. Thank you". With that, Sheila passed my mom the box, while I rolled my eyes at my moms over-protective nature. As if on cue she retrieved a bandage and a small bottle of anti-septic fluid from the medi-kit.

"Who did this Nathan?", my mom asked sternly as she poured some of the fluid on the bandage. Sheila watched over my mom's shoulder, obviously intent on hearing who had hit me. I was silenced before I could speak, by my mom who was pushing the bandage into my eye. I couldn't do anything except bite my lip when my mom held the bandage to one of the worser areas of my eye. The sharp striking pain brought water to my eyes, each second getting progressively worse then the previous until the pain seemed to magically subside all together. "Well?".

"Just some kids at school", I mumbled arrogantly.

"In your year?", Sheila asked with genuine curiousity. I nodded my head lightly before pushing my moms hand away from my face.

"What were their names?", my mom asked as she made her way to the bin to dispose of the bandage. Again I just shrugged, acting very bored and disinterested with the conversation at hand. Of course I knew who had helped beat me up, but I wasn't going to tell on them because that would only make things worse... wouldn't it? Before I could even ponder this, Sheila spoke up.

"I'll ask my Kyle about it. I'm sure he'll know". My mom nodded her head approvingly before the both of them sauntered back into the kitchen. I slouched back against the chair and sighed. Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore and instead I just wanted to play catch with my dad. He always knew what to do, and he always had an answer for everything. He was still probably at work fixing cars though, so to pass the time I turned on the television and began to waste the day away.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Firstly, how do you guys like the story-image cover? It took about thirty minutes to draw it, another ten minutes to colour and then a final ten minutes editing it on the computer. Hopefully it looks okay, and hopefully it doesn't give too much away ahah. Oh, and yes I know that the aliens don't normally come in Orange, but without colour the alien didn't really show up on the computer when I uploaded the picture, so I just chose a random colour to colour it in.**

** Secondly, was that an alright second chapter? Hopefully it was okay and hopefully you guys liked it. I tried to make this one a little longer by putting two chapters into one. The first half of the plot is beginning to be introduced here. If you guys think that I need to hurry up with plot development or that I just maintain this slow introductory phrase for couple more chapters then make sure you let me know! **

** Disclaimer; South Park unfortunately, still isn't owned by me.**


	4. A Reconciliation Of Sorts?

**Chapter Three**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"...and that is all that was mentioned about the flashing lights last night", the news-reporter slowly trailed off as he scoured through some papers on his desk. As of current, I had slathered myself across the couch in my living room, and was lazily dangling my head off the edge of the sofa so that the entirety of my view was upside down. I don't know how long I had been there, because when you're as bored as I was time just seems to merge into a big heap of foreverness.

Does that even makes sense?

I don't know. I mean, I'm only 10, so asking myself stupid questions about time is totally pointless. Deciding to try and forget that I was having a mental conversation with myself, I lifted my arm and reached out, desperately clawing for the remote that was just a little too far away from my reach. I had previously scoured the channels various times, but now I had given up and was choosing to inspect them for the umpteenth time. I had only been in South Park for less than a day, and I was already entirely fed up of living here. Any chance to move from this horrid town would be welcomed with open arms. Not only had some bratty children gifted me a black eye earlier, but now I had to suffer the shockingly abysmal broadcasting that this town provided. On the brighter side, there was apparently supposed to be some sort of festival next week. Mom said she'd buy me something nice if I stayed on my best behaviour for the entirety of the week. I hope it's something amazingly good. Like a games-sphere or something. That would be totally awesome! On the plus side, thinking about getting a Games-Sphere will hopefully keep my mind focussed on the positives of living in this town.

"Hello? Is anyone there?", came a spontaneous voice from the front door. I turned my head to look towards the door, only to have the letterbox shut on itself. I lifted an eyebrow, a quizzical emotion spread across my face. I got up from my slouched-upside position and glared at the front door. Desperately hoping that some sort of x-ray powers would come into action.

"Was he in there?", a second voice asked from outside.

"I could hear the television". I sighed audibly before reluctantly pushing myself to my feet. After a quick stretch, I stomped towards the door and twisted the handle. With little effort, I carefully opened the door. Stood outside were two people from my class. Both had been part of the mob that had chased me around at school earlier.

"What?", I spat venomously. With this Stan Marsh cut his eyes, and accusingly pointed towards me in an irritated fashion.

"Watch your mouth kid or I'll kick your ass". This time I cut my eyes. In the most snobbish fashion I could muster up, I stepped backwards and slammed the front door shut. Muffled insults instantly followed my action. Surprisingly however, the insults were not being directed at me. The other boy, (Kyle Broflowski if you hadn't guessed by now), was currently arguing with his 'supposedly' best friend. I began to turn around, so that I could go back to the ever-so enjoyable highlights of television, but was cut off when a harsh thump on the door made me jump. I seriously wasn't sure whether one of them had decided to kick the front door.

"Who is at the door Nathan?", shouted my mom from upstairs, her curiousity obviously over-powering her.

"It doesn't matter mom!", I shouted back before returning to the door. With one last deep breath, I twisted the handle and opened the door. "What do you guys want?", I sighed, purposely trying to act a little more tolerant the second time around.

"Look Nath, did... did you tell on me to my mom?", asked Kyle nervously, obviously trying to look at anything except for me. Stan was stood behind Kyle in a similar sort of fashion, he however looked more aggravated than nervous.

"What?".

"My mom came home, and asked whether I knew who had hit you... Did you tell my mom on me?", he repeated. I thought about lying to him. Telling him that I had told his mom about the situation that happened would probably make him feel so scared when he came face-to-face with his mother, which would help put a smile on my face. Thinking twice however... Kyle had probably thrown the least amount of punches compared to anyone else earlier. So I guess telling him that I had told his mother about today would probably be redundant in improving my mood, as I wanted revenge on the other kids a lot more than him. Craig for example. Craig just seemed to love conflict.

"No. I haven't told anyone". I replied as I lightly traced a pattern on my front door with my finger, to try and ease the awkwardness that I was now beginning to feel. Kyle just decided to survey me after he received my answer, clearly unsure on whether to trust me.

"Who is it Nathan!", came my mom's cheerful voice from upstairs again. Her tone seemed to fully contrast the tense atmosphere that was surrounded the front of her house. I turned to shout up the stair, only to notice her quickly duck her head from around the bannister. I pinched my nose and sighed for what must've been the eighth time that day.

"It's just Stan and Kyle from school!", I shouted up the stairs, with a tone that hopefully made it clear to my mom that she had been caught snooping. She must've gotten the message as she made no effort to provide me with a reply. Realising that the message had been received, I turned back to the boys stood outside my house. Kyle was still surveying me, desperately trying to calculate whether I was lying to him or not. Stan, on the other hand, was nosily looking towards the stairway that my mother had previously been spying from. He had obviously noticed my mother's antics.

"Did you tell my mom then?", Kyle asked again, this time in a more threatening tone. With a roll of my eyes, I grabbed the door handle and went to shut the door for a second time, only to be stopped in the nick of time by Kyle who had thought fast and placed his foot in the way of the door. "Just answer me", he demanded half-heartedly. He was now obviously feeling very sorry for himself, and probably did not want to face the wrath of Sheila Broflovski.

"I didn't tell your mom", I hissed, getting very tired of the conversation at hand. "You know what? Maybe I should have. I mean, I had seven of you team up and beat the crap out of me. I got a fricking black eye because of you arsehole... and all you care about is whether you're going to get in trouble for it". At my sudden outburst, both Kyle and Stan seemed to retreat backwards slightly, but soon came to their senses and returned to their normal positions.

"But... I'm used to people hating me for stupid reasons... so I guess... I guess it doesn't matter", I mumbled, suddenly feeling very worn out and defeated. Kyle gave mea remorse look, that sort of gave an impression that he had previously felt the same way I did currently. Stan noticed the look on his friends face and gave him a comforting smile.

"C'mon Kyle. Nathan said he hasn't told your mom anything so let's just go to the park or something". Kyle looked at him and nodded softly. Stan smiled contently in reply and sauntered off down the driveway towards the road, leaving Kyle standing outside my door awkwardly. I stared at him non-chalantly, trying to make him understand that I no longer wanted to talk to him.

"I'm sorry dude", he croaked spontaneously, his legitimately sincere apology catching me off guard.

"What?".

"I'm sorry for today... I know what it's like to have people hate you for something that shouldn't matter to anyone except yourself".

"Yeah yeah whatever", I replied with a false stagnant note of disinterest in my voice.

"You don't need to believe me, but I know what it feels like nevertheless. I mean, being Jewish isn't the most popular thing to be". I nodded slightly, as I couldn't disagree with him. Jewish people have gone through a whole load of shit in the past, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel sorry for them sometimes. He smiled slightly at my understanding.

"So yeah. Sorry dude", he repeated. I hadn't really forgiven him or anyone for the beating I received earlier, but I guess it's better to forgive and not forget, compared to just holding grudges forever.

"It's okay Kyle", I replied half-heartedly, not entirely sure whether I believed my own apology, whether he had believed me, remained a total mystery.

"I'll see you in class tomorrow dude", he pronounced in a lighter tone as he turned and walked towards Stan who had continually been growing impatient.

"Uh. Yeah. Sure. Bye", I mumbled back before shutting the door. I rubbed my forehead tiredly before turning to walk back into the living room, but something in the corner of eye caught my attention. As I could've guessed, my mom was creepily peering her head from around the top of the stairs.

"Those two seem nice", she remarked with a toothy grin.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

** Third Chapter Done! Okay guys, I don't really want to droan on about the OC for the entire story so I think I might start doing some chapters from different characters points of view. Is that a smart move? Is that something you guys would like and be interested in, or do you guys like the story having only one point of view? I've just been using an OC to present an unbiased point of view that would adapt with the story, but I could probably start implementing other characters opinions and points of views into the story aswell.**

** Disclaimer; As you can guess. South Park isn't owned by me!**


	5. There's Nothing To See Here People

**Chapter Four**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Okay children. Let's talk about X Factor and how it's a pointless show that exploits pitiful people who have no real chance at stardom".

Mr Garrison. Only one teacher could talk about pointless shit and still not get fired, and Mr Garrison was that one teacher. If you're wondering what happened between now and yesterday when Kyle and Stan had left my house, I can tell you exactly what happened. Sleep. That was it. The television must've got so boring that I had passed out on the sofa. Before I knew anything it was morning and I was being shoved around the house by my mom who was desperately trying to get me to clear off and go to school... and here we are. As of current, I was one of only four students who had turned up to school. Butters, Wendy, a very anxious twitching boy called Tweek and me. Where everyone else was, I had no ide- Oh wait. As if on cue, here they all come.

"Sorry I'm late Mr Garrison!", shouted Stan as he rushed to his seat. Kid after kid followed him in, as if they were all playing a gargantuan game of follow the leader. Mumbled sorry's were thrown away carelessy by the students, and Mr Garrison's replies perfectly reciprocated the sense of carelessness that was currently in the room.

"Why were you late Bebe?", came Wendy's high pitched voice from across the room, her eyes looking up and down at her blonde best friend.

"We were all looking at that poster advertising the county fair. There's a fnady dress competition and rides! It looks awesome Wendy, we have to go!", she squealed in return. Wendy instantly smiled and nodded her head, clearly agreeing to partake in her friends plans. This fair is probably the festival my mom was talking about? I truly hope it's as awesome as everyone is making out.

"What are you smiling at assmuncher", cackled Cartman as he took his seat behind me. I turned on my seat to defend myself, but was almost instantly cut off when Kyle came to the rescue, fulling glaring at Cartman as if he was trying to stare into his soul. Or in Cartman's case, the cavern in which a soul would normally exist.

"Shut your fucking mouth Cartman". I stared at him, a quizzical look smeared all over my face.

"I swear to god Kyle. Serious-Leh. I will kick you square in the nuts".

"Just shut up fatass".

"God Dammit! I'm not fat, I'm big boned! My mom even said so!".

"Cartman, your ass is so fat that when people see you on the streets they say, God Damn. That's a big fat ass!".

"No they don't!", Cartman protested, his fists shaking in rage. "Go back to Endor you stupid wookie!".

"Wookies don't live on Endor".

"Wookies don't live on Endor", he mimicked in a high-pitched tone.

"Children quiten down", Mr Garrison interrupted as he began to write words on to his chalkboard. "Now children, I trust you all got your parents to agree to let us take you on the trips that we have upcoming". With the end of this sentence, almost instaneously about 6 people turned to glare at me. I lowered my head into my hands, and retreated further back into my chair. Obviously people at this school held grudges.

"Now let me make this fully clear", Mr Garrison continued, "If you fail to hand in your letter for the camp this weekend then you will be forfeiting your place on the next school trip that's scheduled to be at the living museum. Instead, you'll be doing work with the principal for the whole of the day. Is that understood". A wave of dreary and moaned "Yes Mr Garrison's", supplied him with his answer. In return Mr Garrison smiled and began wiping the chalk away from his blackboard.

"Good going you ginger turd", Cartman hissed at me. At this, I twisted on my seat to fully face him fully intended to finally speak my mind before Kyle could try to defend me again.

"Look you fat shit, this is just as much your fault as it is mine. So I swear down if you blame me for this once more I will fucking kick your ass", I spat threateningly. I was no fighter. I was one of those douchey people that constantly said the phrase; 'I'm a lover, not a fighter'. So if Cartman agreed to fight me there would be a very good chance that I'd lose. Fortunately my empty threat seemed to do the job as he quietened down and stared towards the front of the class, obviously trying to act as if I wasn't even there. Feeling smug with this result I turned back around on my seat.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Shh. Shh. Shh. It's okay. Be quiet", Came the slow croak of balding man as he held his finger to his mouth. He licked his lips lightly, all the while shaking erractically. A muffled response enticed his ears, as he leapt across the room. He shuffled his hands through a rusty toolbox that he had left abandoned on an uneven wooden table, however one twitch proved too powerful and unintentionally caused the toolbox to spill it contents over the table.

"Oh. Stupid. Stupid!", he shouted at himself as he punched the table furiously. With this, gagged sobbings amplified in the room.

"Pweasem. Pweasem dun hurr me. Pweasemmm!". The man turned his head and looked at his trophy in mesmeration.

"Shhh", he repeated in all seriousity. "You'll wake up mother".

"Pwease", the barely-feminine voice repeated, but at a much lower volume then previous. This caused the man to cut his eyes and bare his teeth in rage. He stormed towards the woman who he had tied up and grasped onto her hair. With one violent tug, a loud muffled scream was released followed by barely audible sobbing.

"No. No!", the man reasoned spontaneously taking on a new persona. He went down to his knees and cradled the woman in his arms. She fully protested and battled to remove herself from her capturer's arms but to no avail.

"No. Don't. Don't cry", he said systematically, as if struggling to learn a new emotion. His speech and movements were very robotic, but he as a person, seemed so ironically innocent and socially awkward. He sobbed along with his prisoner, slowly rubbing his hand through her bushy brown hair.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"I'm totally going on the haunted castle ride you guys! The county fair is going to be so sweet", Cartman almost sang from his place in the dinner line. He impatiently pushed Kyle further forwards as if that would allow him to get food faster.

"Stop shoving fatass!". Instead of responding Cartman chose to imagine the positives of the county fair. His smile, clearly showed that he was having a great time in imaginationland. I snorted to myself in laughter at his expression just as the dinner que moved along so that I could be in the room where the chef handed us kids our food. The school chef was a chubby African-American man who was constantly humming a tune to himself whenever I saw him on school grounds.

"Hello there children!", he welcomed as his finished spooning a lump of gravy over Clyde's dinner.

"Hey Chef", responded Kyle, Stan, Eric and a boy known as Kenny, all in unison.

"How's it going?".

"Good".

"Why ba- Oh. Er...". The chef scratched his head, obviously trying to contemplate what to say. "Why. Why good?".

"The fair is next week chef. Isn't it kewl!", Cartman laughed. I waited for them all to finish talking, and for Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman to walk off before I gave my tray to the school chef so that he could place some food on it. Once he had given me my tray back I smiled my thanks and carried my tray to the dinner hall. I scoured the entire room for a spare seat, but after realising that I probably wasn't on everyone's best terms I decided to sit at a table that currently had no people sat at it. I shoveled baked beans around the tray carelessly.

"Hey Fella!", sang Butters as he sat down next me, playfully sliding his tray along the table as if pretending it had wheels. I watched curiously at he continued to move his tray around the table, making random engine noises at odd intervals. I chuckled lightly and began to form my reply.

"Howdy Butters". He faced me and smiled before turning back to his race-car fantasy. "How are you?", I continued, fully hoping that he'd take the bait and engage in a conversation. Anything to pass the time away was acceptable in my eyes. He paused his game and faced me once again, a small grin on his face.

"I'm great thanks. W-What about you?". He answered as he began to dig into his food, obviously deciding to stop pretending he was a driver in the Nascar league.

"I'm good too thanks... What's got you all happy?".

"Haven't you heard? The county fair is coming to town".

"Oh, I've heard about it alright", I replied as I began to eat my school meal. "Is the fair any good?".

"I. I'm not sure".

"You're not sure?".

"Nope. But the lads said that it's amazing so I'm excited". I looked at him curiously as I took a sip from my juice box.

"Haven't you ever been to it before?".

"I was going to last year. B-But I was grounded for looking si-silly on my school photo. I did bad, I did".

"I've never been to it". With this, Butters looked at me with a knowing expression on his face, that did nothing but make me feel slightly paranoid. "What?".

"Of course you haven't been to it silly. Y-You only moved here a couple days ago", he giggled as he gulped down a spoonful of something that resembled tomato soup. I rolled my eyes jokingly at his humor before replying.

"Real clever Butters. I mean, I've never been to any form of fair or festival".

"W-Well you can come with me if you want. My mom said she'll take me if she's not busy so I can just ask her if you can come". He offered through sips of his drink.

"Are. Are you sure Butters?".

"Of course I am. M-My mom wouldn't mind much".

"Well. If it's okay with your mom then, yes. Yes please". He smiled at my response and nodded before continuing on with another topic.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Move along people, nothing to see here!", paraded a police officer as he tried to prevent paparazzi and news-reporters from getting film footage of the latest thing deemed 'news worthy'.

"Officer Barbrady! Over here!", shouted a red-headed police officer from behind some bushes.

"What is it Yates?", he asked as he made his way over to the Sergeant.

"It's struck again", the sergeant replied as he pointed towards a discarded corpse. Barbrady instantly held a tissue over his nose when he noticed the body of Veronica Crabtree. The elementary school's bus driver. Her face was frozen in an extremely unpleasant and panic-stricken position. Her eyes completely glazed over.

"Who would do something like this?".

"Simple Barbrady".

"Is it?". The sergeant nodded as he dragged the officer a little closer to the corpse.

"If you take a good look, you'll notice that the left hand of this ancillary character has been removed". Barbrady simply stared at Yates, willing him to continue his point. "No person would ever do something like this. This was clearly the work of the alien-beast that we've all been hearing about". Barbrady looked at him in total disbelief.

"What evidence do you have for this?".

"Plenty. We even have an eye witness to the account".

"You do?".

"Yes. He'll be with us shortly". No more than two minutes passed before a black limosuine pulled up just outside the crime scene. The door swung open, revealing a snobbish looking man. He twisted his legs around, and pounced out of the vehicle before strutting towards Barbrady and Yates.

"Here he is Barbrady. Meet our eye witness. Al Gore".

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter 4! Full with South Park references, brief introductions to characters I forgot to put in the story previously, & Finally... plot development! Yes! The basic introductory chapters are all done for, so now begins the.. well... the beginning of the actual plot. I know things have been slow getting to this point, but things should start to pick up the pace from here on out. I won't race through everything though, as the entire plan of the story gets very bizzare and hectic after a while, (due to this story revolving around numerous South Park Episodes all mixed into one).**

** Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It's harder than it looks to piece a story together, but hopefully I'm doing an alright job ahah. Thanks to the people who have reviewed, favourited and are following this story. It's you guys that inspired me to continue on with this, so thanks you guys! **

** Disclaimer; You probably know this by now, but incase you didn't... South Park isn't owned by me!**


	6. The Enemy Of My Enemy

**Chapter Five**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Okay lets go over this again", Yates huffed as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "A... A Man... BearPig?". Al Gore simply nodded with a small smile playing on his lips. "A ManBearPig?", Yates repeated as if to emphasise how much he didn't believe in this creature. Yates had been incredibly sure that he had found an eye witness, who had actually seen this alien beast that seemed to be the entire talk of the town. So much so, that he had bought the man back to the police department so that they could discuss what he saw. It turned out that Al Gore had seen nothing but was super 'serial' that he knew that the creature in the forest, was some sort of mashed up monster.

"Exactly".

"What on Earth is a ManBearPig?". With this, Al Gore gasped dramatically, obviously shocked that the Sergeant had no idea what a ManBearPig was, as if it was a sin to have not heard of this creature.

"It's half man". He paused, as if to try and add emphasis to what he was saying. "Half bear". Again, another unneeded pause. "and half pig". Yates waited patiently for Al Gore to continue. Realising that he had nothing else to say, Yates pushed himself out of his chair and walked towards his office door. He hesitantly grabbed onto the handle and opened the door.

"Thanks for your help. You can leave now".

"You think I'm crazy don't you?". Yates ignored his question, but the looked on his face gave Al Gore his answer. He scrunched his eyebrows together and snarled. "I'll prove it! I'll go into the forest and find him myself! I'm being super serial". Yates rolled his eyes while pointing towards the door with his one hand, clearly suggesting that Al Gore removed himself from his office.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"C'mon Butters!", I whined as I tugged on his arm. "We're going to be late to class". At dinner, me and Butters had talked continously, and then played some form of the game 'Leekie', with Tweek and Red who might I add, was a very pretty girl with bright, (yes you guessed it), red hair. She smelt abit like berries and she was just the coolest gir- I... Er... I'm getting off topic, and it's only going to end with me ending up blushing to high heaven. As I was saying, we all had played Leekie at dinner and I couldn't help that maybe I was making some friends in the process. Butters was clearly my best friend at the moment. I'm not sure whether he felt the same way. I hope he did, but I wouldn't be bothered too much if he wasn't. I mean, I had only be in this town for like four or five days now... so I guess I had plently of time to make bestfriends. So yeah, I had my bestfriend, I had my girlfrie- GIRL-WHO-IS-A-FRIEND, and I had Tweek, what I was meant to call him I don't know. Tweek Tweak was a very very strange character in my opinion. He was constantly twitching and stuttering the words he said, which made him very hard to talk too. I made sure to try extra hard to converse with him once Butters had told me that Tweek suffered with ADHD and Anxiety problems... and that people sometimes bully him for it. All I saw was a boy who was extremely shaky and smelt an awful lot like coffee. How kids could bully someone for disorders that they couldn't control really annoyed me, but what was I meant to do about it? I was a wuss.

"O-Okay Nathan", Butter chuckled, bringing me back to reality. I smiled as he began to rush to the classroom. Rushing so much in fact, that he broke free from my grip and ran straight towards the classroom leaving me to walk towards the class on my own, all the while laughing to himself playfully.

"Ass!", I jokingly shouted after him, as he ditched me to run inside the school building. I chuckled to myself lightly as I rubbed snow from my jacket. I probably sound stupid but I truly didn't realise that this place would have so much snow... even if it is high up in the mountains. I slowly continued my walk to the classroom, making sure to take in as much of the air before I was forced to spend time in the captivity of the class room. I was really enj-

"Hey give that back!", I shouted as I swung round, desperately grasping on to my hat which had just been ripped from my head. On the opposite side stood Craig Tucker, smiling sardonically with his hand clamped around my beanie hat, desperately holding it with all his might. I smiled back sarcastically, before pulling on my hat to try and release it from his hands. It didn't budge.

"What's your problem?", I asked in an aggravated tone. He looked at me blankly as if it was obvious what was his problem. I guess it was obvious. I was his problem. Me and my big mouth that had got us sentenced to a weekend at some stupid club in the forest. I sighed in annoyance. "What do you want Craig".

"Your hat", he stated. He neither said it in a friendly or a threatening tone. He just said it. No emotion behind his voice.

"Well you can't have it", I replied matter-of-factly as I tugged on it a second time. This time I felt my hat slide slightly out of his hand but he managed to tighten his grip just before I could manage to retrieve it. He smirked at his triumph, teeth showing in a wide grin. I rolled my eyes at this and just decided that I'd let him win to lessen the chance of him beating the crap out of me again.

"Fine", I said as I let go of my hat and turned to make my way towards the school. The initial look on his face was one of shock, but he masked it almost instantly standing there awkwardly in the playground. I left him standing there, his hand clenched on an item of clothing I'd probably never see again, but this was still a success. I'd managed to find a way out of getting my ass kicked. Who ever said brawn beats brains needed a kick in the teeth.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Well hello how can I help you?".

"I need a room at this establishment for the whole month if that's okay".

"A month? Okay let me check... I'm sorry sir but we've got a class of 4th graders coming in this weekend meaning that no rooms will be available until after they've left on sunday evening".

"What? But I need a room! It's very important you get me a room".

"Why is it important mister...".

"Mister Gore, and that's classified but I need to use a room here. I'm super serial".

"Okay Mister Gore, I'll see if we can fit you into a room".

"Excellent".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

I slowly entered the class room and walked towards my desk. Everyone else had already found their seats, (Excluding Craig of course). Red smiled at my arrival, to which I replied with a half-hearted grin. I swung my bag under my desk and slumped backwards into my seat. Luckily Mr Garrison hadn't noticed me walking in late as he was too busy sketching something onto the chalkboard.

"W-What's up?", Butters asked, obviously picking up on my lowered demeanour. I shook my head lightly letting him know that I wasn't going to explain any time soon, but I threw a compromising smile his way. I surveyed the room, mostly to find something different to focus on so that I could get my mind off of how mad my mom was going to be when I told her I had lost my hat somewhere. It was better not to tell her the truth... right?

"What are you looking at buttfucker", spat Cartman as he glared at me. I shook my head lightly, realising that I must've been staring at him when my mind wandered to my mom losing her shit.

"Sorry Eric". He went to say some remark, but paused, his eyebrows lifted as if showing that he was surprised my something but they soon returned to their natural place. He must've been stunned into silence that I hadn't insulted him back or something.

"You best be Frenchie".

Or not. To his surprise I chuckled lightly, as for some reason I found the situation itself rather funny.

"Are you laughing at me old chap?", Pip whispered when he turned his head from the next seat to me. This was the first time he had spoken to me since the swearing fiasco on my yesterday. He had the oppurtunity to talk to me for the entirety of the afternoon yesterday, and the entirety of this morning. But he had entirely blanked me up until this point. I stared at him curiously, as he waited for an answer.

"No".

"Are you sure my good fellow? I could've swo-".

"You swore wrong then".

"Oh. It was nice talking to you anyw-"

"Shut up Pip". As much as I would've loved to have told Pip to shut up, it was infact Cartman who had commanded it.

"Righto", he whispered sadly, as he stared down at his desk. Cartman went to say something again, but chose to stare at Craig who had finally decided to walk into the classroom. Once Craig had sat down at his desk Cartman turned on his seat to position himself better for the upcoming conversation.

"Where you've been", Cartman questioned as he rested his head on his hand. All he recieved in reply was Craigs middle finger. Of course, Cartman did not appreciate this in the slightest. "I was being nice you black asshole!", He spat. I scrunched my nose up at his choice of vocabulary, but continued to watch the upcoming conflict with glee.

Glee you ask?

Well it's not everyday that the two people you hate most, begin to verbally attack each other right infront of your face. To me... This was my equivalent of Disney Land.

"I never asked you to be nice", Craig said non chalontly, as he scaveged through his bag to find his school book. Cartman continued to glare.

"Someone's got sand up their vagina huh?", Cartman laughed. The insult was directed at Craig, but Cartman was looking at me, expecting me to back him up and agree or atleast laugh. As if to force me to pick a ultimatium, Craig looked up at me, a calculating look on his face.

Oh shit. Were they waiting for me to pick a side? Shit I think they were.

I scratched the back of my head as the tension thickened around me. I chuckled nervously to myself, hoping that they'd both give up and just go back to arguing amongst themselves for my entertainment.

"Hey! I said someone's got sand up their vagina!", Cartman repeated with a more aggressive tone. I faked a laugh, but both Cartman and Craig knew it wasn't genuine. I could tell because a little smirk hit Craig's lips, while Cartman rolled his eyes and glared at me. All the while, I could feel my face heat up and turn crimson. Oh the joys of being a nervous red-head. Almost anything could get this reaction out of me. I forced a nervous smile at the both of them before turning back around in my seat to avoid any more mortifying embarrasment.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"So this is your room Mr Gore. We at the Stark Forest Appreciation Travel Camp & Lodge would like to wish you the best on your 'secret' mission, and we hope that the room is to your liking", came the drawl of a very bored and disinterested staff member. His voice showed the negative and depressed mood his was currently encased in.

"It's okay I guess. Especially considering how small this place is...", Al Gore said, mainly to himself. The staff attendant held his hand out, rudely and wordlessly asking for a tip from the ecstatic Al Gore. He didn't receive any money however, instead he received a high five. The look of disgust on his face went unnoticed by Al Gore who was still surveying his miniscule room.

"How come there's four beds?".

The attendant sighed loudly, trying to get across the point that he was in no mood to answer any questions. The message however did not make it's way to Al Gore, who was instead smiling happily while waiting patiently for an answer.

"Michelle told me the she'd told you all of this already".

"Who is Michelle?"

"The woman you spoke to on the phone earlier".

"Oh yes... continue". The attendant held his nose in aggravation.

"Look. A school class are coming this weekend, and now because of you they have one less room". Al Gore smiled, feeling no remorse or regret for the fact that he made a school lose a room they had probably already paid for.

"They'll thank me when I catch the elusive ManBearPig". This was Al's justification clearly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure they will", the attendant mocked as he crept out of the room into the hallway so that he could almost run towards the reception. "Michelle! I thought you said we weren't taking in wack-jobs any more".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"You're a dirty assrammer".

"I'm interested in why you think that".

"I don't think. I know... Hey! Don't flip me off you son of a bitch".

"Well then don't call me an assrammer fatass".

"I'm not fat, I'm big boned God dammit!".

Yes. This was fun. This was enjoyable. This was improving my day greatly. Well. It was already a good day seeing as I had become friends with Tweek and Red who I shou- Now is not the time for this Nathan. You're meant to be basking in this amazing feeling that you're feeling. Basically this was a great day. I don't think how this day could possibly get any better. I mean, how contrasting is this day compared to yesterday? Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of my life but today... today was amazing. I couldn't think of a better way to end off my school day, then hearing the two kids I hate most argue amongst themselves. This time I had made sure to continue staring towards the front of the class so that I couldn't be involved with the argument again.

"Well atleast my mom isn't on the cover of crack-whore magazine".

"Er-Wha?".

"You heard me fatass".

"My mom is not on the cover of crack-whore magazine so shut your God Damn Hippie mouth"

"Make me".

"I'll kick your ass Craig".

"I'd like to see you try".

"If you don't shut your mouth, you're going to see me try".

"Key word being try".

"Key word being try", Cartman mimicked.

"Nice. Real mature". By now, I was holding my hand over my mouth to stop myself from bursting into hysterics. Craig hadn't really been offended at all during the argument. He seemed to remain calm and collected no matter what Cartman through his way. Meanwhile, Cartman was easily wound up by the things Craig would say... even though the things that Craig said weren't really offensive, they were just sarcastic mockings that showed how little he truly cared for the argument. I quickly tightened the grip on my mouth when I accidentally let out a snort of a laugh. Almost instantly, Cartman kicked my chair causing it to move forward a bit. I turned around on my seat, still giggling uncontrollably.

"Stop laughing at me, you no soul daywalker", Cartman spat venomously.

"You sure told him", Craig added sarcastically, making it very clear that he was not finished tormenting Cartman. His reply caused Cartman to blush and glare at him evily, which of course, only caused me to laugh that little bit more. Of course, Cartman did not like this and turned his attention back to me.

"Respect my authoritah!", he ordered in all seriousity, his voice raising in volume slightly. I held my hand to my mouth to try and control my laughter, but I failed to keep it contained, meaning I continued to laugh.

"This is all your fault Craig you nappy baby!", Cartman pointed accusingly towards Craig, while gesturing towards my uncontrolable laughing with his other hand.

"Nappy Baby?", Craig asked himself sarcastically, "If you're using insults like that, then I'm pretty sure you don't need my help at becoming a laughing stock". The look of absolute hatred and anger spread on Cartman's face lingered for about five seconds before his face returned to normal. No. To a sly and smug smirk. What had he got planned?

"I'm a laughing stock Craig, hmm?". Craig made no effort to reply, he just continued to stare at Eric, obviously wondering the same thing I was. "You're the one that's all faggy about a guinea pig. If that's not something to laugh about, I'm not sure what is". Hurt. A hint of it flickered across Craig's face before it returned back to unemotional. Again, he decided not to reply. "Stripe was it? You know what I'd like to do with Stripe Craig?". I looked from Cartman to Craig, his hands gripping his desk, his knuckles turning white.

"Eric. Maybe... Maybe you should just call it quits", I suggested quickly. I had enjoyed this little scene, but realising that something was physically causing Craig to shake with rage made me feel terribly guilty and terribly worried. More for Cartman then for me.

"Yes", Craig mumbled through clenched teeth. "Maybe you should". Cartman ignored Craig's semi-threat, choosing to intimidate him further.

"I'll tell you what I'd like to do with Stripe Craig. Nathan, you listen up too and tell me whether it's a good idea".

"No. No Eric I. I'm staying out of this. Just drop it Cartman".

"C'mon Nath. Don't be such a pussy shit. What's this fag going to do about it". Obviously Cartman had forgot that Craig had been the leader of the group that had beaten me up no more than 24 hours ago.

"Eric. Seriously. I don't want no part in this". By now Craig himself was shaking lightly. His jittering very much resemberling Tweek Tweaks from earlier today. I could totally see where this was going, and I wanted to be no where near when shit hit the fan. Eric positioned himself closer to Craigs table, his head inches away from Craig's. I looked at Craig searching for a signal of when he was going to snap. He noticed my stare and looked back at me, his eyes glaring into me as if I was the scum of the Earth. None the less I continued looking at him, and mouthed the words 'Calm Down' in the friendliest way I could muster. Again he ignored me, choosing to continue glaring right through me. I backed up on my seat, fully fearing that he was going to punch me into a dust. I looked around the class nervously hoping Mr Garrison had noticed the subdued volume of his class. Most of the other pupils were staring at Cartman, Craig and I obviously realising the same thing I had. Shit was about to go down and they all knew it. Kyle looked at me, his eyebrows flickering into a quizzical position. He was most likely hoping I'd tell him what was going on. Behind him Red and Tweek were sat basically reciprocating what Kyle had been doing. The only difference being that Tweek couldn't maintain eye contact for that look, and continually looked away whenever our eyes made contact. Red's eyes seemed to do the opposite. It was asif her eyes were lulling mine into hers, like my eyes were Bees fluttering towards her nectary irises, buzzin- What the fuck am I talking about? A fight was literally about to happen and I was too busy thinking about bees and nectar. I needed to ask my mom what was wrong with me.

"...I'd like to get a 'stripe' of wire, and wrap it around Stripe's neck", Cartman finished, licking his lips lightly for effect. He looked at me and started chuckling, obviously finding his tacky wordplay amusing. That was, until Craig's fist connected to his face...

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter 5! Some more plot developments. Some more references. A lot more arguing. I'm not sure what it is, but writing just has a relaxing quality to it that I can't describe. Today I broke up from 6th Form for the Easter Holiday, so inbetween relaxing and revision, I'm going to be writing more of this story alot more often. I'm also planning on going through all the chapters and correcting typo's and the such when I've done a couple more chapters. So yeah, I've got that to look forward too. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and thanks again for all the follows, favourites and reviews, you guys are what inspires me and you guys are the ****best!**

** On another point... I had a weird dream the other day, and I'm not sure what's wrong with my head. I dreamt that I was the King of Canada, and that I, for some reason, was also the owner of a theme park. I mean... What does that even mean? I'm not even Canadian, I'm English... Does Canada even have a royal family? If they do, does the royal family like rollercoasters? I'm pretty sure I need a therapist or something.**

** Disclaimer; Guess what... I still don't own South Park. I almost may aswell mention that DisneyLand is owned by Disney... So yeah, just in case you thought I did own it... I dont.**


	7. Sassmaster Extraordinare

**Chapter Six**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Flight. A power I wish I had. The fact that birds could fly anywhere they wanted too... randomly decide to travel the world whenever they wanted to and manage to fly there, no questions asked really bugged me. It made me jealous. There had been plenty of times in the past in which I had wanted to be able to just fly anywhere I wanted, mainly to calm down or just think. Think about things that at the time, were behemoth and gargantuan but now... were insignificant. Flight... had always seemed like an attractive ability to have.

That is, until I saw Cartman fly right off his chair. Blood swirling through the air like a firework display as he twirled from his seat to the floor. Craig had given him one almighty swing with his fist, and now Cartman was on the floor, blood cascading out of his nose hap-hazardously. A short slow whine whimpered from Eric's mouth before it was cut off by a high pitched scream. This alerted Mr Garrison, who almost unintentionally knocked himself onto the floor with the speed he used to turn himself around. His eyes opened dramatically when he noticed his least favourite pupil scrunched up on the floor in a puddle of blood and tears.

"Oh my god", he mumbled to himself nervously as he rushed towards Eric. It was as if he couldn't believe what had happened, and he was now unaware on what to do. "Eric?". Cartman responded with a repeated scream, as more tears raced down his face. I couldn't really believe that someone as confident as Cartman could be reduced to 'this' with one punch. I couldn't say I didn't agree. When everyone had teamed up on me yesterday, Craig's punches had hurt more than anyones... but he hadn't hit with as much force as he had just hit Cartman. I looked at Craig, totally rendered speechless. He showed no emotion as he stared down towards the bloodied boy beside him. It was as if he hadn't realised that he had just possibly broken Eric's nose. It was like the punch had sucked him dry of all feeling. He had forced all of his anger and rage and wrath into that single punch, and with just the right angle it had shot through him into Cartman's face. I counted my blessings when I looked back towards Cartman. If I hadn't of moved backwards on my seat, I could've possibly been in his place.

"Err. Children", Mr Garrison began, flustered, "Uh. Go to recess or something", he whispered as he surveyed the severity of Cartman's injuries. Obviously I was the only other student concerned with what had happened as everyone else began to grab their bags and head outside. Some took their time, trying to get a better view of the aftermath of what had just happened, while others spoke in hushed whispers. Obviously creating their own theories on what had happened.

"That means you too brat", Mr Garrison snarled when he noticed I hadn't really made a move from my desk. His voice had successfully caused me to jump slightly, and I did nothing but turn to get my stuff and leave the classroom.

"Who did this to you Eric?", he asked carefully, obviously putting on a friendly tone that wasn't all too realistic. All he got in reply were more tears and more sobbing. I truly felt bad for the lad. I know he was an utter prick, but no one deserved a punch like that. Reluctantly, I lifted my bag from the floor and strung it over my back, before grabbing my hat from my des- Wait. The last time I checked Craig had stolen my hat. Had he given it me back on his way out of the class room? Maybe this was a peace offering of sorts? Or maybe just a form of bribery so that I wouldn't tell Mr Garrison who had hit Cartman. Either way, I slid the hat over my head quickly and rushed out of the classroom to try and catch up with someone. Anyone. Just so I wouldn't feel so vulnerable and alone.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"What is it this time Yates?".

"I. I'm.. I don't know".

"Do we know who it is?".

"It's. It's impossible to tell. They... They were ripped apart. Ripped to pieces".

"S-Say again?".

"Ripped apart. Whatever this thing is... It. It needs to be caught and quick".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"How was your sleep Mr Gore?", asked a sickening sweet maid as she shortened the distance between herself and the elusive Mr Gore, who was peacefully chewing onto a piece of toast after what he would describe as a great night sleep. He had spent most of the night plotting how to catch this 'ManBearPig' that he was so obsessed with. So much so, that he had probably only gotten around two hours sleep maximum. This was still a 'great' night sleep however, as he usually spent a lot less time sleeping, and a lot more time planning on how to catch the beast... and last night, of all nights... was the night in which he came up with the fantastic and fool proof idea of how to catch the monster. He needed to tell someone. He needed to tell everyone. Well... he needed to tell everyone except for those dirty lying thieves who would warn the ManBearPig of it's upcoming doom. He needed to be secretive and careful with this information, but at the same time he needed to tell someone about his ingenius idea.

"Sir?", the maid repeated, to which he faced her with an equally sweet smile.

"Great thank you". He gulped down a final piece of toast, before continuing. "What's your name?".

"Shirley sir", she squeaked nervously as she did a courtsey of some sort. Her accent seemed very Australian and her black bobbed hair looked as if it was threatening to fall off completely when she spoke.

"Well Shirley. Can I tell you something?". She looked around nervously, before reluctantly nodding her head. "Not here. It's a secret. I'm super serial". She wiggled her nose at him awkwardly.

"I don't...", she began confusedly before cutting herself off. "What do you suggest sir?".

"We need to be careful", he began, as if ignoring her question completely. "C'mon. We can sneak into my room", he continued with a wink. Shirley instantly blushed with a horrified look on her face.

"I'm not that sort of girl Mr Gore!", she almost shrieked as she shuffled away from his table in a panic. Al Gore just sat there, staring cluelessly at her shrinking figure vanish slowly out of the room. What ever she had insinuated completely muffled Al, and he wasn't so sure he wanted to know what she had been thinking. He wasn't too bothered what she thought anyway. He was just happy that he had finally thought of a way to grab that ManBearPig bastard at last.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"What a-are you we-we-GAH-wearing? Oh Jesus!", Came Tweek's panicked voice as he rushed towards me. I was gobsmacked. Simply gobsmacked. So gobsmacked that I couldn't think of another word to describe myself except for gobsmacked. Yesterday, after all the chaos at school I had simply decided to watch television and then go to bed. Once I woke, I'd get washed, get changed and make my way to school for a normal-ish day of learning and playing with my friends. I hadn't expected to walk through the school doors and be met by... whatever the hell this was. Tweek waved his hand in my face nervously, while he twitched away, as per usual. I shook my head lightly in return to bring myself to my senses.

"What... What am I wearing?", I repeated in disbelief. "Tweek. You're... You're asking me what I'm wearing? What on Earth are you wearing!?". I was clad in my black school trousers, a red t-shirt, a burgundy jumper and my trademark burgundy beanie hat... Tweek however was clad in a pink jacket, along with pink trousers and some fake bling that he had hanging loosely on his neck. He had obviously tried to tame his hair as the majority of it was gelled down to his head. However, bits of it had sprung back to life in a crazy fashion. This... This something. Had the nerve to ask me what I was wearing, when he himself was wearing an outfit that would probably be better matched for a girl.

"Oh god! T-This is -ACK- bad. Y-You're gonna get- ridi-ridiculed", he spat nervously as he delved into his bag to pull out a small flask. As he poured himself something to drink, I surveyed the rest of the hallway and boy... was I going to get ridiculed. I mean... I'm not sure why I would be, but every other male was strutting around modelling some very, (in my opinion), distasteful costumes. As if on cue to make me feel more stood-out, Token, Craig and Clyde shuffled around one of the corners leading to the hallway, all mirroring the costume that Tweek had on right infront of me. Had I missed something? What the hell was going on? Had I fell through some portal to an alternate dimension or had people seriously decided that this look was the new thing? I turned back to Tweek who for once, looked calmer than usual. The aroma of coffee flew through the air as he gulped down the remaining contents of his flask.

"Tweek... Why. J-Just why?".

"Why w-what?".

"Tweekie Hun!". Tweek turned to the source of the voice; Token. He, Clyde and Craig strutted down the corridor to allign themselves next to Tweek. I grabbed onto my hat as if it were a reflex when I remembered how Craig had stolen my hat yesterday. Wait. That was yesterday wasn't it? Or had I been shot forward through time and space into some age where this was normal. As if sensing my insecurity, Craig smiled mouthing 'Long Story'. I nodded cautiously before lessening the death grip I had on my hat. Before I could fully let go however, Clyde had stepped forward and was clicking his fingers in my face.

"Those shoes with that top? I don't think so honey", he exclamed. Sassiness basically dripping from him. I felt my eyebrows shoot up my forehead when I pulled the most shocked and disbelieving face ever. What the hell was going on here.

"Hey!", I shouted. Finally realising that he was insulting my natural dress sense. I was not one for being vain or really caring about the way I looked, but he had just insulted how I normally dressed. It wasn't as if I was wearing some random clothing like he was, this was my natural look.

"Don't hate me cause you ain't me", He hissed spitefully. I felt my nostrils flare, but chose to just push past the quartet and head towards Kyle who was apparently the only other boy in this god forsaken school who hadn't started wearing feminine clothes. I didn't really like Kyle, but he had apologised to me about helping to beat me up so I guess that was reason enough to turn to him for an explanation.

"Hey! Kyle!". He turned on the spot, confusion and bewilderment engraved into his features. "What the hell is going on?". In return he shrugged both dramatically and seriously. I held my nose and started on my way to Mr Garrison's class room. I did not really care for what the hell was going on in the nutjob of a school, so the sooner the school day finished the better. Before I could actually reach the class room however, I was stopped by Red who was holding onto my arm tightly. I turned to look at her, only to have a smile rise up onto her face.

"What do I owe this pleasure?", I joked nervously, my cheeks reddening almost straight away. She chuckled lightly and shook her head.

"Nothing Nay. I just wanted to check if you had gone all meterosexual too". 'Nay' was my nickname apparently. I liked it. It was swe-

"Metero What?", I almost choked. Again she chuckled lightly.

"It doesn't matter. Just don't do what everyone else is doing". This seemed more like a plea than a threat, so I did the only thing I could. I nodded to show that I wouldn't. She smiled again before cutting her eyes.

"Wh-What?".

"You never told me what happened with Craig and Cartman yesterday", she whispered, clearly faking anger. I laughed at her bad acting, to which I received a smack on the arm. "I'm being serious Nay. Spill".

"Ow", I whimpered, rubbing my now sore arm. "If there's a bruise I'm coming after you", I jokingly threatened. She rolled her eyes playfully, but made it fully clearly that I wasn't leaving until I had told her what had happened. "They were arguing... and then one thing lead to another and Craig punched Cartman square in the face". She nodded her head, clearly realising that I was too lazy to go into detail about what had happened. I could tell by the look on her face that she would only bring it up again later though. Red was a gossiper, and she loved her gossip. "Didn't Craig get in trouble?", I asked with genuine curiousity. She looked at me thoughtfully before replying.

"Oh. Er.. No I don't think. Cartman didn't tell on him". I gasped to her amusement, as this factoid truthfully shocked me. I thought Cartman would want to get Craig expelled from the school almost straight away, but that didn't seem to be the case. Red noted my shock, and explained.

"Cartman was scared Craig would hit him again so he hasn't told anyone".

"Oh". Now everything made sense. "Where is Cartman anyway?".

"In the nurses office".

"Still?".

"Yeah... He's not in pain or anything. He's just scared to go walking around the school. He has to come in, but he stays with the nurse instead of going to lesson". Okay. Now I felt even worse for Cartman. He was clearly petrified to even walk around on school grounds.

"Where's the nurse's office?".

"That room down there". This time Bebe spoke, pointing to a door that was already part-ways open. I nodded my thanks with a pleasant smile, which resulted in me getting a glare from Red. I promised myself to ask her what I had done, but for now I wanted to check how Cartman was doing.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter 6 done and dusted! I'm thinking that Chapter 7 will carry on from this, basically describing the remainder of the day before Chapter 8 talks about the bus trip and the kids at the appreciation camp thing. Some people may find this chapter and the next a bit pointless, but I just hate it when stories skip a bunch of days to get to the interesting points. Maybe it's just how I am, but I literally have to write as much as I can or I'm unhappy with myself. I'm weird, I know. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this reference-filled chapter. The plot is realy beginning to thicken I think, but you guys would have to probably squint really hard to see it. Oh and the meterosexual fad ****isn't**** here to stay. I just knew that a lot of people really enjoyed that episode so I thought I'd reference it somehow ahah.**

** Before I forget... Thanks to 'Pardoxia', 'xandermatin98', 'Moosemac' & 'IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch', for the reviews. They've both been helpful and made me feel committed in writing more. I messaged you all thanks but I'm not sure on whether I actually clicked send when I sent my thanks so I just thought I'd put it here ahaha. Thanks again guys!**

** Disclaimer; South Park is owned by Trey Parker & Matt Stone... Not by me. But we can all pretend otherwise.**


	8. Fucking Wolves

**Chapter Seven**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

I opened the door cautiously. Cautiously, mainly because I didn't know whether the nurse was a total cow or not. You can call me a pussy all you like, but I'm no pussy... I just think it's better to be safe than sorry. Anyways, as I was saying; I opened the door cautiously and took a step inside. Instantly the smell of anti-biotics and soap stung at my nose. That may sound like an 'okay' smell. I mean, it wasn't a totally bad smell, but it was really strong. I don't know how to exp- . I'm going to be honest. I'm totally rambling because I'm nervous that the nurse will be a bitch and rip my head off if she sees me. I retract my earlier statement, I am a total pussy.

"Why hello there". Shit! Shit! Shit! She wasn't looking at me. She was tending to Cartman who was sat on an examination table, totally trying to avoid looking at her. He greeted my presence with a thankful smile. Why he did that, I'm not so sure.

"How can I help you?", she smiled as she removed a rubber glove from her hand and put it in the bin that was situated just to the left of her. She had a sweet voice, and hair coloured bright pink. She seemed nice enough, so after recovering from my little panic attack, I let out a breath and began to reply.

"I- I'm fine thanks. I was just checking on Eric". Eric gave me a confused look, while the nurse chuckled happily to herself.

"Oh how nice", she charmed as she stood up from her chair, and stalked towards the sink at the back of the room. "You've got 5 minutes until class, so make sure to hurry", she almost sang. I snorted at her enthusiastic personality, which luckily went unheard by her. Eric noticed my reaction to her and let out a deep chuckle. His chuckle brought my eyes to land on him. He too, was dressed in clothing that probably would look somewhat better on a girl... if I could say that. To be honest, I'd preferably say those clothes would look better in a trash compactor, but all to their own. Is that how the saying goes? Pfft... I don't now. I'm only 10, how am I supposed to know.

"What do you want?", he spat accusingly, obviously expecting me to say something to insult him. With his first reaction being this, I couldn't lie and say I wasn't tempted to insult him, but I had come here out of good will so I made sure to stick with a good motive.

"Just checking you're okay. Craig... He really took it out on you, huh?", I asked awkwardly. Maybe I hadn't thought this through. I wanted to check that Cartman was okay but I had nothing to say to this person. Well... nothing nice per say. Cartman rolled his eyes at my response and flipped me off behind the nurses back. I decided to be the bigger man and ignored his insult. "I've heard you haven't got to go to lessons... I guess that's a plus... yeah?". He looked at me calculatingly, obviously having an internal battle with himself. He sighed, but then let a smug smirk wash over him.

"Yeah. I haven't got to go to any lessons for the rest of the day", he momentarily paused as he put his arms behind his head to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. "I haven't got to go the Appreciation Camp either".

"Wh- What!?". He didn't reply, he just smiled evily.

"Send me a postcard won't you?". I swear that if the nurse wasn't in the room I would totally wipe that smug look right off his face. I might be a pussy, but I can have outbursts of courage and strength, just like any other kid. As if sensing what I was thinking, Cartman flipped me off again and asked me what time it was. This obviously caught the attention of the nurse who took a step backwards to look at the clock on the wall.

"You'll have to go to lesson now sweetie", she informed as she finished up at the sink. I glared into the back of her head... until she turned around that was.

"OH MY GOD!". I instantly held my mouth after my outburst. The nurse's smile faultered a little, but she managed to put something similar to a smile on her face. Her deformed conjoined baby fetus face. Cartman was wildly laughing at my reaction to the nurse's appearance. Instead of shouting at me or getting angry, she put on a brave face and shushed me out of the nurses office. The only thing I could feel once she had pushed me out of the room was disbelief and guilt.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"The person was identified as Diana Cravendale. Her family has been informed of the incident, and her funeral has been organised for Thursday". A low chuckle serenaded the end of the news reporters sentence. With a scratch at his bald head, and a final sip from his beer, our favourite murderer rose from his seat and stared admiringly to the ceiling.

"We did it mommy!", he screamed in joy, clapping his hands rapidly. "I'm going to be famous at last", he giggled childishly. However, as if on cue to ruin his day, the news reporter continued; "Our sources tell us that this is clearly the work of the Alien Beast that we've all been hearing about. For more information, we have our news correspondant right at the scene. Broadcasting for our news, here's 'Midget Wearing A Bikini'".

"Thanks Tom. There's been a right carnage down here in Stark Forest. Blood splattered all over the place in a gruesome scene straight out of a horror book. The victim, known as Diana was initially believed to have been murdered by the elusive murderer that's been wanted around South Park for the past month or so...". At the mention of his 'status', the bald man screamed happily, while doing some sort of make-shift dance purely to emphasise how successful he felt.

"We did it Ma! We did it!".

"...this was because the victim was missing her left hand. However the body was also found ripped to shreds, skin and bone thrown wrecklessly all over the place. Because of this, the police department believe that this is the work of the Alien Beast". Hearing this caused baldy to stop his dance of macarbe, and instead clutch onto the sides of his television in desperation. All he wanted was to show his mom that he could be somebody. He could be famous. He could be infamous. He could be on the news. Oh how impressed his mother would be!

"No. NO! That was me! I killed her! I took her hand!", he argued with the television, shaking it angrily in his grasp.

"Animalistic teeth marks were found on the bits of body that were mangled by the alien beast. All this news respondant has to ask is; how are we going to sleep at night knowing that this beast is still at large".

"ARGH!", the bald man shrieked as he pushed his television on to it's back, causing the screen to split and turn to static. "Fucking wolves", he muttered to himself as he lifted himself back to his feet. He had killed that woman. He had cut her hand off. That was his calling card. He should be the one relishing in this fame, yet his glory had been taken from him, by some stupid fucking animal that had been looking for an easy meal. Our killer, much unlike the town, did not believe that this alien beast really existed. He had lived right next to the forest his whole adult-life, and not once had he seen anything alien like. He had seen bears. He had seen boars. He had saw wolves, pigs, deer and even other people. But he hadn't saw any alien beasts. None at all. Rubbing his hand over his bald head, he sighed loudly. He picked up his hat from the floor, followed by a can of beer from his broken mini-fridge and finally a shotgun that he had discarded behind his sofa. With a repeated "Fucking wolves", he swept out of his house as quick as his legs would carry him.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

I stalked into Mr Garrison's classroom feeling very sorry for myself indeed. I had basically embarrassed both myself and Nurse Gollum purely for something she has no control over. I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I hate it when people take the piss out of someone for something they can't control, and I had just done that. I had done one of the things I hate most. I slid on to my seat, totally ignoring the stares I was being given for not dressing in some ridiculous clothing. Talking about not dressing in ridiculous clothing, Kyle had promptly decided to sit in Cartman's discarded seat for some reason. As if my curiousity had become too much for me to handle, I turned on the spot and looked at Kyle. Surveying him, he looked sad. He looked... bruised. Someone had hit him I think.

"Haha there's two butch bastards now", a kid known only as Dogpoo chuckled menacingly. I took a leaf out of Cartman's book and simply flipped him off, while continuing to stare at Kyle. He obviously felt my eyes on him, and stared back at me curiously.

"What's up with you". He shook his head lightly, and buried his face into his crossed arms. I rolled my eyes, and sighed with annoyance. Again, he looked towards me and I stared back, still awaiting my answer.

"Token and that lot bet me up for not being meterosexual", he whimpered sadly. I nodded incredulously in reply. I had heard of people being bet up for looking meterosexual, but never the other way around. Twisting back on my seat, I held my head in my hand and just wondered who would be the first to launch a fist in my direction.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"This is brilliant", Al Gore sang as he fashioned together some brown fabric. "I'm super serial. Why did I not think of this before!?" He continued to place pieces of brown material into his shopping basket. He had drove to Denver town, to try and put his previously discovered plan into action, and had fortunately managed to stumble up a small polish store, that sold everything. From non-translated dorito crisps to glow in the dark fishing wire. If you wanted some random crap, they sold that random crap. "I could use this", he whistled as he scooped up a tube of superglue. He tried to read the label on the glue, but of course he had no understanding on how to read polish. Infact, he had no idea what language this was. To him, they just looked like shapes and lines. To any other person, they'd most likely know that the language was in some sort of eastern-european language. Russian most-likely. Never-the-less, Al shoved the glue in his basket and carried on searching through the store. With a shop like this, his plan would be underway in no time.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Hey Kyle".

"Hey Chef".

"How's It Going?".

"Bad".

"Why bad?".

I kicked myself for not rushing to lunch quickly. I had reluctantly waited for Kyle, so that the chance of either of us being ganged upon at dinner was lowered. However, this meant that we were basically at the back of the dinner line, and we had been stood in the line for about 20 minutes before being able to even be given food. But no, that wasn't the worst of it, I now had to wait for Kyle to finish his moaning to the school chef before I could eat. I was absolutely starving. I was wasting away. Kyle, there's things known as agony aunts. Stop wasting my valueable food-eating time and hurry yourself up.

"Yeah I noticed Kyle. I just thought you little crackers were having a fancy dress day". Oh god, not this again. Kyle had done nothing but spent the entirety of lesson time, complaining to me about the meterosexual fad that was happening. I throughully agreed with him that the fad was a bunch of shit, but he clearly did not think me agreeing with him was enough. He was mostly upset that his friends had outcasted him due to the fact that he apparently now looked butch. If this was anyone else I would've cared, but a few days previous he had helped beat me up when I was outcasted myself, so I wasn't too fussed that he was having a taste of his own medicine.

"C'mon children, you're holding up the line". With that, Kyle went to stand in the dinner hall. As usual, I handed Chef my food tray, and asked him how he was. He'd give the same reply that he normally did, then he handed me my food tray back and in return I'd smile my thanks, before walking into the dinner hall myself. Before I could even begin to find a seat Kyle was instantly by my side. The fact that he had got beaten up earlier had obviously shaken him up, as he hadn't left my side all day. I was prepared to play along however. I felt like the chance of us being ganged up on decreased if we weren't alone. So I guess his company was helping me, just as much as it was helping him.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"You. Lots of err... How you say?", a foreign woman asked politely, as she waved her hands hand towards the stock pile of objects that Mr Gore had brought with him to the till. She had a deep Romanian accent, and was pulling the most amused face possible. "Crafts?". Al nodded, not really paying attention to what she had asked. Instead he had hurriedly pushed the items on to the till for her to put them through her scanner.

"How much is this glue?", he asked as he picked it up from the pile. The woman looked at him, clearly not understanding what he was asking. "How much?", he repeated. She shook her head cautiously in an apologetic fashion.

"I. Err. I...", she trailed off nervously. Al Gore bit his lip to try and subdue the annoyance he was beginning to feel. He had to get this plan underway as soon as possible, otherwise the ManBearPig might work out his plan. He was super serial that it had to be done super soon. But the woman infront of him was making this a very impossible task indeed.

"Price!", he shouted aggravated. The woman shook a little before piecing together what he was asking her about.

"Oh. Ab- About Tree Fiddy", she whispered nervously, fearing that the customer infront of her was about to have another outburst... and after hearing the price, that was exactly what he did.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

It was now nearing the end of the school day. The end of the school week actually. Well, it was the end of the school week for Cartman. Everyone else (including myself) still to endure a weekend at some crummy camp. Even I wanted to punch myself. I longed for a weekend. Just for a couple days relaxation before I had to be subjected to anymore of the nonsense that was so abundant around here. On a positive side, a majority of the kids around me had finally had an epiphany and realised how stupid they looked in their meterosexual clothing. With red faces, and hushed voices they had snook off to get changed back into some more regular clothing. Infact everyone except for Stan, Kenny, Token, Craig and Clyde had gotten changed. Those five were currently trying to be more metero then each other. I rolled my eyes dramatically when Clyde's voice whined a high pitch 'Gurl!'. With a few finger snaps his voice stopped and Stan's voice took his place.

"Oh no you didn't".

"Yes baby girl. Yes I did".

"Don't make me snatch your ratass weave". Kenny's mumbled laughter sounded after Stan's remark. I think all five of them had realised how stupid they looked, but this was now a matter of pride. If they gave up now, then this whole fiasco would've been a total waste of time. Oh, and I may aswell mention that Kyle was no longer following me around like a lost puppy. Once people had began to realise how stupid they were, he instantly decided to migrate to Butters and Tweek. Of course, they were my friends too so he was still around me, but the fact that he was no longer the only company I had was very appealing indeed. Leaning back on my seat I stared tiresomely towards the clock positioned just above the chalkboard. Willing it too hurry up so that I could just go back home to the safety and normality of my house. As if God had decided he wanted to answer my prayers, the bell began to ring for the end of the day. I'm not entirely sure, but I think I was the first one out of seat, and out of the classroom.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

** Chapter 7. Done. I made sure to implement both references, and factors of the main plot into this chapter, so hopefully you guys won't find this chapter pointless. Next chapter will most likely be the bus trip and probably the arrival at the amazing fun lovely camp *Says that with enthusiastic sarcasm*. I'm not entirely sure how many chapters this story will actually have, because it's not as if I plan that far ahead, but I'm guessing we're probably a fifth/quarter of the way through. That might change, and the story may be over in no time. It totally depends on how I feel about this story as it progresses. As usual, if you have any queries or any suggestions for the story/my writing skills, then make sure to leave them in the review section! Thanks for reading this far by the way! ;D**

** Disclaimer; Do I still need to state this? South Park = Not Mine.**


	9. Buses & Boyfriends?

**Chapter Eight**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Go away Tweek. This seat's taken", Stan spat as he lifted his arm to point towards the empty seat next to him. Before Tweek could protest Kyle hurriedly rushed past him, and jumped onto the seat that Stan had been guarding for him. With a rejected sigh, Tweek continued down the aisle. Almost the entirety of the class had surrendered and given Mr Garrison their slip saying they would go to the Appreciation Camp, and now, here we were... all sardined together, getting prepared to be drove to the camp by Mr Garrison himself, (purely as the previous school bus driver had mysteriously disappeared just before my arrival in the town). Every now and then, I'd feel the piercing glares from my classmates. They were obviously still very bitter about the fact that they had been sentenced to this trip for mine and Cartman's antics. Worse of all, was the fact that Cartman had managed to skip the trip altogether due to the beating he recieved from Craig. Oh how I wished to be in place, so that I could avoid this stupid trip altogether.

Tweek twitched violently due to being shoved out of the way by Kyle and hurried down the aisle to find a seat next to someone. Anyone. He was desperate not to be sat alone. Apparently Tweek had some issues he needed to work out of his system. One issue for example was the fact that he hated to be on his own when travelling in a vehicle. Well... I guess that's normal for almost anyone, but Tweek really HATED being sat on his own. Supposedly, he goes super paranoid and it- It just doesn't go well. I was being told all this by Craig who for some reason had pulled me into the chair next to his. I purely guessed that he didn't want to be stuck up sitting by Tweek or Butters who Mr Garrison was still waiting for. Or maybe he was just grateful that I hadn't told on him about the whole 'punching-Cartman-in-the-face' fiasco. I didn't care what the reason actually was however. Being dragged to sit by Craig was a lot better than get the shit kicked out of you by Craig. I still religiously kept on my guard though. I wasn't entirely pleased with being sat next to him. Infact I was terrified. I didn't want to be sat next to a bully for the next hour and half... even if he did seem fractionally more friendly and open than our previous encounters.

"I had a fight with him once", Craig informed me out of nowhere as he continued to stare at the chair in front of him, little emotion showing through his stony face.

"W-Who?", I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

"Tweek". His nasally voice faltered for a bit when he let out what seemed to be some sort of reminiscient chuckle.

"Really?", I asked more to myself than to him. I turned on my seat to look for Tweek himself, and noticed that he was sat towards the back of the bus on his own. Great. Now I'd get to see whether Craig was telling the truth about Tweek losing his shit. I wasn't sure whether I was thrilled or devestated by that news. On the one side, if he had an outburst it would make the bus trip that little bit more enjoyable... but on the other hand, Tweek was one of three people that had actually given me a chance and befriended me. I turned back to Craig who nodded slightly to my earlier question. "How come?".

"Something stupid about shoving Stripe up my ass", he mumbled in monotone, as if the thing he had just said was a normal thing to say. I scrunched my nose at his sentence, and chose to ignore asking who on Earth had spread that, or why for that matter.

"Oh, Stripe...", with the mention of the name Craig turned to face me, looking at me accusingly. It was as if he was subliminarily warning me to not say anything out of line. "That's your Hamster right?". He smiled, obviously noticing that I wasn't going to insult him or his beloved pet.

"Guinea Pig actually", he hummed. "Cartman told me Tweek said I shove him up my butt so we had a fight".

"Oh. So Cartman said it? Why am I not surprised?". All I received in return was another chuckle. This one seemed more friendly than the previous one he had emitted.

"GAH!-Oh Jesus!".

I turned back around on my seat to look at Tweek who currently had clumps of his hair clamped into his hands. His one eye was spasming uncontrolably, and his teeth were clicking away. So this was what he was going to be like for the next hour or so. I had now decided whether I was thrilled or devestated by the fact I got to see him lose his nut. I was devestated. I had originally thought that Tweek would just be messing around and that his outburst would stem from wanting some more attention and not stem for actual insecurites and the such... but it turned out that he was actually getting severely paranoid at the fact he was sat on his own. With a sharp tug on his own hair, he made a yipping noise which caused Bebe to stare at him curiously from a couple seats behind me. Hesitantly, I held my hand on the side of my seat and began to lift myself to my feet. Before my feet could actually reach the floor however, Craig was staring at me with a 'holier-than-thou' emotion smeared over his face.

"Where-", he angrily started before mentally forcing himself to stop and begin his question again in a more tolerant tone. "Where are you going?". I shuffled my hands awkwardly.

"I'm g-going to err... Sit by Tweek because he's acting strange".

"That is normal for Tweek", he reasoned. I guessed this was probably true.

"I- I know. But I w-want to make sure he's okay", Craig looked at me, obviously wanting a bit more of an explanation. "I- err... He's my friend. You K-know? ...and I don't want to just leave my fr-friend on his own". The fear of getting bet up for ditching Craig to sit by Tweek was probably evident, but seriously... Could you blame me?

"Well aren't we friends?", he asked simply. A small smile was on his face, not enough of a smile to show he was in a good mood, but enough of a smile to show that he probably wasn't going to hit me out of rage. The smile on his face just seemed normal, as if he found asking someone he had not long ago bet up if they were friends, a normal thing to do. The thing was, the look on his face truly showed that he expected me to say yes.

"Y-you. Err. You bet me up", I quivered nervously as I rubbed my arm. He frowned slightly.

"I'm sorry about that", his nasally voice interjected as he took off his Chullo hat to inspect it for traces of snow.

"It's... It's okay", I mumbled cautiously.

"Great", He chuckled to himself before holding his free hand out. "Friends?". I looked at his hand pointedly, before inspecting his face. It seemed innocent and truthful enough, so I was hoping that this wasn't just some scam he had thought up to both embarrass and hurt me further. Reluctantly I grabbed his hand and shook it.

"Ye-Yeah. Friends". With my answer he smiled once more, before turning on his seat to speak to Clyde and Token who had unnoticeably been sitting right behind us this whole time.

"Hurry up Nathan. It's bad enough that we're waiting for Butters, isn't that right Mr Hat?", Mr Garrison quipped as he boarded the bus. I jumped at his voice and rushed down the aisle before he could begin voicing his puppet counterpart. Red smiled at me on my way down the aisle. I wonder why she had smiled? Was it a good smile? Or was she laughing at me? Maybe she wa-

"Too Much Pressure! - UGH!". Yes Tweek. I couldn't agree with you more. He looked at me nervously, his deer-like eyes widening as I ran towards him. He held his hands infront of his face as if expecting me punch him. Instead of punching him however I pounced on to the seat next to him, eager not to be told off by Mr Garrison again.

"Please -GAH- Don't hurt me! Oh Jesus!", he panicked as he shuffled closer to the window. I rolled my eyes at his antics and grasped onto his wrists so that I could lower them from his face.

"Calm down Tweek. It's me!", He looked at me through one eye, his other clenched shut in panic. His arms weakened under my grasp, and within seconds he had stopped protesting and was once again sitting semi-normally on his seat. Before either of us could greet each other, the entirety of the bus jolted forward a little when Mr Garrison pushed his foot down on the gas pedal. At first I thought we were going to die, but after Mr Garrison had loosened his grip on the gas pedal the speed of the bus came to constant safe speed. Scouring the aisle, I noticed that Butters was now happily engaging Craig, Token and Clyde in some conversation that neither of the trio cared much about. The sight made me unintentionally snort in laughter. The high pitched sound of my pig-like emission instantly caught the attention of Bebe and Wendy who looked at me both in humor and disbelief. I smiled an embarrassed smile back, my cheeks reddening to show how mortified my snort made me feel. Luckily Tweek decided to give me some form of distraction.

"How come you -Ugh- moved seats?", Tweek asked nervously as he frantically rummaged through his bag. I predicted he was trying to fish his coffee flask from his bag, and I smiled when I realised I had guessed correctly.

"You were sat on your own and you looked sad. I don't like my friends being sad", I explained matter-of-factly before fishing through my bag to retrieve a random chocolate bar that my mom had put in to my bag for when I got peckish. Tweek smiled appreciatively at my statement, before holding his flask to his lips and gulping down a mouthful of brown-caffeinated goodness. "You really like coffee", I mused as I opened my chocolate bar and began breaking it into assorted pieces.

"Yes I -Egh- love coffee", he sighed in return as he relaxed backwards into his seat. Coffee must've had some calming affect on Tweek. Noting that interesting factoid, I offered him a piece of chocolate to which he politely declined.

"More for me then", I chuckled before taking a bite.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Meanwhile, back towards the front of the bus Butters was slowy (but surely) annoying practically everyone with his insistant chattering. Normally everyone wouldn't mind his excessive mumbling and would even join him in conversation, but seeing as many of the fourth graders were not in the best mood this morning, he was quickly getting on people's nerves.

"Butters. For the last time. No one cares about whoever this Professor Chaos person is. No one cares in the slightest", Clyde spoked idly as he inspected his Facebook page on his mobile phone. His nasally voice was almost immediately silenced when Bebe spoke up.

"Actually Clyde. I'm very interested in finding out who Professor Chaos is", she stated playfully as she began to create a plait on the side of her head. Wendy looked at the girl sat next to her confusedly. To this Bebe replied;

"What!? He's hot". This statement caused a couple more eyes to turn to the blonde. She almost automatically noticed the increased attention her admittion was geting her, and blushed lightly. Bebe was always happy to be in the spotlight, but maybe she had admitted something that was a little too embarrasing. As if to justify her statement she looked around to address everyone who was staring at her. "I mean... The fact that he's evil. That's so hot". The girls around her nodded in agreement before going back to their own things. Wendy felt the urge to push on interrogating her friend, but was cut off before she could do so.

"Being evil doesn't make you hot", Token laughed as he turned a page in the comic book he was now reading. Clyde nodded along with him in agreement.

"Being evil makes you a douchebag".

"No it doesn't", Bebe argued back.

"It does".

"Nuh-Uh"

"Ya-Ah". Before Bebe could respond, Craig cut in to save everyone the ear ache of hearing two 10 year old argue like babies for the entirety of the trip.

"Remember that new kid that moved next to Butters. He turned evil and made his own Orc club or some crap. He's a douchebag now".

"N-no Craig", Butters began, "We called him douchebag from the start... a-and then he turned evil". Craig nodded in thought.

"Yeah. But he wasn't an actual douchebag until he went all crazy". Before anyone could argue with him, Craig continued. "So it just shows that being evil turns you into a douchebag".

"That makes you and Clyde douchebags too then, huh?", Stan mocked with a twisted smirk playing on his lips. "Seeing as you both made some evil team". Before Craig could defend himself Clyde had gotten up from his seat to try and make himself seem more menacing.

"That was not my fault. If fatass hadn't of banished me from space and time then I wouldn't of stole th-".

"-You don't need to explain yourself to these assholes", interrupted Craig as he slouched back into his chair while absent-mindedly giving Stan the finger.

"Oi! Don't flip me off you assrammer". Stan glared at Craig when he realised that he was being ignored by said boy.

"Fellas? W-Where is Cartman?". This time it was Butter who spoke. Half to break the tension that was manifesting in the bus, and half to check if anyone knew what had happened to his friend. At this, the fourth graders looked around to try and find their chubby classmate but to no avail.

"Red? Didn't your boyfriend check on Cartman yesterday?", Bebe shouted to her friend over a bunch of seats. The mention of the word boyfriend not only caused people to stare at Red, but also caused Red to go... well... to go red.

"Bebe! He's not my boyfriend!", Red protested embarrasedly as her face became a tone much resembling her hair.

"Yeah, sure", Bebe replied sarcastically, as if to purposely tease her friend. Wendy looked towards Red, with a questionning glare. Wendy had a lot of questions to ask a lot of people today. Red closed her eyes to try and will her skin colour back to normal. Realising that this wasn't helping her in the slightest she re-opened her eyes and glared at Bebe.

"Yes he went to see Cartman". Bebe smiled sardonically, which caused Red to formulate a flustered reply. "...and he's not my boyfriend!".

"Whose Red's boyfriend?", Clyde asked Bebe curiously as he slid his phone into his pocket. Bebe smirked and mouthed a name. This resulted in Red calling Bebe a bitch under her breath.

"Oh really?", Clyde chuckled once he had learned who Red's mystery man was. Getting up to his feet, he turned to face the back of the bus and shouted at the top of his lungs. "So you're going out with Red are you?".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"So you're going out with Red are you!?", Clyde shouted from the front of the bus. His outburst caused Tweek to spasm a little in his seat, spilling a small amount of coffee over his poorly-buttoned shirt.

"GAH! Oh Jesus!", Tweek panicked as he looked down at his wet clothes. "M-My mom is going to -AHH- kill me. Sh-She's going to -ACK- sell me into Sl-Sl-Slavery". I did nothing but stare at Tweek as he rambled on about some worst case scenario of his mom posting him to some slave owner.

"Tweek. You do realise that your mom and dad aren't going to find out about your shirt. They're not going to see you for the weekend so don't panic dude", I reassured him in the most comforting tone I could fathom. He looked at me, with a little more ease set in his features before he settled back in his chair and gazed at the view outside the window. After noting that Tweek was now in a calm state I looked towards the front of the bus again, only to realise that a lot of my classmates now had their eyes on me... and for once, their eyes weren't accusing. Not being entirely certain that I wanted to involve myself with whatever conversation was going on at the front of the bus I tried to settle back into my seat.

Keyword being 'tried'.

Believe it or not. It's quite hard to relax when multiple people are staring at you knowingly. What they knew however I had no clue. Choosing to go to my last resort, I scoured through my bag for a second time and pulled out my mobile phone. Fortunately I had charged my battery to full last night, and the internet symbol had two bars glowing. Meaning I had some connection to Wi-Fi, but no the best connection. Some connection was better than no connection. Smiling at this fact, I decided to get as comfortable in my seat as I could and began to scour my profile on the social networking site that seemed to be all the rage.

"You have Fa-Facebook?", Tweek spluttered as he packed his flask back into his bag. I nodded in reply.

"I don't really use it much. I only go on it to speak to my friends from the other places I've lived in". Tweek finished fiddling with his bag, returning to his seated position. "I'll show you some of them, if you want?". Tweek nodded to my offer, grateful for something to keep his mind focused on now that his coffee supply had run dry.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"GAH! Oh Jesus!". Tweek's panic at Clyde's outburst was so loud it was heard at the front of the bus.

"God Tweek is so loud", Stan muttered to Kyle.

"I know Stan", he replied simply. "He's always been loud".

"Yeah", interrupted Jimmy Vulmer who had sat beside Kenny on the seats behind Stan and Kyle. He had his crutches resting on his lap, and was smiling carelessly to no one in particular. "Re-Remember when he-he kept screa-screaming about the underee- about the underpaha- underpen- underpants gnomes?". The memory Jimmy brought up played in their heads and resulted in them all chuckling to themselves. Their chuckling was cut off when Clyde's voice was heard again.

"He blanked me!". He shouted in disbelief as he stared at Nathan and Tweek who were now surveying something on the former's phone.

"He's not blanking you!", Red protested.

"Well of course you're going to stick up for your boyfriend".

"Shut up Bebe! He's not my boyfriend", she hissed. "Clyde. He's not blanking you, he just has no idea what your talking about because we're not boyfriend and girlfriend".

"Yet".

"Shut up Bebe!". Wendy rolled her eyes at her two friends antics and decided to talk to Annie who was situated behind her. As if following the trend, Clyde sat back down and began conversing with Token, leaving Craig to deal with Butters for the rest of the trip.

"So h-how are you Craig?".

"Shut up Butters".

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Howdy guys! Chapter Eight done and dusted. I know this one took a little time, but I've been busy... bashing the South Park-Stick Of Truth Game! It's simply amazing, and now that I've finished it, my life feels that little more empty. I hope they bring out some Mission DLC for it, because it was an amazing game. If you guys are deciding whether or not to buy it and give it a go, then STOP deciding and just get it already! GET IT! **

** Anyways, this was Chapter Eight! How'd you guys like it? I wanted to do a chapter focussed solely on the kids, and if you haven't realised it yet, Tweek, Butters and Craig are going to play some sort of role in this story. So for all you Tweekers, Butters, and Tuckers fans, there's plently of those guys to come. Nothing Yaoi though, so if you're expecting that then you're going to be disappointed. I have nothing against those types of stories, I just don't feel comfortable writing one myself. **

** Hopefully the next chapter will come a lot sooner then this one did, and before I forget... Thanks to '**_**Guest**_**' for the review about being a sad panda. You don't know how much that review made me laugh! Much love to you Guest. Much love to you ahah!**

** Disclaimer; Guess what's mine? Not South Park :[**


	10. Cooties

**Chapter Nine**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Ahaha!", came an ecstatic croaky cackle from our favourite murderer, when he realised his latest shot had blasted a hole deep into a dire wolf. He wiped his brow tiredly as he crept towards the writhering animal. It whined in pain, much like a dog would do if you were to kick it, and kicked it's back legs carelessly as if to try and lift itself from the ground. "This'll teach you for stealing my fame, you fucking wolf bastard!", the murderer laughed manically as he lifted his shotgun into the air and swung it down upon the wolf's head with as much strength as he could muster. The sound of animal pain silenced as splatters of blood serenaded the brutal demise of the wolf. Deciding that this would be his third and final murder of the day, he pushed his cap firmly onto his head and began to stalk back towards his home. He may have been done for the day, but his murderous rampage on the animal wildlife of Stark Forest was very much... not over.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"What the fuck was that sound?".

"Token shut up. You're not going to scare me!".

"No Clyde I'm being serious. Didn't you hear that?".

"It's not working", Clyde protested nervously as he busied himself with Token's discarded comic book. Token sighed, just as nervously as the boy next to him.

"Clyde. Trust me. I'm being serious. It sounded like a gun shot". Clyde pulled his face from the comic book he was pretending to read and scourered his friends face to work out how serious Token was actually being. To his regret, it appeared that Token was deadly serious, Clyde could tell by the fear that was etched onto his face.

"Token you're scaring me now. Stop it". Token sighed for the second time, mainly to try to mask his fear.

"Fags", Craig muttered under his breath, unintentionally cutting Token off. He earned an accusing glare from Butters, but chose to ignore it.

"Don't call me a fag Craig", Token ordered in a threatening tone, to which he recieved Craig's middle finger. "You're a douche".

"That's nice", was Craig's non-chalant reply. Token rolled his eyes at the reply and settled back into his seat, Clyde quietly whimpering beside him. Surprisingly to most people, Clyde was a very emotional person and some of the stupidest things could make him panic and cry. Of course he often embarrassed himself when he let his emotions get the better of him, which was why he acted harder and more bluntly than he originally would have. He believed that if he made his personality seem more offensive and brunt, he would earn the respect of his peers alot easier. This had partly worked, as the more cowardly kids now had some sort of negative respect for him, but respect was respect and Clyde was happy to receive it. Whether it was good or bad. His true friends however secretly resented the fake persona he had put on. They preferred it when he was an over-emotional kid a lot more than the arrogant arsehole he pretended to be.

"It's okay Clyde. I was probably hearing things", Token reasoned as he comfortingly placed a reassuring hand on his bestfriend's back. To his surprise, Craig had even turned around and was now peering over the back of his seat.

"Yeah", his muffled voice began as it vibrated through the chair, "Don't worry dude".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Is Clyde crying?".

"That's hot".

"Bebe?".

"What Wendy? A boy intune with their emotions is so hot".

"Is there anything that you don't find hot?".

"Cartman", Wendy chuckled at this lightly. At the mention of the name Stan, Jimmy, Kenny and Kyle turned to face the girls.

"Where is Cartman then?", Stan asked curiously as he stared at Wendy with an undescribeable emotion. She smiled at his expression, but then shrugged in a very un-lady like fashion.

"Like Bebe said. Only Nathan went to see him. Only he knows".

"Oh. Right", Stan replied in a sub-dued tone. Wendy always had this affect on him. She made him giddy. She made his head hurt in all the right ways. He just couldn't explain it.

"How come he hasn't told Red?". Kyle asked this. His question more directed to Bebe then Wendy. None the less, Wendy paid attention to her friend's reply.

"There not together really", Bebe explained before looking over her shoulder to check whether Red was watching her. Luckily Red was already deeply engaged in a conversation with Lola. Her hands being flung around wildly as she explained something in a very dramatic way. Noting that Red wasn't listening, Bebe turned back to her friends. "Red likes him though. She's just too scared to tell him". The reaction her friends gave her was mixed. Wendy 'aww-ed', Jimmy and Kenny smiled, Kyle faked a gagging expression, and Stan scrunched his eyebrows together.

"Sick dude!".

"What's sick about that?".

"We need to warn Nathan, Kyle. Before it's too late". At this, Kyle nodded frantically in agreement.

"What is there to warn him about?", Wendy hissed. Her nostrils flared devilishly and she gripped onto coat to try and calm herself down.

"Girls are yucky", Kyle answered honestly and bluntly. As if this were a fact that Wendy truly should've known by now.

"What!?", Bebe exclaimed.

"Didn't you know?".

"No Kyle I didn't know. I didn't know because girls aren't yucky".

"Well of course you're going to say that. You're a girl".

"Stan! You agree with Kyle?".

"Err.. Ye-Yeah. Sorry Wendy". Stan gulped at the suddenly empty expression on Wendy's face. Realising the extent of what this conversation was doing to people's friendship, Jimmy and Kenny nodded to each other, before turning to sit back in their seats and remain uninvolved.

"How are we yucky!?", Bebe part-asked, part-screeched. It was as if she had raised her voice to make up for the fact that Wendy was no longer interested in talking. She was just sat back in her seat sulking to herself.

"Girls have cooties".

"Nu-Uh Kyle. It's boys that have cooties".

"No Bebe. It's girls that have cooties. Ask anyone".

"Fine I will. Annie!". At the mention of her name, a small blonde girl turned to look at Bebe.

"You can't ask a girl!".

"You said I could ask anybody".

"Yeah but-"

"Well shut up then! Annie! Do girls...", she paused to add emphasis "...or boys...", another pause for emphasis, "...have cooties?".

"What?", Annie asked first in disbelief, and then a second time in a fashion that made it seem as if she were trying to cover a chuckle up.

"Who has cooties. Boys or girls?".

"You guys still believe in cooties?", Annie laughed. Heidi, a short pale girl sat next to Annie, began giggling along side her. The increasing volume of laughter caused Stan, Kyle and Bebe's face to redden.

"She's such a two faced skank", Bebe bitched under her breath so that only the three of them could hear. Well four if you counted Wendy, who was busy acting as if she wanted no part in the conversation. Kyle and Stan gawped at Bebe's bitchiness but made no move to defend Annie.

"Look. We only wanted to know where Cartman is".

"Yeah. That's all we asked, so there's no need to be a bitch about it". Even though Stan had directed this towards Bebe, Wendy ultimately thought that he had meant for that insult to be aimed at her.

"What did you say!?", she spluttered angrily through gritted teeth. Stan looked at her, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. Before anyone could reply, Wendy was stood up and was menacingly leaning over the seat infront of her's and behind Stan's. Before he could even defend himself, Wendy reached over and clawed her hand onto his jacket. Looking him straight in the eyes, she spoke every following word loudly and clearly. "Don't. Fuck. With. Wendy. Testaburger". Feeling Stan's heartbeat phrash faster against the hand his jacket was clamped in, she smirked deviously before letting go of the jacket and sitting back on her seat. Instantly acting as if nothing had happened, she turned to Bebe and asked her how long it would take to get to the camp. Bebe looked at Wendy through fearful eyes and spluttered an answer that Wendy seemed content with. Noticing that the conversation was now over, Kyle turned to sit on his seat properly and pulled Stan to join him.

"What was all that about Kyle?".

"I have no clue Stan".

"I- I only wanted to know where fatass was". Kyle playfully punched Stan in the arm to try to lighten his spirits.

"I know dude. I'll just have to ask Nathan on Facebook". The playful punch resulted in a small smile being placed on Stan's face, and he nodded at Kyle's plan. Maybe finding out why fatass wouldn't be on the trip would help put him in a better mood.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

'Bzzz'.

"Oh Jesus! W-What's that!?", Tweek spluttered as he thrust his hands infront of his face to defend himself. Only a moment ago he had been fast asleep, a surprisingly calm and neutral expression displaying on his face. Obviously his coffee high had really taken the energy out of him, as he had been fast asleep for well over half an hour, but as soon as my phone had buzzed Tweek was back. Twitches and stutters in all their golden glory.

"Calm it Tweek". He jumped at the sound of my voice.

"GAH- S-Sorry man!". I rolled my eyes at his iconic reaction. In all honesty, Tweek was a really good friend and we got on really well. But his constant twitching and paranoid persona made it very difficult not to just decide to deny ever knowing the blonde, and decide to defriend him as fast as you possibly could. This was probably a very two-faced way to think, but being forced to sit on a bus next to the nervous nitwit was beginning to have a very negative affect on my personality. Maybe I should've stayed in my seat next to Craig. I mean, then Butters would've sat here and he would've had to of dealt with Tweek while I could just get some peace and quiet. Even though he was grating on me, I didn't really blame him too much for it. Tweek was Tweek. This was him. His panicked outbursts, and random twitches... They were what made Tweek, Tweek. He couldn't help being like that, so I really couldn't find it in myself to blame him for annoying me. He was annoying the crap out of me, that I'm going to admit. But let's just say that he's annoying me due to my own impatience and unefficient way of dealing with people. Maybe I just need some fresh air. I bet, that as soon as we all get off the bus me and Tweek will get on like a house on fire.

"W-What was tha-ACK- that noise?".

"Just my phone Tweek. Go back to sleep".

"I-I can't now man! That's way too much pressure!". Hearing this, I pinched the bridge of my nose while removing my phone from my trouser pocket.

"How can falling asleep possibly be too much pressure?".

"Cau-Cause you told me to go to sleep. I -AGH- can't go to sleep now that y-you told me too. What i-if you try to kill me while I sleep?".

"I wouldn't put it past me", I mumbled tiredly as I unlocked my phone and opened the Facebook app.

"W-What?", he asked loudly as his eyes ran up and down my face wildly.

"I said... I- I hope we get there fastly" I improvised as not to get another obnoxiously loud reaction from Tweek. When I looked up at him, I could tell that he was judging me with his eyes as if he were trying to work out whether or not I was telling the truth or not. Before he coould come up with an answer I decided it would probably be best if I just distracted him so that I wouldn't end up with an argument on my hands. "You need to cut down on the coffee Tweek. It's making you paranoid". He chuckled nervously at this.

"D-Don't I know it. -ACK-". He ended his mumbled admission with a particularly violent twitch, before looking through his bag. As he did this, the Facebook app finally decided to open up.

_-Hello Nathan. You have 11 new friend requests, 2 notifications and 0 new messages-_

How I had managed to miss this message when I was showing Tweek my friends from the previous places I've lived in was beyond me. I wasn't always one for paying attention to things though, so I guess this was no surprise. Feeling intrigued I decided to keep the friend requests till last and headed straight to the notifications.

_-You have been invited by Osyill Ika to play Farmlandvillage-_

Oh Osyill. Osyill was an African exchange student I'd met back when I lived in England. She was from a very highly religious family, and contrastingly was one of the sassiest people I had met to this date. I mean, even sassy meterosexual Clyde from yesterday had nothing on this girl. None the less, her sassy nature had instantly made me find her hilarious and we had gotten on well. The only negative is that she always sent me stupid game requests. Chuckling lightly I clicked onto the other notification.

_-'Mom' has tagged you in a status; "My son __Nathan__ is going on a trip today with all his new friends. Have a great day sweetie. Love you lot x"-_

I rolled my eyes at my mom's over-affectionate status, but smiled at the thought that she had actually wanted to put this on a social site for everyone to see. I quickly liked the status before being shoved lightly by Tweek who was jittering away in his seat.

"You just knocked into me", I stated testily. Again, I received a very Tweek-esque reaction.

"GAH! S-Sorry! Don't -ACK- hurt me!".

"Tweek. For the love of everything whole and mighty. Stop panicking". I tried to force my most understanding tone into my request, but seeing as it was coming out a face that was contorted into an aggravated frown it wasn't convincing anyone.

"So -ERG- Sorry".

"What's up with you?", I asked with a tone that dared Tweek to decline me an answer, while simultaneously waiting for my friend requests to load.

"I've -AGH- ran out of coffee". I snorted a quick laugh at the situation, but quickly decided to manipulate it for my gain.

"I know", I began as I turned on my seat excitedly so that I was fully facing the nervous blonde. "If you go the rest of the trip without panicking another... let's say three times. I'll buy you a large coffee".

"Oh Jesus, that's way too much pressure!", he spluttered almst instantly.

"That was panic number one", I mumbled as I gave him a hopefully comforting look. "Don't you want that drink?". He went to say something again but he instantly clasped his hands over him mouth, and instead nodded at me. His eyes wide with fear that he was going to lose his chance to get some caffeine inside him. As soon as I noticed the fear that was filling his eyes I felt guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't right that I was using a weakness of his just for some time without his outbursts. But I also needed some time with him going 'Oh Jesus' every five minutes. Deciding that I'd buy Tweek a cup of coffee whether he failed or not I turned back to my phone.

_-11 Friend Requests; Leopold Stotch, Rebecca Rederford, Heidi Turner, Token Black, Bebe Stevens, Pip Phirrup, Pete Melman, Sheila Broflovski, Polly Prissypants, Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski-_

I looked at the list, and decided there was no time like the present to sort them out.

Leopold Stotch, as I had learnt a few days previous, was Butters real name so yes, I agree. We're friends indeed.

Rebecca Rederford... was actually Red's real name. This, I had only just worked out, seeing as her picture showed up when I went on her profile. Rebecca? I like that name I thin- Back to thing at hand please Nathan.

Heidi Turner? That was a girl in our class I think. She hadn't really spoken to me in person, but she hadn't been an arsehole either so I guess I'd accept her friendship. Token Black, was definitely in my class. Much like Heidi he hadn't really spoke to me much, but seeing as he hadn't been an arsehole to me either, I accepted him too. Bebe Stevens, was the blonde in the class who I thought was a bit of a... what's the word I could use... Attention whore? She liked attention basically. But she had been friendly with me, so I went and accepted her Facebook friend request also.

I declined Pip's request, as he hadn't spoken to me since Thursday I think? Even then, it was only to check I wasn't laughing at him. For some reason he had just learnt to not like me. If he wanted to be like that then fine. It didn't bother me.

Pete Melman was the boy who had apparently shit his pants at school not too long ago. Maybe more out of pity than anything else I chose to accept his friend request.

Seeing Sheila Broflovski's name surprised me slightly, but as soon as I remembered that I had met her and her friend Sharon when they had came around my house earlier in the week, I calmed down and decided pretty quickly to accept her friend request. I just thought it would be a good idea if I didn't get on the wrong side of her. As much I hate to admit it... She was a very scary woman.

What could I say to the next name... Polly Prissypants? Now I'm entirely 100% certain that no one in my class... or my school is called Polly Prissypants. Clicking on her name, brought me to a Facebook profile in which the picture was that of a doll. Most of the statuses were silly things and jokes that made me laugh, no matter how cheesy or terrible they were. If Polly was going to carry on posting comedy gold, then I was sold.

Craig Tucker. We all know who he is, and whether I accept him as a friend or not isn't really a question I'm going to ask myself. He may have beaten me up the other day, but that did not mean I wanted anymore beatings. I am totally not prepared to get myself bet up again. Screw that. I'm accepting the friend request.

Finally, Kyle Broflovski... Even though I'd love to decline his friend request, he had apologised to me about helping to beat me up. Plus, I now had his mom on Facebook, and I didn't want him telling on me if I declined him. (I told you guys I was a pussy. If you didn't believe me then, I bet you believe me now). Sighing, I accepted the last friend request and turned to Tweek who was looking out of the window, hand still desperately clutched over his mouth.

"Tweek", I started. A renewed feeling of sympathy in my voice.

"GAH! Oh Je-", He gasped before tightening his grip on his mouth.

"Strike Two", I joked before continuing on, "I was kidding Tweek. You're my friend. If they make coffee's there I'll buy you one". Okay. What I had just said was part lie... because I originally wasn't joking. But the rest was all true. He was my friend... and after my pang of guilt I had decided to buy him a coffee whether he won or lost my challenge. It was only fair seeing as I had tried to manipulate his panicky-persona for a little peace and quiet. All I got in reply was a shake of his head. "Why not?".

"You're Ly-Lying", was his mumbled reply. I guess it was only fair that he didn't believe me I guess.

"I'm not Tweek", I said simply as I held my hand out for him to shake, "I promise that I'll buy you a large coffee if they sell them". Tweek looked at me. calculating in his head whether or not to trust me. Before a choice could be made, he 'GAH-ed' at the sound of phone vibrating. Noticing that my hand was still outstretched even though he had lost the bet, he looked at me curiously, as if asking for my permission. In return I grabbed his hand myself and shook it before releasing his hand and picking up my phone. As I unlocked my phone it buzzed again. Obviously I was popular today.

_-Hello Nathan. You have 0 new friend requests, 0 notifications and 2 new messages-_

Smiling at my new-found popularity I clicked onto the message button to see who the messages were off. The first was off... 'Polly Prissypants'... and err. The- Er. Sorry. The fact that a doll had messaged me kind of threw my mind out the window for a second. The latter message was from Kyle, who after I had a quick scour along the bus aisle, I noticed was trying to talk some sense into Stan about some topic I couldn't really understand. Smiling, I clicked on the Polly Prissypants message.

_-Polly Prissypants; Hello Assrammer. _

Lovely. After quickly sending back a sarcastic 'Hey beautiful', I clicked onto Kyle's message and began to converse with the Jew who was only about fifteen steps away from me.

_-Kyle Broflovski; Do u no y Cartman ay ere?_

_-Nathan Greylin; Yhyh, Y?_

_-Kyle Broflovski; Cos we wana no._

_-Nathan Greylin; Who is we?_

_-Kyle Broflovski; Evry1 the front of bus._

_-Nathan Greylin; Oh. Cus of Craig's punch. Eric got excused frum trip or sumthin._

_-Kyle Broflovski; Weak!_

_-Nathan Greylin; Agree._

As I clicked back to the Polly Prissypants chat, all I could hear was Kyle begin to rant about fatasses.

_-Nathan Greylin; Btw, do I no u IRL?_

_-Polly Prissypants; Maybe you do ginger. Maybe you do._

_-Nathan Greylin; Eric?_

_-Polly Prissypants; How?_

_-Polly Prissypants; Who, I mean*_

_-Nathan Greylin; Just sum kid skool._

_-Polly Prissypants; He sounds kewl._

_-Nathan Greylin; Dis is defo Eric._

_-Polly Prissypants; I don't know this amazing Eric Cartman person you speak of. _

_-Nathan Greylin; I nvr sed last name._

_-Nathan Greylin; U just gave urself away Eric._

_-Polly Prissypants; Fuck you! Fuckin' piece of crap!_

_**Polly Prissypants is no longer online.**_

Charming.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter NINE. Almost at chapter 10. I finished writing this at like Two in the morning, so if it isn't up to scratch, then forgive me but I was tried and blah blah blah. I wanted to do another chapter mainly focusing on the fourth graders. Just introducing their personalities and the such so that they'd be easier to develop in the long run. Adding their personalities also makes it easier to help structure the friendships in the story. Because of this, it's probably obvious that there's something maybe going to happen between Red and Nathan? Hopefully you can see the friendship between Tweek and Nathan forming along quite well too. To try to keep this interesting I made sure to include a little snippet of what the murderer is currently up to, and I added a few references this chapter for you South Park fans. Not so many that your head would explode though... only a few. The whole Facebook chat thing at the end is just so the readers can tell what sort of thing Cartman is doing at home during the trip. Depending on the completion and reception of this story, I might do a few spin-off stories that depict other people's lives in the story. I could totally do one about Cartman's time at home while everyone is on the trip. I guess it just depends on whether the spin off is really wanted by the end of the story. If not, then just see the Facebook chat as Cartman's way of trying to screw with the new kid ahaha. **

** Disclaimer; South Park is still owned by Trey Parker and Matt Stone... Not me. Just in case... Facebook isn't owned by me either. Just putting that out there.**

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-


	11. Costumes & Buddies

**Chapter Ten**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Finally!", a very tired Al Gore huffed as he tried to catch his breath. He had done no real strenuous work that involved him exercising or anything. He had just been sat in his hired room using various glues and paperclips to hold some furry brown pieces of fabric together. But of course, he was once a very popular man. Being so popular meant it was totally acceptible to act like you had just run a marathon or something else that deemed appraisial when all he had done was about 30 minutes of... whatever people would call what he was doing. He smiled as he took a step back from his masterpiece, his eyes glazing over slightly in amazement. "This is actually going to work", he mumbled in appreciation to himself. He couldn't really believe that his plan was finally coming together. With one last proud smirk he opened his room's wardrobe and pulled out a coat hanger. With as much grace as Al Gore could possible use, he hooked his brand new ManBearPig costume on to the coat hanger and put it away. If people weren't going to hunt for the monster because they didn't believe in it... then Al Gore would make sure they did believe in it.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Okay children. I need you all to find your travel buddy and hold their hand", Mr Garrison began once he had parked the bus in the camp's parking lot. The camp itself wasn't as run down or basic as I had expected it to be. Much like everyone else, I had expected the camp to be just tents circuling around a campfire. It turned out that it was actually a modern lodge-like place. Quite large in size, but not too excessive. If anything, the place looked much more like a large motel-cabin complex compared to a camp.

"That's right Mr Hat". Mr Garrison's voice bought me out of my thoughts. "Staying with your travel buddy until we're signed in at the reception is very important. That way it'll be harder for you to get lost and hurt yourselves". At the mention of the word 'hurt' Tweek 'GAH-ed' beside me. Deciding to ignore his panic, I turned towards Red who was mouthing something to me from her seat.

"Will you be my travel buddy Nay?". I smiled at the use of the nickname she had given me. She was so creative. She was just amazing, and now she had asked me to be her travel buddy. Why was my stomach so queasy all of a sudden? Maybe I shouldn't of aet that chocolate bar on the way here.

"This will be great practice for the living museum trip next week, as you will have to stay with your travel buddy all the time we're there. Isn't that right Mr Hat?".

"It sure is Mr Garrison".

"Weak dude". That was Stan, who obviously wasn't happy at the thought of having to hold someone's hand for the entirety of the museum trip planned the following week. Interestingly enough, pretty much none of the boys looked too happy about it. I guess I was the odd one out. Hopefully I'd get to hold Red's hand for the whole day. Why did the thought of that make me smile so much? The sound of Mr Garrison opening the bus doors alerted me that we were about to get off the bus.

"Okay. All of you wait outside the bus so I can take register. Once that's done you can pick your travel buddies while lock the bus door". Before Mr Garrison could even finish his sentence the bus was almost already empty. All the kids clearly desperate to be first to pick their friends to travel with. As I made my way off the bus behind Tweek, I smiled when I noticed Red waiting just outside. Before I could go to her however someone had grasped onto my arm and was pulling me in the other direction.

"What are you doing?", I questioned in a threatening tone as I tried to pry my arm from the person's grip. "St-Stan? Let me go. I don't want to be your travel buddy".

"I don't want to be your travel buddy either dickhole. I'm trying to help you". At this I ceased my attack on his hand, and followed him wordlessly while he lead us to Kyle.

"You can't be travel buddies with Red", Kyle started as Stan let go of my arm.

"What? Yes I can".

"You can't Nathan. It's for your own good", he reasoned sternly

"Look I liked her first you can't tell me that I can't sit by her!", I argued back, my voice rising slightly.

"No you don't underst-", Stan began before turning to me with a questionning look on his face "...You like her?". Oh shit. Had I said that? I didn't like her did I? I mean, I know I liked her. But I didn't like-like her did I?

"Err.. No", I spluttered. "I mean- Erm- As a friend... yeah as a friend". Kyle nodded obviously believing my lie, while Stan continued to stare at me knowingly. Luckily once Kyle spoke Stan turned his eyes away from me.

"Nathan. You can't be travel buddies with Red because she's a girl". I looked at Kyle dumbly. I was clearly missing a few details here. "Girls have cooties dumbass".

"What? What's cooties?". At my question Stan and Kyle looked at me with incredulous expressions. Obviously knowing what cooties were, was common knowledge. There you go again Nathan. Continue to embarrass yourself. You're doing a pretty good job so far.

"Seriously?". I nodded at Kyle's question, never taking my eyes off the floor. I was too mortified to look at either of them. My reaction earned a chuckle from Stan, while Kyle made no sound.

"Look", this was Stan, "Just... Just don't be travel buddies with Red. We'll explain what cooties are after". I nodded my head again and slumped away back to the rest of my classmates. Now I knew why my head was all fuzzy whenever I spoke to Red. She had cooties. They were affecting me. She was trying to infect me with them. I didn't like-like Red. Her cooties were just messing with my mind. How could I have been so stupid. Feeling a little betrayed I returned to Tweek's side and slumped my back against the bus. Tweek turned to speak but he stopped when he noticed I wasn't looking at him. I was looking past him. Staring into a face that was glaring back at me. Red must've known that I knew about her cooties because she was now looking very angry with me. Bebe, (Who was leaning on Red's shoulder), had a similar expression as she too, tried to stare me down. Maybe Bebe had cooties too. Did they give you the ability to read minds? Because how else would they know, that I knew?

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"What on Earth is that noise?", Al Gore snorted to himself as he leapt up from his bed and stood so that he could see outside of his room's window. He gawped lightly at the sight of the bright yellow school bus in the building's parking lot. How splendid, Al thought. The arrival of a school class made his plan's success rate expand. Before he would've had to wear his new costume and run through the forest until he came across some hikers or trekkers or some homeless people who had decided to reside there. Now however he could just wear his costume infront of the class of children and they'd all tell their parents. Then their parents would get worried and they'd tell the police who would finally start investigating the area to locate ManBearPig. This was perfect. He would finally catch ManBearPig once and for all. He was super cereal about this. He just needed to time it right. Bursting out in his costume now would just be a disaster. He needed to catch the class out in the forest so that they'd believe in the monster. He needed it to seem believeable, and ManBearPig rushing out of a pre-booked room, running through the reception just to scare a bunch of children didn't really seem realistic at all. Deciding he would work on his new plan later, he picked up his door key and made his way out of his room to have some breakfast.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Once the register had been done, Mr Garrison continued on explaining how to act until we were in the safety of our rooms. Surprisingly, he had left Mr Hat in the glove-compartment of the school bus. This was the first time I had seen the teacher without his puppet-counterpart, and I wouldn't be surprised if this would also be the last time.

"Okay children. I hope you have all picked your travel buddies". Keep on hopeing Mr Garrison. Keep on hopeing. "Make sure none of you get lost because I am not running after your arses. You get lost, then you get left behind". Obviously, Mr Garrison got exceptionally cranky without Mr Hat around. As Mr Garrison sighed loudly, he directed the kids to start moving towards the reception while also making his way there himself. As I joined the line infront of me, Tweek rushed up to catch me and carefully grabbed my sleeve. I first looked at his hand and then at his face. Panic was the sight I was met with.

"W-what are you -GAH- doing?".

"Walking towards the reception...".

"Y-You didn't have -ACK- a travel bu-buddy. Y-You could've got -ERG- lost or k-killed man". I rolled my eyes at this and waved my free arm towards the line infront of me.

"It's like a two minute walk... and how could I get lost, I mean. It's hard to miss a line of kids this long Tweek". He shook due to his low caffeine level, but kept his grip firmly on my sleeve. Noting this, I looked back towards his hand. "How come you're holding on to my sleeve? Shouldn't you be getting back to your travel buddy".

"I -ACK- d-didn't have one". I smiled at this. Not to be mean, but because now I felt less singled out for no one choosing me as their buddy.

"So that means I'm stuck with you huh?", I sneered in a joking fashion. He looked offended at first, but once he had realised I was joking he laughed lightly and began dragging me towards the reception. Once all of us had entered the reception Mr Garrison tiredly rang the bell on the receptionists desk and waited for her to shuffle in to her seat.

"Hello sir. Sorry for keeping you waiting. How can I help you?". Mr Garrison gestured towards the children as if making it very obvious why he was actually here. She blushed slightly and began typing away furiously on her computer database. "Mr Garrison is it?". He nodded in reply, a small smile playing on his wrinkled face. "That's good", she continued as she rustled through a bunch of papers on her desk. Once she had found the correct forms, she handed Mr Garrison them along with a slightly bitten pen from her pocket. "If you could just sign and date here Mr Garrison. You'll also need to supply me with the parents letters saying that the children are allowed to be here if that's okay". As he quickly finished scribbling his name on a dotted line, he pulled a thick envelope from his shirt-pocket and handed it to the woman at the desk.

"Here". With a thankful smile, she took the envelope and the forms that Mr Garrison had now finished signing.

"Was that Al Gore?", one of the students asked as she watched a man walk into a room down the hallway.

"Shut up Lola this is important", Mr Garrison snapped, causing the mentioned girl's eyes to water slightly. The receptionist's eyes went wide after hearing the teacher say this to one of his pupils.

"Okay Mr Garrison, everything seems to be in order", the receptionist began nervously, before grabbing a bunch of keys from a draw under her desk. "If you ever have any problems with your room, make sure you come back here and ask for Michelle".

"Why? Is that your name?".

"No", she smiled in an sickeningly sweet way, before getting up from her seat and heading towards the staff room behind her. As she did this, a very bored looking staff member came from the other side of the staff room and looked at the children that were crowding the reception. His eyebrows flew up his forehead faster than you could say surprised, and the look in his eyes seemed to darken slightly in self-pity. Taking a deep breath he mustered up something similar to a smile and nodded his head towards the corridor.

"If you'll follow me to your rooms...", he started before his words dampened into mumbling. Mr Garrison nodded and directed with his hands for the children to follow the man.

"Go ahead children, I'll be right there", he said comfortingly before heading out of the reception and back to the bus. He was either going to release Mr Hat from his glove-box prison, or to bring in his luggage. We were only staying for two days, so everyone had only really bought some pyjama's and fresh underwear in their bags, but Mr Garrison had bought enough luggage to easily last a week. The plan was to get settled in and do some team building activities today. Then we'd sleep the night, and spend tomorrow doing some more activites to do with getting along and using less profanities before travelling home on the night. I was pulled from my thought when Tweek tugged me to hurry up. We had made it to the reception but none of us had dared let go of our travel buddies. Mainly because we were scared of being shouted at by the incredibly moody Mr Garrison. If Mr Hat helped calm him down, then I prayed desperately for it to be Mr Hat that Mr Garrison had gone to retrieve.

"H-Hurry Up! Oh Jesus!", Tweek ordered with another tight tug on my sleeve. Despite being affectively told what to do by the dramatic coffeeholic infront of me, I laughed and did as he commanded. Once I had started walking, Tweek had quietened down and was making sure that his eyes remained on the staff member who was leading us to our rooms. Smirking, I guessed that Tweek was trying his hardest to not get lost and decided that in comparision I would look around and take in the surroundings. Despite the fact that the place was going to be home for today and tomorrow, it wasn't very homely at all. The walls were painted in a creamy brown colour and was sparsely decorated with paintings of boring things. Boats and geometric shapes for example. Why would people buy these paintings? Maybe I just don't understand because I'm 10. I need to be an adult to understand stuff like that. Did I need to be an adult to understand Red? I mean, if all girls have cooties then doesn't that mean mom has cooties? If mom has cooties how come dad doesn't care? What if dad doesn't even know about mom having them? Nah. My dad knows everything, so I bet he'd know if mom had any. If he knew then why would he still be with her though? It was times like this where I wished I was an adult already. I just hate not understanding something.

"Okay children I'm back", came Mr Garrison's raspy voice. He had Mr Hat tucked into his shirt pocket and was busily heaving a suitcase along the floor. The man who had been leading us to our room had somehow disappeared during my thoughts. Mr Garrison took a final deep breath before looking at the keys in his free hand.

"Okay", he gasped. What the hell was so heavy in his suitcase? As if to demonstrate how heavy his suitcase was, it fell loose from his hand and hit the corridor floor with a bang.

"Ow. Oh Jesus!". I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that Tweek was the one that had said that, seeing as Oh Jesus was one of his catchphrases... but I can assure you that, that 'Oh Jesus' came from the suitcase. What the hell was Mr Garrison up to? Realising that his class were now looking at his suitcase intently, he rubbed his forehead nervously and quickly threw all the room keys except for one onto the floor.

"Sort yourselves out", he dismissed hurriedly while dragging his talking luggage into the room he had obviously deemed as his own. While the rest of the class were busy still staring at the luggage, I acted quickly and picked up one of the door keys. As soon as I had picked one up, the rest of my classmate suddenly realised how smart I had been and lunged for the four other keys. I made my way to the room I had earned, making sure to not even look at Red when she stared at me when I passed her. Leaving the ensuing battle, I opened the door and rushed inside to pick a bed for myself. The room had four beds, so it looked like I'd be bunking with three other people.

"This one's mine fella's", Butters exclaimed as he jumped on one of the beds. I looked at him increduously before rushing to another bed to make sure I actually had somewhere to sleep tonight. As I landed on the bed I heard Tweek's voice stutter about owning a third bed in the room. I closed my eyes in satisfaction once I felt how comfortable the bed actually was. I was going to have a good night sleep. I kept my eyes closed and awaited a fourth voice to say that they now had the final bed in the room. I had almost gave up waiting when the fourth voice made it's appearance. It was Craig's... and boy did his voice sound unhappy. Maybe he didn't want to be stuck in a room with us three. But to be quite honest I would've probably prefered it if he weren't in the room either. It was only for tonight though, so I could easily put up with the entire situation.

'Bzz'

Opening my eyes I fished through my pocket and brought my phone into view.

_-Hello Nathan. You have 0 friend requests, 1 notifications and 0 new messages.-_

Clicking on the notification button I was met with Token's latest status; '_At __Stark Forest Appreciation Camp__ for the weekend. Going to be a great laugh! - __With Clyde Donovan and 13 others'_. The status had already gotten a couple likes, so deciding to follow the crowd I liked it myself before placing my phone back into my pocket and sprawling myself over the bed I was on. Butters giggled at my action while Tweek stared cluelessly. Craig was too busy sulkingly failing to open up his bag. This was the most emotional I had seen him. Normally he was basically devoid of emotion all together, being stuck with Butters, Tweek and I as roommates was probably a really big deal for him. Getting up from my position I walked towards Craig and sat on his bed so that I could better see why opening his bag was taking so long. However he completely stopped messing with his bag when I came over and was instead staring at me. His frown decreased slightly, as if it were an attempt to hide what he was feeling but it didn't cover it up entirely.

"You're sitting on my bed", he stated monotonously. I chuckled much like he had done to me on the bus before I smirked at him in a hopefully friendly fashion.

"Do you need help with your bag Craig?". He continued to stare at me before returning to fiddle with his bag.

"You're sitting on my bed", he repeated a second time. A bit more animousity in his voice. At the change of his tone Tweek did his trademark 'GAH' from across the room.

"I thought you said we were friends", I whispered to Craig nervously. Maybe I was right. Maybe he was just lying on the bus.

"Yeah... we are". He mumbled in a non-chalant way. Craig had a very funny way of showing friendship indeed.

"Fr-Friends help each other Craig. I'll help with your bag if you wa-"

"I don't need help". Noting that this was getting no where I got up from his bed and went back to my bed so that I could grab some money from my bag. He flipped me off once I had got my back to him. He had obviously thought I wouldn't notice, but I could easily see him do it from the corner of my eye. Deciding to remain cool, mainly for my own health, I collected some of my money and turned to Tweek. He looked at me curiously.

"W-What?".

"I promised you a coffee dude".

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-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**CHAPTER ****TEN****! Finally we're at the Appreciation Camp at last. I've managed to stick to the plot I've had all along while adding quite a few references and the such. The buddy-idea is from the same episode as the whole Living Museum episode which I spoke about in a previous chapter. So I legitimately do have a reason to involve the Museum in this chapter because I'm going to set this story there soon. I just really want to tell you guys the entire plot right now because I want to know what you guys think of it... But I can't do that, because I'd ruin the story. #FirstWorldProblems ahaha. **

** I can tell you that the whole 'cooties' thing has no real affect on the main plot as of yet. It's mainly there as a sort of hitch in the romantic side of the story, but if I find a way, I could try and work it into the main plot. I'm not sure how I would, but I could try. Depends how I feel about things ahah. The inclusion of Facebook all of a sudden is because of the Stick Of Truth game. [GET IT]. It's just warped my fragile little mind. But nah, I just thought I'd mention why I'm using social networking all of a sudden in this story, because some of you might not of realised why I was. **

** BTW expect some more Stick Of Truth references soon too, (and therefore ****spoilers****). I'm truly fighting myself over including the character 'Douchebag' in this story. Not as anything too important, but basically as a secondary character or something? I don't know. I'm planning to delve into the whole RPG thing after the camp part as a sort of mini-plot, but I'm not sure how far to delve in. Let me know what you guys think about that idea. If you could also let me know whether I'm writing the real characters 'In Character' because that would be a large help. I think I'm doing an okay job, but it's kind of hard to do so, because some of the characters are hardly developed on the show anymore.**

**Also... Before I end off this gigantic author's note-thing, I want to thank '****IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch****' for his review. I'm glad you're enjoying it dude! It's people like you that help me stay motivated so thanks a bunch! A Cartman spinoff isn't out of the question, but I don't think I'm going to write that until I've finished the main story. It's just easier for me that way. Thanks for letting me know you'd be interested in it though! Means alot! :)**

**Disclaimer; For the tenth time; South Park is not owned by me! **

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	12. Teacher-Spies & Cootie-Lies

**Chapter Eleven**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Al Gore dug his fork into a slice of bacon before dragging it through a generous pile of barbecue flavoured baked beans that had been plopped on his plate. He sighed happily as the smell of his breakfast rushed up his nose. Deciding that this particular forkful needed some pepper to fully present it's deliciousness he grabbed for the condoment which was stood on the table infront of him.

"What do I have to ask for?", a red headed boy asked as Al bought the forkful to his mouth. As he began chewing a second boy with wild blonde hair entered the room. His eyes skitted from person to person, even making contact with Al himself for a few miniseconds.

"C-Coffee". The ginger rolled his eyes at the reply and looked at his friend expectantly.

"I know that dipshit. I mean... what type is there?". With this the blonde lunged forward, grabbing onto the sleeve of the red head and pulling him along to the counter to inspect what Al could only guess, was the drinks-menu. After a few seconds the blonde let go of his friend and pointed to a word on the menu. Understanding this, the red head turned to the woman who was now maintaining the counter.

"Er... I'll have a large... Cappi- Cappu...". The woman smirked at the mispronunciation of the word cappuccino, but waited for the boy to get it right. "Cappuckeeno?". At the failed attempt, the woman snickered quietly behind her breath while the blonde boy was nervously standing behind the red-head.

"I think you mean the cappuccino there lad", she mused in a slightly texan accent. The ginger's face blushed crimson as he nodded frantically. His nodding was cut short however when the blonde pinched his arm lightly.

"Y-you -ACK- forgot to say V-Venti". At this, the ginger looked at his friend cluelessly, while the woman at the counter laughed again.

"What is a Venti?". The question was only answered with a unbelieving stare. "Is it the cream stuff that goes on top?", he guessed bashfully as he looked around the room as if to not feel so embarrased.

"It means large ya' see", the woman at the counter answered, as if to come to the kid's rescue. An almost unaudible 'Oh' came from the boy's mouth while the blonde chuckled jitterly beside him. "Take a seat lads", she ordered in a friendly tone. "Ya coffee will be done in a tick". With this, she turned on the spot and headed towards a machine that obviously helped create various types of assorted coffee. Finishing his last mouthful, Al Gore stood up from his table and picked up his coat.

"Excuse me boys. If you need a table you can take mine. I'm like super cereal". Al's offer received a nervous squeak from the blonde while the red head made his way towards the table, his calculating eyes never moving from Al's face. As soon as he sat down, the blonde nervously rushed to sit next to his friend.

"Thanks", the ginger smiled as he took his eyes off Al for the first time so that he could inspect the table.

"No problem future Al Gorian".

"Excuse me?".

"What room are you staying in boys?", Al Gore asked as he finished buttoning up his coat. He needed to find out what rooms the children were staying in, so that he could dress up as ManBearPig and be seen from their windows. It was vital that he got noticed by the children so that his plan would work. If he wasn't spotted by the kids, then his plan was most likely going to fail.

"A-are you -GAH- a pae-paedophile?", the blonde asked loudly as he grasped on to the chair he was sat on nervously. The question made a few people stare in Al's direction cautiously before reluctantly turning back to their breakfasts. It was then that Al realised that he had to be a lot more careful with the things he asked. As he bought his mind back into focus he noticed the two kids near him looking at him. One with panicked-curiousity, and the other with accusing-disgust.

"Well of course not. I'm Al Gore!", he stated proudly.

"Who?". Al looked at the red head in disbelief.

"Al Gore. The Ex Vice President of America. Where have you been kid?".

"O-oh... Sorry. I'm not from around here", he explained quickly. His accusing glare turning to embarrassment in the matter of seconds.

"It's very important you tell me the rooms your class is staying in. It's very important boys".

"I- I'm uncomfortable. Oh Jesus!". The red head nodded in agreement. Al was quickly growing impatient. He needed to think of an excuse fast so that he could atleast get some sort of answer from the fourth graders infront of him.

"You see boys. I'm on the hunt for a super secret spy". Al smirked, realising his lie had gotten the attention of the two boys. He thought he'd make up a lie that he had some knowledge about. Being the ex vice-president meant that Al had met various spies in his time. It would be easy for him to turn his real life experiences into a lie that would benefit him in the long run. It just seemed like a perfect idea for Al. Anyone else would've chosen to use a more believable story... but anyone else wasn't Al Gore. "I have intel that has told me that your teacher is actually that spy".

"Mr Garrison?", the red head gasped in surprise. Al Gore smiled but decided that he had to play along for his plan to work.

"Shhh. He could be listening to us at this very moment".

"Oh God! That's W-Way Too Much Pressure". Al looked at the blonde carefully before turning back to talk to the both of them.

"Yes. This is why I need your guys help. All you have to do, is tell me the rooms your class are in. Once you've done this, I'll be able to get that spy once and for all!". His story of lies had truly excited the kids who were now smiling at being placed in the situation.

"Rooms 22 to 27", the ginger answered while the blonde nodded his head rapidly. Al smiled before ruffling his hand through the blonde's hair.

"Thanks boys", he said before turning to head towards the door of the cafeteria. "I'll make sure to inform my men about your good deeds. I hope I'll find you two Al Gorian's in the secret service in the future", he laughed more to himself than to the boys.

"Y-you bet! -ACK-". The blonde said as Al finally left the room.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Can you believe it Tweek!? Mr Garrison was a spy all along! This is unbelieveable", I exclaimed hushedly to my friend who was quietly slurping up his coffee. Ever since the woman at the counter had took my money and gave Tweek his coffee, he had completely changed personalities. He was still friendly and all that stuff, but his twitching and panicking seemed to subside. Not entirely, but the rate at which one of his spasms would happened had decreased greatly. Tweek was as surprised and excited as I was, but the coffee seemed to have subdued him quite drastically. I wasn't complaining though. It was nice for him to not be jumpy or over-active all the time.

"N-no I can't", he mumbled between sips of his drink. I smiled at his simple reply before coming to my senses and pulling on his arm to stop him from continuing down to our room. He looked at me curiously as I pointed towards a door on our right. It was Mr Garrison's. We had to be careful. If Mr Garrison found out that we knew he was a spy he would probably put us on the FBI's top wanted or something. Tweek seemed to partly understand what I meant, and answered me with a small twitch.

"Oh Jesus Christ!", a high pitch voice moaned from the other side of the door. That was the same voice that had come from Mr Garrison's suitcase earlier today.

"That's right. You take your punishment Mr Slave!", followed Mr Garrison's shuddered loud voice. Tweek looked at me with wide eyes before grabbing onto my arm and rushing us to the room Tweek, Craig, Butters and I had to share.

"H-he's torturing -EEK- s-someone!", he explained in a panic.

"Yeah! He must be on a spy mission!", I replied ecstatically. "That's so cool!".

"Shut up for a second", Craig ordered from the other side of the room. He seemed to be in a less emotional mood, but was still being as big an arsehole as usual. Of course I'd never say this out loud. Tweek twitched lightly at his reply but made his way over to his bed, his coffee decreasing slightly with every sip he took. Looking back at Craig, I noticed that he was sprawled on the floor next to Token and Clyde. They seemed to be playing some form of Card game, and I couldn't help but be nosey and make my way over to watch them.

"You're not playing", Clyde stated simply without ever taking his eyes from his cards. At this, Token rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Don't be a dick Clyde".

"Screw you Token".

"Come on, that's a bit har-".

"Fags".

"I swear to God, if you call us that once more Craig I wil-".

"Fags".

"That's it, I'm going. You coming Token?".

"Yeah sure". The African-American picked up Clyde's discarded cards, before handing them, (and his own), to Craig. Craig however made no move to pick up the cards and instead purposely threw his cards on the floor as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed.

"You're a douche Craig". Craig replied to Token's insult by giving him the finger. Once Token had seen this Craig then directed his hand to Clyde, who in return, stormed out of the room, heading back to his own. Once Token had picked up all the cards and had sauntered out of the room himself, Craig lowered his finger and stared at me. Once I noticed his eyes upon me, I blushed in embarrassment and couldn't help but begin apologising.

"I-I'm sorry. I o-only wanted to w-watch. I- I didn't w-want y-you guys to fall out". Before I had fully finished my apology, Craig had stopped listening and was leaning back on his bed, his head laying heavily on his pillow.

"Don't worry", he asked more then commanded. I looked up at him increduously but decided it would be better if I didn't argue with him. He had been the one who had given me my black eye after all. Talking of which, my black eye had died down now. It was still slightly purple in areas, but atleast it wasn't swollen. It was nice having my eyesight back to 100%, and there was no way I was going to argue with Craig and end up with it being swollen again. Noticing I wasn't going to reply, he turned his head towards me to project his nasally voice more clearly. "I was bored of blackjack anyway. Clyde cheats". He snickered quietly at this, but stopped when he realised I hadn't joined him in laughing. "I said don't worry". This time it was more of a command then a suggestion. "We can't be friends if you're scared of me".

"I- Er- I'm not scared of you", I lied, fully hoping that my facade was believable enough.

"Yeah. Sure", he mumbled as he leaned his arm over his eyes so that he could try to get some shut eye before activities started. I looked at him curiously before turning to head towards my own bed. "Your phone has gone off a couple of times by the way", he quickly added after realising I had left his side.

"Oh. Thanks", I replied as I jumped on my bed and snatched my phone from my desk. As I waited for the Facebook app to load I looked at Tweek who was too busy staring into his coffee to notice me looking at him. With a covered chuckle I turned to look towards Butter's bed only to realise he wasn't even in the room. He had probably gone to someone else's room seeing as he would've only had Craig to talk too.

_-Hello Nathan, you have 2 new friend requests, 1 new message and 0 new notifications-_

Deciding to do this as quick as possible I loaded the friend requests first.

_-2 Friend Requests; Stan Marsh, Rebecca Rederford-_

I accepted Stan's friend request first, before re-reading the second name. I had thought that I already had Red on Facebook. I was pretty sure that I definitely already had accepted her friend request. In fact I actually remember doing so. Had she deleted me? Why would she have deleted me? Then again, why would she have re-added me? God girls confused me. One of my old teachers back in England had said it was sexist to say that all girls are smarter than boys... but it was true. Girls said stuff and did things that no boy could ever understand. It's like they had their own language. Their own unique way of living. I didn't want to be sexist but damn, if girls weren't smarter than boys then what the hell were they? Maybe they were just more confusing? I don't know. I'm 10, how the hell am I meant to know?

"What do you mean a spy?". Hearing Craig's voice, I looked up from my phone and noticed that he and Tweek were now deeply in discussion over Mr Garrison's secret second life. Deciding I would join them soon, I accepted Red's friend request and then clicked onto the message I had received.

_-Heidi Turner; Hello xxxxx *winkyface* *Heart*_

_-Heidi Turner; I mean ;) 3 xxxxxxx_

Continuing to look at the messages in confusion, I began to type my reply while walking towards Tweek and Craig.

_-Nathan Greylin; Hello?_

"Hey guys?", I began as I sat next to Tweek. Both he and Craig stopped their conversation before turning to look at me. I didn't know what to say to either of them so instead I just handed them my phone so that they could read the conversation. Tweek just gawped at the conversation, while Craig began to formulate a reply.

"That's not Heidi".

"What?".

"That's not Heidi". He repeated before handing me my phone back. Tweek looked just as confused as I did.

"What do you mean?".

"I mean that, that is not Heidi". He sighed when he realised me and Tweek had no idea what he was getting at. "Someone is on Heidi's account I think. The girls are probably testing you or something".

"W-What?", Tweek spluttered as he gulped down the remnants of his cappuccino. Once he felt the emptiness of his cup, his eye's widened slightly but he managed to 'somewhat' maintain his composure.

"A test you freak", Craig spat as he noticed Tweek's twitching begin to come back full force. The hurt of being called a freak displayed itself on Tweek's face, and the look of pain in his eyes intensified for a second.

"Don't call him that", I spat back testily, as I angrily scrolled on my phone so that the message would refresh. Tweek smiled lightly at the fact that someone was on his side for a change, but his smile faded when he noticed Craig's eyes on him.

"He is a frea-".

"I said don't call him that you dick". As my phone finished refreshing, I suddenly realised what I had just called Craig. Nervously I looked up from my phone so that I could see his face. Where I was expecting a fist of some sort, was instead a small smirk.

"You're a better friend when you aren't a pussy all the time", he commented with his small smirk in place. I stared at him, unsure on whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. "But yeah, the girls are probably testing you".

"What do you mean?".

"I'm not sure exactly. But my sister does stuff like this all the time". I nodded, slightly distraught at the fact that Craig had a sister. I had only just found out about her, but already I felt so much sorrow for her having to live with her brother.

_-Heidi Turner; Hey hotshot. Want to meet up for some sugar? xxxxx_

What the fuck did that mean?

_-Nathan Greylin; What?_

_-Heidi Turner; Chef always tells me and my friends that's how he get's dates._

_-Heidi Turner; xxxx_

_-Nathan Greylin; So by sugar you mean like tea and stuff?_

_-Heidi Turner; I think that's what it means. So yes, do you want to meet up for tea? xxxx_

All the while Tweek and Craig were peering over my shoulder. Tweek nodding slightly, probably at the aspect of being able to go to the cafeteria with me so that he could buy himself another coffee and rush off back to the room. Craig on the other hand was shaking his head from side to side.

"It's a trap". I looked at him waiting for some advice.

"What do I say then?", I asked myself more than the two other people sat beside me. Before either could reply a muffled scream was heard from one of the rooms across the hall.

"Maybe Mr Garrison is done torturing his prisoner", Craig joked sarcastically. Again, Tweek nodded frantically.

"That didn't sound like the prisoner though", I mumbled while looking at the message on my phone again. Normally, I would've been thankful for such a distraction, but now I was truly nervous about the whole girls testing me thing.

"Y-Your -ACK- right man", Tweek agreed with a fairly aggressive twitch. "Oh Jesus! It's the -ERK- gnomes again!". I turned my head to look at the blonde in confusion. Craig had done pretty much the same thing as me, and was now judging the blonde with his eyes. To spare Tweek from any more embarrassment I decided to bring Craig's thought's back to the topic at hand.

"What should I put back?".

"Put no".

"What? Why?".

"It's the girls. I wouldn't trust them if I were you".

"I don't. But I can't just say no. What if Heidi hates me for it".

"Well that's okay. She's only a girl". At this I glared at Craig accusingly. He shrugged in reply. "I thought you were with Red anyway. What does it matter if Heidi hat-".

"What? I'm not with Red", I spat in surprise.

"Oh did you two break up? Sorry dude". Even though he was apologising, he didn't really do it in a tone that seemed apologetic. It didn't matter none-the-less as we hadn't broken up anyway. We weren't even together in the first place.

"We didn't break up".

"...so you're still together?".

"No! We were never together!". At this Craig looked at me in confusion before his face snapped back to being neutral.

"Oh. It's just that Bebe told us on the bus that you two were boyfriend and girlfriend".

"What!? That fu-".

"Red told us you two weren't together straight away. None of us really believed her though", Craig butted in as if to cover up the profanity that I was close to using. Realising that Red had denied it straight away made me upset for some reason. I had no idea why.

"You like her", Craig suddenly gasped out loud as he pointed towards me.

"W-What? N-No. Of course I don-".

"Don't worry dude. I'm not one of those douches that think girls are yucky. I have a girlfriend of my own". At hearing this, I now suddenly felt bad for not only his sister... but the girl who had been unlucky enough to become Craig's girlfriend. It was nice however to know someone else who didn't think girls were yucky. "Why don't you ask her out?". Wait. Didn't he know?

"Girls have cooties Craig". At my sentence he looked at me strangely.

"What?".

"Girls... They have cooties. Kyle and Stan told me". The look of strangeness on his face finally made sense to me. He was laughing. This was Craig. Actually showing emotion for the first time that I had known him. No wonder happiness looked so strange on his face. Wait. Why would he be laughing?

"Cooties", he gasped through tears of laughter. "Cooties aren't real".

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter ****11****... Well. Two factions of the story have finally met up. I wasn't really sure how to have them interact so I hope that this was okay. I also hope that the gullibleness of the kids is believeable and not too far fetched. I needed them to be gullible for this part of the story to work. Also, the moaning behind Mr Garrison's door... Yes... let's just pretend that he indeed is a spy. HEY! I know what you're thinking! But this IS a South Park fan fiction, so in true South Park fashion I had to add some dirty details. Same thing with the 'sugar' tip by Chef. Don't judge me! **

** On a second note, this chapter helps evolve the romantic side of the story a little bit more than the main plot. Don't worry, I won't make it all soppy just yet, (purely because I'm not a soppy type of writer), but it's just nice to delve between the two plots every few chapters. It just add's a sense of freedom when it comes to writing. I know that probably makes no sense at all.**

** As I mentioned a couple chapters back, I am planning to possibly write a ****collection of one-off spin-offs**** based on this story once it's complete. This chapter has a very good possibility of having a '****Girls P.O.V****'. I've actually sculptured some of this chapter so that a spin-off chapter would work for it. If you guys would like to see this spin-off chapter than make sure you let me know because I won't know whether to write it, if you guys don't tell me whether you want it. **

** Thanks to Cortez30 for the reviews. I didn't actually notice your first review back from chapter 9 so sorry about that! I agree that the Al Gore parts can become a bit tedious, but without giving too much away he won't be in the story for much longer I don't think. Hopefully that pleases you ahah! & The 'cock blocking assholes' review made me crease! Claps for you, my friend ahah!**

**Disclaimer; South Park IS actually my property... In my head that is... **

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	13. You Didn't Buy Me Sugar

**Chapter Twelve**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_-Nathan Greylin; Yeah okay_

"What are you doing!", Craig stared at me after reading what I had sent back to Heidi. "You're going to mess things up with Red if you go through with that".

"There isn't anything to mess up".

_-Heidi Turner; Meet me in 10 xxxx_

I looked at the message and smiled half-heartedly. Why had I actually agreed to do this? I wasn't so sure anymore. I know it was mainly because I didn't want Heidi to hate me if I said no, but what if Craig was right. Were the girls really testing me? Plus, if cooties actually didn't exist, then of course there was still a slight chance I could be friends with Red. Stan and Kyle seemed so persistant and honest when they told me that the disease existed but then again Craig was too non-chalant to lie about... well... anything. He just told the truth a hundred percent of the time, because he truly didn't care what reaction people would give him for being as brutally honest as he was. As if to show how non-chalant he was, he responded to my earlier statement by shrugging lazily and sauntering back to his bed.

"W-why don't you come with me?", I asked excitedly once the idea of not going alone worked it's way into my head. I didn't receive a vocal answer in return though. Instead I just received a shake of his head as he went to lay back down on his bed.

"I- I'll -ACK- come", Tweek stuttered as he leant over to pick up his bag. Realising that he was looking for his money I laughed lightly.

"Okay then Tweek. Thanks for being a 'real' friend", I commented. Fully making sure to emphasise the word real.

"Not gonna' work", Craig's nasally voice sounded as he presented us both with his middle finger. Chuckling I turned my head to Tweek once I heard him zip up his bag.

"L-Let's -ERK- go man". I nodded in agreement as we got on to our feet and made our way to the door of our room. Before either of us could leave however, a flash of short blonde hair and skin rushed past us and jumped onto a bed. Butters bed. It was Butters... and he seemed to be emitting some sobbing-like sound.

"Forget this", Craig sighed as he gestured towards the crying blonde in the room. His snide comment went unheard by Butters who was pushing his face into his pillow. I stood awkwardly in the door way while Tweek made his way over to him.

"Wh-what's -ERG- wrong?". Butters paused crying for a second before turning his head to Tweek.

"T-The girls. They kid- kidna-". This was all Butters could say before his sobbing continued. Tweek stared at him before turning to me.

"We sh-should sta -ACK- stay here".

"What? I- I can't. If I stand Heidi up then she'll hate me". Tweek looked at me in disbelief.

"Y-You heard Butters. The girls a-are -UGH- up to something man!". Craig who had been quiet since his gesture to Butters, stood up from his bed and began marching towards me. I didn't have time to react when he grabbed onto my arm and began pulling me out of the room.

"W-What are you doing?". Craig ignored me, meaning I went on not knowing what Craig had in mind until he dragged us back into the cafeteria and shoved me into one of the seats at a table for four, before taking the chair beside me for himself. "Well you've changed your tune", I spoke as I noticed that he of all people had joined me in the cafeteria, even though he had declined the offer to come here with me no less than five minutes ago. Again he raised his middle finger, but actually added an explanation to go along with it.

"I'd pick going to some girly thing over listening to Butters cry non stop any day". I nodded, partly agreeing with him. On the other hand, I also would've liked to know what had happened to Butters. If the girls had reduced him to tears then maybe this was all a big scam. There was no way I was going to let a bunch of girls make me cry though. I may be a pussy, but no way I'm letting that happen. I need to have atleast some form of dignity. I lay back on my chair, letting out a loud yawn. Craig seemed to be replicating my boredom as he had resigned to fiddiling with his chullo-hat for at least some form of entertainment.

"Hey Nathan", came Heidi's failed attempt at trying to be flirty. She had covered herself in some terrible makeup, that made her look very much like a panda. The almost silent sound of Craig's laughing brought her attention to him. "H-how come he's here?", she asked more in a form of relief, rather than betrayal. Craig noticed how relieved she was that he was here, so he made sure to be a total arsehole and made his way out of the cafeteria. Once he had left, Heidi sat down opposite me uneasily.

"Hey", she began.

"Uh hi".

"So...". We sat there in an awkward silence for what felt like hours, until I finally cracked and just asked her what was on my mind.

"Did Red put you up to this?". At the mention of her friend's name, Heidi smiled slightly, but then frowned at me for the accusation.

"No!". She looked around the cafeteria to make sure no one was listening before she leant in closer to me and began speaking in a hushed tone. "Wendy wanted to know if you were good enough".

"Good enough for what?", I asked as I tapped my fingers on the table impatiently.

"For Red silly". My face grew crimson to her delight and she smiled as she made her way up from her seat. "You are".

"I- I'm what?".

"Good enough for Red. You didn't buy me any 'sugar'... whatever that means. That shows you're loyal". I smiled and rose from seat too. We then began walking back to our rooms.

"Heidi?".

"What?"

"This is going to sound silly and rude... but do girls have cooties?". She scrunched her nose up at my question, and went to speak but I quickly cut her off so that I could explain. "No please don't take it the wrong way!". She paused with a half-smile on her face, and continued to let me finish. "It's just that Stan and Kyle told me that girls do, but Craig said they don't. I'm so confused". Her half smile turned into a full smile when she realised my honest confusion on the matter.

"Of course they don't. Craig is right".

"Why would Kyle and Stan lie to me?", I asked feeling slightly betrayed by them both.

"Those two probably still believe in cooties". She grabbed my wrist and turned me so that I was looking into her face. "Don't take any advice off those two. Stan's so confused himself, that he doesn't realise he likes Wendy".

"Oh okay... Wait. Stan like-likes Wendy?". The girl infront of me laughed.

"God you boys are all clueless. Of course he does. He just doesn't know he does". With this, she let go of my wrists and made her way to the room that I could only guess was occupied by the girls. With a quick wave she disappeared behind the door, a short parade of questions and girly squeals serenading the situation until they were silenced by the door shutting. With a roll of my eyes, I entered my room and made my way to my bed so that I could get try and sneak a nap before the activities started later on.

"C-Come with me to the -ACK- c-cafeteria?".

I guess I wasn't going to get my nap after all. Tweek was obviously trying to make sure of that.

"Ngh. Go with Butters", I mumbled through my pillow. "I'm ngh tired".

"That's way t-too much pres-". Before he could fully utter the final word, his face collided with the pillow I had just semi-playfully chucked at him. This action earned a snicker from Craig who busy throwing scrunched up pieces of paper at the now-sleeping Butters. Tweek glared at me jokingly before sitting on the side of my bed as if to make it clear he wasn't moving until I agreed to go to the cafeteria with him so that he could buy himself another coffee beverage. Craig noticed this and snickered some more. Deciding to mimic said boy, I raised my middle finger first to Craig, and then to Tweek. "C-C'mon man!".

"Take Craig". Tweek looked hopefully at Craig who was currently returning the middle finger gesture to me.

"Don't even think about it". At being denied, Tweek turned back to me with his best puppy-dog-eyes on show.

"No".

"Please!", he slurred in a panic-stricken sort of way.

"I've just came from there! Go on your own or something".

"W-what!? N-no way man! What if I -ERK- get lost a-and ki-killed". I jokingly growled in an animalistic fashion. My reaction caused Tweek to 'GAH!', but he made sure not to move from the side of my bed. Sensing this I lifted my leg slightly and began to lightly push him from his position on the edge of my bed. He finally gave up and moved towards Craig. A muttered 'Come to the cafeteria with me?', was heard. Followed straight after by a quick 'Shove off dipfuck'.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Al made his way to the reception. He had all day to waste, seeing as he wouldn't be able to begin his ManBearPig plan just yet. So, what would be better than just booking to use one of the computers to surf the internet and pass the time away. As he rang the bell for assistance the maid that he had previously met made her way to the counter, before reddening when she noticed who had rang the bell.

"Oh... er... Mr Gore". He smiled at her for remembering his name. "How can I help you?".

"I'd like to book a computer please. Only for the next couple hours or so". The maid nodded before running into the staff room and pulling out a second staff member. Al guessed that this new woman was the 'Michelle' that he had spoken to on the phone when had first booked a room.

"Hello sir. I'm Michelle. How can I help you today".

"He wants to book a computer but I can't access the database". Michelle nodded before motioning for the maid to head back to the staff room. Once she had gone, Michelle sat at the desk and began typing away on the computer.

"Okay sir", she began as she rubbed her earlobe in concentration. Her brunette hair was tied back in a tight bun, and her lipstick was smothered quite generously on, (and around), her lips. "I'm afraid that all of the computers have been booked for practically... the rest of the day. Starting in about half an hour infact. They're next available tomor-".

"But I'm Al Gore". The receptionist looked at Al with disgust for cutting her off before putting her face back into a clearly-false smile.

"That's very interesting Mr Gore, but I'm afraid I can't do nothing about this".

"I need a computer. I'm being super cereal". With a tired frown Michelle rubbed her eyes.

"Look. A school group have successfully booked to use the computers today. If you want, you can talk to the teacher and ask him for the computer privelledges". Al's nostrils flared slightly, but he made sure not to get too annoyed with the woman infront of him. It wasn't her fault after all. Al Gore nodded tiredly but made sure to check whether the other things were free so that he wouldn't have to spend the entirety of the day just lazing around in his room.

"What about the nature-walk? Can I just use that or do I have to wait for some snotty nosed children", he asked testily. The receptionist glared at him before typing on her computer to find out more information.

"Well Mr Gore, our next nature-walk is tomorrow. However, the school has also booked to go on that exact walk. You can join them if you wish. But I bet you wouldn't want to be around 'some snotty nosed children'". She spoke the last four words in a fashion that showed Al Gore she was taking the mick out of him. He ignored this however. She had just provided him with a perfect time for his ManBearPig plan to go underway. All he had to do was carry his costume in a bag. Once they had gone far enough into the forest, he would find a place to get dressed, and then scare the kids and maybe even the teacher! This was all playing out into his hands! He nodded frantically once he noticed Michelle still awaiting an answer.

"Yes! That would be brilliant!". She joined him in nodding, but hers was in a more patronising way. Never-the-less he ignored her as he smiled all the way back to his room.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Okay children. Now in teams I want you to create a poster on the computer based on everything you have learnt this lesson", Mr Garrison explained in a low drawl. He had lost Mr Hat during his 'spy mission' in which he punished a 'Mr Slave'. But that was the life of a spy. I guessed you had to suffer casulties sooner or later.

"Can we pick our own teams?", Bebe asked as she swiveled around on her chair.

"Hell no", he spat, more to insult Bebe's pride than to anything else. "Bebe, Clyde, Dogpoo, Pip, Stan, Timmy and Tweek, you are Team A".

"Timmeh!".

"Yes Timmy", Mr Garrison mused with an enthusiatic roll of his eyes. "Lola, Annie, Kyle, Nathan, Pete, Token and Red, you can be Team Two". Realising that Red would be in my team made me nervous but happy at the same time. What if she was still in a mood with me? "Finally. Heidi, Wendy, Jimmy, Kenny, Butters and Craig. You make up Team Last". Wendy pulled a face at the disorganised team-names, but made no effort to correct the teacher. "You have three hours. After that you can buy yourselves something from the cafeteria and then you can make your ways up to your rooms. We've got an early morning ahead of us and I don't want no dilly dallying". With this Mr Garrison made his way out of the computer room to only God knows where.

"What are we going to do?", Pete asked as he moved his blonde fringe away from his eyes.

"Shut up cacky-pants", Lola whined as she held Annie inbetween her and Pete Melman. He looked down sadly but never-the-less made his way towards a computer and began to open up the program we needed to use to create the posters. Looking around, Team A, (As they had been dubbed), were currently making their way to another part of the room so that no one could copy their designs. Meanwhile Team Last, were busily arguing amongst themselves. It appeared that Craig was defending Butters in some way, by arguing with Wendy who was stood less then two steps infront of him. Heidi looked at me from her group with a look of helplessness. Obviously she didn't think she had landed in the best team. Laughing I turned around, and looked at Red who was busily staring at me. When she noticed me looking back at her, she turned around in a fluster and rushed towards the computer that Pete, Kyle, Token were sat around. Lola and Annie were stood behind them, making sure not to get too close to Pete in case they caught some sort of infection. Rolling my eyes at their bitchy ways I rushed after Red and grabbed her hand before she could make it all the way towards the computer. She looked at me, her face colour easily matching her hair colour.

"I'm sorry", I quickly cut in before she could speak. "T-the guys said you had cooties and I didn't know what they were. That's why I wasn't your travel-buddy". Red looked at me, with a bit of guilt upon her own face.

"I'm sorry too. Bebe told me the same thing about you. I know about cooties now... I just felt betrayed that you hadn't told me you had them. I forgive you though". I smirked at Red before taking in what she said.

"No. No. No. I don't have cooties!", I rushed flustered, my face turning to the same colour hers was. "Cooties don't exist Red!", I exclaimed loudly. She smiled cheekily in return.

"I found that out too Nay. I just said that you had them because it's just cute to see you blush". At this statement, I blushed ever more so.

"I- I'm not cute. I'm a boy. Boys aren't cute", I argued half-heartedly. Why didn't I mind that she thought I was cute? I mean. Girls are cute. Dogs are cute. Boys are not cute. Boys are meant to be tough. Not cute. But then again, I wasn't the toughest person in the world. Oh, I hate being so confused. I looked at her nervously as a sweet smile overcame her.

"Come on Nay. We need to help with the poster". Never letting go of my hand, Red and I made our way nervously towards the computer our team was sat around. Lola and Annie gave us a curious stare, while Kyle looked positively horrified. I wasn't sure what to call me and Red. I wasn't even sure what we were doing. But whatever it was... I liked it.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter Twelve; BOOM. Everything is finally sort of happy in romantic-town. FOR NOW. Come on now. You didn't think the romantic stuff would be living happily ever after already? The story isn't even half finished yet, so of course there's some more highs and lows to come. Now that I've sorted the romantic side of the story for a bit, I can really begin to advance the main story plot. The whole 'testing' thing is actually semi-based on a part of the Stick of Truth game. I won't go into too much detail however because I don't want to ruin it for you if you haven't got the game yet. [GO GET IT]. BTW if you're wondering where Mr Hat has gone... Look where you find Mr Hat in the Stick Of Truth game, and there's your answer... Yeah... So...**

** The whole Butter's crying bit would tie in with the Girls P.O.V I was talking about last chapter. If I write the collection of one-off spin-offs that is. Just had to explain that, so that you wouldn't find it random.**

** Thanks again to 'IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch' & 'cortez30' for the reviews! I guess you two aren't the biggest fans of Kyle and Stan so far, and I can totally see why ahah! Hopefully I'll be able to change your minds later on though! Thanks for reading this far too guys!**

**Disclaimer; South Park is not mine... #SadFace.**


	14. Bang Bang Blood

**Chapter Thirteen**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Okay children let's look at your tacky little posters", Mr Garrison announced as he projected Team A's poster onto a screen in the room. Bebe, Clyde, Dogpoo, Pip, Stan, Timmy and Tweek had obviously not done very much over the last three hours, as the only thing on the projection was a white screen with two bits of black Ariel font. One saying 'Swearing Is Bad', the other being placed just underneath reading 'M'kay'. Almost instantly every understood the reference, and the fact that the piece itself was basically patronising Mr Mackey who was probably sat in his office back at school saying the word 'Mkay' over and over. Even I had noticed his obsession with the word, and I hadn't even known him for a week. Mr Garrison frowned at what Team A had done. It truly couldn't be called a poster. Strangely enough it had earned a lot of appraisal from the rest of us in the class. Shaking his head at his desk, Mr Garrison then moved on to project Team Two's poster. Admittedly, Pete and Token had done most of the work. Well Token had seeing as Pete had to constantly defend himself everytime Lola or Annie threw an insult his way. I truly very sorry for the guy, but I wasn't planning on jumping in to defend him. He was a pretty alright guy, but I had only really just started making some proper friends and I wasn't prepared to lose them just yet.

"What's this?", Mr Garrison asked as he tried to look at the poster. However, all that appeared was an error of some sort before the projector screen turned bright blue and then shut off. Realising that the whole poster-making session had been a total waste of time, both 'Team Two' and 'Team Last', groaned loudly. Mr Garrison, seemingly wanting to out do us both, sighed even louder as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well that was a waste of fucking time", he mumbled under his breath before standing up from his seat. "You can all run along to the cafeteria now or whatever. Bed straight after", He added as he launched past the door of the computer room into the hallway. Dejectedly we all got up and began sauntering towards the cafeteria. The only difference between everyone else and I, was the fact that Red was still holding firmly on my hand. That made me smile. It also made Kyle look quite disturbed. Stan shared the same disturbed expression until he looked at Wendy thoughtfully. He was shaken from his thoughts however when he noticed Kyle, Kenny and Jimmy had begun to leave him in favour of the cafeteria.

"What ha-have we got to -ACK- do tomorrow?", Tweek asked noisily from behind. His 'GAH' making me jump slightly. Me and Red waited for him to catch us up, only to met with not only Tweek. But Heidi also. She smiled at me, before moving to stand by Red's side.

"I don't really know Tweeker", Red almost sang as we all began to walk towards the cafeteria. It kind of saddened me to know that she'd given Tweek a nickname of his own. But by now Tweek was probably my best friend so I didn't mind too much. Tweek nodded uncomfortably at the nickname before rushing off to the counter to order what I could only guess to be a coffee. He was probably ordering that capp- cappukey- whatever drink it was that I had to order for him earlier. As Red made her way to the counter also, I let go of her hand to her dismay.

"What's up Nay?". I probably looked totally clueless once she had asked this.

"Nothing. Why?". She shook her head silently before heading towards the counter. Noting that she was hopefully over whatever had caused her to ask that, me and Heidi made our way to a table. Only to be joined by Stan and Kyle a few minutes later. Both looked a little confused and angry with me. As if sensing the type of conversation we were going to have, Heidi closed her eyes and began to rub her temple lightly.

"W-What's up guys?", I asked while fiddling with the edge of the table so that I wouldn't feel so anxious.

"Why are you holding Red's hand for?", Stan asked. While I expected a note of betrayal, instead his voice seemed very curious and slightly jealous. This was not the tone I was expecting him to use so I was a bit shocked to say the least.

"I-". What was I meant to say? I didn't know exactly why I was holding her hand. I just was... and it just so happened that I liked holding her hand. How does someone explain that? "I don't really know", I mumbled honestly. At this, Heidi gave me an unnervingly stare, to which I turned to her. "What? She's nice and s-she's my f-friend. I thiunk she's rea-really funny and I just like h-holding her hand. I don't know what that means Heidi". Her glare seemed to lighten slightly, but it didn't let up completely.

"You boys are clueless", she snorted as she sat back in her seat in an irritated fashion. Me and Stan gave her a quizzical stare while Kyle kept his eyes on me.

"You know dude. If you get Cooties you best not pass them to everyone". As if seeming to somehow agree, Stan nodded slightly as if in a daze. He was still playing close attention to Heidi who was doing nothing except for playing with a couple strands of her hair. He had obviously been confused by the 'boys are clueless' line she used. I agreed though. I was just as confused by what she said. I looked at Kyle as he continued speaking. "Like I don't mean to break your balls Nathan. But if you pass cooties to us all, Cartman will not let us live it down... and if we have to deal with Cartman. You're going to have deal with us all". Even though this was basically a threat, Kyle had said it in the only way Kyle really could. In a friendly fashion. How someone could still act friendly while threatening was bizarre to me, but somehow Kyle had found a way. All that he received in reply was a quick snort from Craig who had apparently been standing behind me this whole time.

"Why don't you go pull that sand out of your vagina Broflovski". I internally smirked at the fact that Craig had used one of Cartman's insults against Kyle. It was quite an effective and low blow, but that was what Craig did best. Deal harsh and blunt insults, or just not deliver anything at all. It's was either hit or miss with Craig. Never anything inbetween. Kyle glared at Craig for the insult, while Stan finally shook himself from his thoughts. Before a bigger argument could start Tweek and Red had made their way back to the table. Heidi stood up, loudly smashing her hands onto the table as if daring anyone to continue the argument. No one dared utter a word to her joy. Not even Craig. Which was a real surprise.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Our favourite murderer coughed heavily as he picked up his toothbrush. Without using any toothpaste he brought the brush to his lips and began brushing away. He had the best night sleep in the longest time ever. He believed that the fact he had been going out hunting for wolves and bears and the such had something to do with tiring him out. Walking lazily around his shack, he came to his favourite room of the house. Pulling out his toothbrush he spat the contents of his mouth onto the floor, before placing the toothbrush back in his mouth and looking towards his favourite wall of his favourite room. Reaching out, he shuddered in delight when his skin came into contact with someone else's piece of skin. He had no idea whose skin it was. All he knew is that whoever previously owned the decapitated left hand he was now touching, had very nice skin. Smiling, he moved his finger from hand to hand. His wall had around 12 left hands nailed carefully onto the wall. His mother would love to see this he thought. No! He knew. He knew she would absolutely love to see him. She always loved how creative he was. She always loved his art work as a child, and there was nothing more artistic that he had done than this. Feeling the need to please his mother futher though had always been an unreachable goal for our left-hand killer. He thought the best way to make his mom proud... would be to get famous. How better to do so, then get talked about on the news? That was what his plan was anyway. The animals of the forest that had been devouring his calling-card corpses had been ruining his chances of that ever happening which had severely pissed him off to the point that he had been going around shooting animals willy-nilly. If it made his mom proud, then that was something he was willing to do. Finishing his teeth-brushing action, he threw his toothbrush on the floor and made his way toward his shotgun, leaving his television turned on with the volume at full level. His target goal of animals to kill was six today. He had killed five yesterday and he wanted to improve his personal best. Once he had his shotgun in hand, he pushed his front door open and made his way into the forest.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Camera? Check. ManBearPig Costume? Check". Al Gore was busily preparing his large back pack so that his plan could be completed once and for all. He needed everything to be in his bag ready. He needed everything to be perfect. He hadn't much luck catching ManBearPig, but he was finally going to get a search party to find it and bring it down. The half-man, half-bear, half-pig would finally submit to his hands. Al Gore would be victorious. For he was Al Gore, and Al Gore always won. He made sure of it. Deciding that he was finally ready he made his way downstairs to the cafeteria, his trusty backpack by his side. Al Gore was so certain that his plan was finally going to work, he was even going to pre-celebrate. A quick round of egg on toast was soon being whipped up by the woman behind the counter.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Okay children. We're going on a nature walk today, and it's going to take atleast two hours so I need to assure you of something. If you get lost. Then you are on you own! This is why you must stick to the paths that have been layed out on the ground. If you don't then you risk getting lost and starving to death or something", Mr Garrison mumbled off as he turned impatiently to knock on his own room's door. "Hurry up Mr Slave!". At the mention of Mr Slave, both Tweek and I looked at each other. Mr Slave was the guy Mr Garrison was fighting when that Al Gore bloke told us he was a spy. Mr Slave must've surrendered and given Mr Garrison information or whatever it was he wanted. That was so awesome!

"I'll be out in a second! Oh Jesus Christ!". With this, Mr Garrison turned back to us kids and recontinued his speech.

"Seeing as the forest is a very dangerous place, I need you all to make sure you have a travel buddy". Almost instantly me and Red nodded to each other in agreement. "To save time, you're going to have the same travel-buddy you chose to walk with on our way to the reception yesterday and for God sake Mr Slave will you hurry it up in there!". At Mr Garrison's angry outburst, most of our class resignedly rushed towards their previous travel buddies. Tweek had already nervously latched onto my sleeve and was twitching away in a panic. I frowned sadly towards Red, who gave me the same sad look as she hesitantly grabbed onto Bebe's hand. Screw Mr Garrison and his time saving ideas. Screw them to Hell.

"Finished!".

"Thank God", Mr Garrison sighed as he held the bridge of his nose, much like he had done yesterday. As he did this, a tall man wearing mostly leather sauntered out of the room. All of a sudden the idea of Mr Garrison being a spy seemed about 90 percent less likely. Wincing when I realised why Mr Garrison had truly been shouting Mr Slave's name yesterday I held on to Tweek's sleeve in return so that I could have some sort of support. I wasn't against what I thought they were doing yesterday... I just didn't like to think of things like that. I am only 10 for peets sake. Of course I'm not going to like thinking about stuff like that. Luckily we made our way into the reception pretty quickly, so the thought didn't remain on my mind too long. Once we had all made our way to the reception, a woman with lipstick all over the bottom half of face came from behind the receptionist's desk and smiled.

"Why hello kiddies! I'm Michelle", she smiled. Her brunette bun wobbling around crazily on the top of her head. "You must be Mr Garrison?", She smiled as she held her hand out to the man clad in leather.

"N-no I'm Mr Slave. Jesus Christ", He whispered in his high-pitched voice. Michelle apologised and held her hand out to the actual Mr Garrison before a thought came to her mind.

"Mr Slave? I can't remember your name being on the list of people from South Park Elementary that were meant to come here. Did you even pay for a room?". She was sure that this Mr Slave hadn't been paid for. The fact that he had entered the camp in Mr Garrison's suitcase now had a reason behind it. Mr Garrison and Mr Slave did not want to pay for a second ticket. Before he could reply Al Gore jumped out of the cafeteria room and made his way towards us all. A back pack hanging loosely from his one hand.

"Hello guys. It's me. Al Gore", he introduced with a gluttonous smile. Some of the class awe-d, others gasped, while the rest muttered something about 'not him again'. The question about whether Mr Slave had paid was dropped altogether when the receptionist rolled her eyes at the appearance of the ex-vice-president. Al smiled to me and Tweek before handing us a camera from his backpack.

"Have this at the ready. Just incase you see something amazing. Make sure you're ready. I'm super cereal", He insisted knowingly. Me & Tweek just nodded in reply.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"That's two!", our favourite murderer cheered as he fist pumped the air. Once he had finished serenading his latest animal-murder, he knelt down onto his knees to inspect the animal that was now lying wounded on the floor below him. It was only a baby bear of some kind, but he didn't care. One less animal alive meant one less animal that could maul his latest victim's corpse. He wanted to rapidly reduce the animal population before he continued on with his people-killing spree. He had too, otherwise any new victims he got would just be ripped to shreds before the media could tell it was he who had killed them. He needed the animals dead as much as he needed his victims dead. Once the mauling of the corpses he left around stopped, people wouldn't be so stupid as to blame the whole thing on that Alien Beast that no one had even seen. Finally getting up from his crouched postion, he turned around and started heading East so that he could head towards one of the forest's natural paths. He may have lived in the forest for most of his adult life, but he didn't want to get lost in the wilderness of the forest. He may have been batshit insane, but he wasn't stupid.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"This seems far enough", Al stated to himself as he took his backpack from his back.

"What?", Mr Garrison asked as he continued to meddle with the map that was in Mr Slave's hands. We had been walking for atleast an hour now, and Mr Garrison had gotten us lost. That's right everybody. The person who had told us to stick to the path, and that if we got lost we were on our own... had gotten us lost. We were still on one of the forest paths. But we had no idea which path we were on.

"I need a piss", Al suddenly stated, before he snuck towards Tweek and I. "What? You two boys need a piss also. Well why don't you join me in that passage over there in a second. Make sure you have the camera on you". Once he had said this he walked over to the passage he had just directed us too.

"N-Nathan?".

"Yes Tweek?".

"I- I don't like w-where this is going". All I could do was agree.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Our favourite murderer aimed his gun for a third time, deciding to quickly kill a third animal. From this angle it looked like some sort of Bear. It could've possibly been the mom or dad to the baby bear he had killed previous. He didn't care though. One more dead animal wouldn't hurt. Infact it would help. With a hushed breath, he pushed his finger down on the trigger.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

This was finally going to happen. People were finally going to believe in ManBearPig, and it was all Al's doing! Oh how the world was going to thank him! Zipping up his brand new ManBearPig costume, he chucked his backpack into a bush and then fixed his fake-pig nose onto his face. When that red-head and the crazy-haired blonde came into the passage. Then, they'd take a photograph. That photograph would be proof enough and then finally! Al Gore would get the recognition he deserved! Finally Al Gore be respected again! Finally he woul-

-BANG-

Our favourite murderer jumped in the air happily fist pumping away, until he looked more closely at the animal. Except. This was no animal. This wasn't any animal he had seen before. It was a monstrosity. Like some failed genetic attempt at creating a new form of life. From the back it looked like a bear. From the front, a grotesque boar-like animal. In addition to this, it stood much like a humanoid would. It was like this animal was an abonimation. It shouldn't exist. It wasn't meant for this world. It's was too foreign for Earth. It was alie- 'Oh my fucking God', our murderer thought. He now believed all the stories of the alien beasts! It had been true all along, and he had been the one to kill it! He bet this made his mother very proud. Wait! If he only he had bought his dad's old video camera. Then he could've took it to the media! He could become famous without all the murdering that he'd been doing! He had to run! He had to run back to his house! He had to get his dad's video camera!

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Mr Gore!", I shouted as me and Tweek made our way into the passage he had told us to go. We weren't entirely stupid so we had Mr Garrison come with us, while Mr Slave made sure none of the class ran off.

"Be quiet Nathan", Mr Garrison snapped as he looked around the passage. "You do know that if the wrong animal hears you out here then you are screwed". I looked down at the ground making sure not to speak until he grabbed my shoulder with his one hand, while grabbing Tweek's shoulder with his other. "What the fuck is that!", he gasped as he noticed a bloody, fur-like heap on the floor. As if by instinct I looked up at the body and took a picture with Al's camera. This is what he knew. He had come out here to kill that thing. He wanted to be remembered for this. Where was Al anyway? Had he died at the hands of that thing? I hope he hadn't. I admit he had been a bit of a douche, but I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. At the sight of the flash, Mr Garrison turned and glared at me before snatching the camera out of my hands.

"Have some respect you total retard", he snapped before proceeding to take some photos of the beast himself. Firstly from where we were standing, and then some from up close.

"W-we should ca-call the -ACK- police!", Tweek panicked as he tightened the grip on my sleeve drastically. Agreeing I nodded frantically in agreement, before I tightened my grip on Tweek's sleeve back, mainly to find some comfort in the fact that I wasn't the only one terrified by the situation. I was kind of glad Red hadn't been allowed to be my travel-buddy. I didn't want her to see the sight of blood and furry guts all over the place. I wouldn't of minded holding her hand to express my fear though. I would've been able to find comfort in her a lot easier than I did with Tweek. Oh God. Trust me to be thinking of Red at a time like this. Mr Garrison's laugh from infront of the creature bought me back to my senses. His laugh continued for a short moment before he turned to face us.

"You two are right. When the police get here, I'll be able to sell this photo's for quite a lot of money", he mused as a smile grew on his face at the thought. With this he took his phone from his pocket and called the police.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

A half-hour had passed before our favourite murderer had made it back to his home. As soon as he had entered the room, he had snatched his dad's camera from a pile of junk left on the floor. As he went to leave the room, he noticed that he had forgot to turn the television off earlier. He also noticed that on the television, the news was being shown. He also noticed that on the news, a picture of the Alien Beast he had just killed was being shown. He also noticed that while displaying the picture, the news reporter was busily talking, to a cop at the scene.

"Isn't it just remarkable... and slightly ironic Mr Barbrady. That out of all the people that could have slain this beast... it ended up being a class of 4th graders?". The cop didn't have chance to reply before the news correspondent continued. "I mean, we've had the police force looking for this murderer. We've even had FBI representatives and someone from the military. But a class of 4th graders managed to succeed where everyone else failed". Our murderer's eyes widened in anger.

"What!", He snarled. His face contorting to a form of pure wrath and envy. He truly couldn't believe this. Once again his praise had been taken from him. His shot at being famous. Gone. Stolen by a bunch of fourth graders. Before the news correspondent could insult Officier Barbrady's intelligence anymore, the murderer gave his television an almighty punch, causing the screen to static and splinter for the second time that week. "No", He uttered as he stood himself up. Flinging his cap to the floor, he stared towards the wall of hands behind him. "I- I can still be famous mother!", he argued. No one argued back, but he acted as if someone had. "I- don't need no beast mother! I can get famous the way I've been trying all this time!", he spat, while turning to look towards the hands nailed on the wall. Giving one a stroke, he began to speak to it in a much more quiet and content tone. "I know a class of 4th graders that can join you on that wall if you feel lonely". The hand made no noise in return. A normal person would tell you that it couldn't, because hands didn't have mouths. However, our murderer wasn't a normal person. He nodded at the hand as if it had given him some sort of mental message. His shot at stardom wasn't over just yet!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter Thirteen; ****KAPOW!**** SECOND UPDATE TODAY! How was that for a chapter? I decided to put the romantic side of the story on the back burner so that I could progress the main story forward a whole lot. Were you expecting it? I hope you guys weren't. I hope it was unexpected and a good twist of sorts. On one side, I no longer have to write Al Gore chapters! Because BANG. He's dead. On the other side... our favourite murderer now has a vendetta on the fourth graders of South Park Elementary. Yeah, I know killing Al off was a bit drastic... He played a big part of the story but his part in it had finally sizlled out... Sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles I guess. **

** The next bunch of chapters are going to be set back in South Park. So you all can prepare to welcome Cartman back to the story with wide open arms! Also expect a few chapters on the festival mentioned earlier in the story... Expect chapters slightly depicting a Stick Of Truth-like game going on in the background. (Nothing too revealing or spoilerific). **

** Before I forget. The one-off spin-offs are going to happen eventually. I just want this story done and dusted. Once that's done, I'll begin posting the one-off spin-offs on a seperate story. I'll name the chapters something obvious, so that you would know when they occur in this story and the such. **

** Finally... Yet another thanks to Cortez30 and IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch for the reviews. I agree IHMSSM. Alot of South Park characters could do with a whole lot more development to be honest! & Cortez30, Kyle's my favourite character out of the main 4 boys. So highfive ahaha!**

**Disclaimer; No. South Park Isn't Mine. **


	15. Goodbye Gore, Hello KKK

**Chapter Fourteen**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The funeral service was long and slow. Nobody had actually found Al's body, but no one had enough disrespect to not plan a funeral for him. He may have been a psycho, who didn't really think about how what he said would be interpretated, but I'd like to think he deserved a final send off. I know I'd want a final send off if I was in his place. Maybe one that wasn't as long or as awkward as Al's though. No one had really spoken or gotten to know Al Gore personally, so people had turned up to his funeral mainly to not seem like heartless douches. Most of the attendees were worried about some flashing lights that had been seen around the town the previous night, but being at that camp meant that none of us fourth graders had seen anything. Even Eric said he saw something, but he wouldn't let on to anyone what he actually saw. Speaking about Eric, he was the only person who had enough balls to tell everyone how 'faggy' he thought the 'whole funeral for someone you didn't know' affair was. He just didn't know how to have even the tiniest bit of respect or dignity. I had seriously began wondering whether he was as large as he was because of his inflated ego needing a lot more room. It was definitely a possibility. Anyways, getting back onto topic. Al Gore's death had been seen as some sort of holy sacrifice by the town of South Park. He had sacrificed himself to kill that beast we found back in the forest. The beast that had apparently been killing people around the town since before I moved here. His selfless sacrifice had earned us the day off school on Monday, (which was when the funeral had took place). A lot of the town had been there. Just standing there. Wordlessly. They were clearly as clueless as us kids were. After about 30 minutes, the majority of people had dispersed from the empty grave that had been given to Gore. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I hoped he wasn't actually dead. I was being super cereal...

My family were last to leave his grave. This was because my mom had some sort of stupid superstition. She wanted to please the spirits so that they could please us or something like that. Just... Don't ask, because I don't know what goes on in the head of my mother. How dad managed to understand her was beyond me, but then again my dad knew everything. I'm sure his IQ was like a million or something.

"You looking forward to the county fair this week?", My dad asked as if he somehow knew I was thinking of him. I nodded while looking down at the black blazer-jacket I was wearing. I wasn't really sure how it was a suitable thing to wear at a funeral but my dad had said it made me look smart. I just guessed that dad was trying to lighten the mood. Looking back towards him, he smiled before taking a quick glance at mom and then turning back to me. "I'm thinking pancakes for breakfast. Aye son?". Mom looked at him with a faked-angry look on her face.

"You've already had breakfast". At this he nodded with a quick laugh.

"Second breakfast then. We're wasting away, aren't we son?". Mom shook her head playfully at me when I agreed with my dad. "Fine. Pancakes it is". With her surrender dad snaked an arm around mom's shoulders and gave her a tight squeeze. Blanching at the sight, I turned on the spot to be met with a kid that I had never met before. He was dressed in a long purple cloak, (that seemed to be fashioned out of a curtain), and a painted paper-mache crown upon his head. I stared at him, waiting for him to speak but quickly realised the kid was going to remain silent. Before I could decide to speak first, he held out a piece of purple paper, which I reluctantly took.

"Whose your friend Nathan?", my mom asked goofily. I turned at the sound of her voice and mouthed 'dunno', before turning back to the boy. When I turned back however, he had disappeared. Shrugging it off I shoved the paper into my pocket and continued the walk back to my house to get changed.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Sighing loudly, our favourite murderer swung into a bar not too far from his house. The lighting outside informed him that the place was called Skeeter's Bar, and after all this mockery of some guy he hadn't even heard of partly taking his glory for killing that beast in the forest, he felt like he had earned himself a drink. He thought a drink would also better his mood. The fact that some guy had took some of the glory had really angered him... but the fact that, that some guy had died meant that he wouldn't be able to enact revenge by killing him himself. The idea of losing a kill really devestated our favourite murderer. However, once a couple pints of beer were pumping through his veins he had his happy persona back. Mainly because his alcohol-fueled state had reminded him that he had a bunch of 4th graders to kill. Oh, how he planned to kill them he didn't know just yet. He had to play it carefully though. He wanted to make sure that every one of those glory-hunting spoilt brats got what was coming to them, and if he went out killing people left, right and centre then he would never be able to make them all suffer before the police caught up with him. This was new territory for him. Previously he had been killing people with the mission to get caught. But now he was going to try and kill people without getting caught. He was clueless. All he knew was that; It was going to be a really hard task. It was going to be a really difficult task. It was going to be a really fun task.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

_Join the Bloodknox Battle Orcs today! Meeting at the elusive Red Fort. (That's the red house next to the South Park sign for you newbies!) Starts at 4pm! Be there or be square! (Free Hat) - Dovakhin The Orcish Overlord._

Snorting at the purple note that mute boy had given me earlier, I scrunched it up into a ball and chucked it into the park bin. Dad, mom and me had gotten home about five minutes after the encounter with 'Mr Silent', and after 10 minutes of getting changed into something more comfortable I was outside of my house and exploring the town myself, for what must've been the first time. I had been outside of my house before obviously, but I hadn't really traversed into the main streets of the town much, so I felt like I could spend today just exploring and working my way around town. My travelling had took me to various places of the town. I had reached the church first, before continuing down the road to pass by the police station. Walking further along the very same road, I came to the main market strip of South Park... and I couldn't help but feel quite confused by what the town had to offer. Where I was expecting a useful corner shop or a helpful conveinience store, I was met with an abortion clinic and a photo store. Where exactly did people in this town get their food from? I mean, there was a whole shopping-centre in town but for some reason it was always closed whenever I walked past. It was just never ever open. Anyway, continuing from the market strip I had found my way to the park in town, which is where I was currently situated. I wasn't on the park to play before you think that! I'm 10. I'm way too old to be playing on the park. Park's are for babies. I was just sat on the slide so that I could catch my breath. If I happened to slip down the slide then that wasn't my fault. That would be gravity's fault. Yeah? Like, I'm way too old to be playing on a park, but if gravity pulls me down the slide then that's not my fault. It's not as if I'm choosing to go down the slide. It was out of my control. Yeah. That sounds believeable... I err- I mean... of course it sounds believeable because that's the truth. After being 'forced' down the slide by gravity I decided to leave the park and explore more of the town. Before too long I was met with the sight of a cinema and a coffee store.

"Hey kid!". Hearing the pale man stood in the ticket booth of the cinema shout me, I turned to face him. With a smirk of getting my attention, he held a movie ticket up to the glass of his booth. "How does it feel knowing you can't see this movie because you're not mature enough?". With a shrug I turned away from the man and continued down to the coffee shop next door.

"Tweak Bros?", I asked myself quietly so that any passers-by wouldn't think I was crazy for talking to myself. Noting that no one had heard me, I opened the door to the coffee shop and walked inside. Almost instantly the smell of coffee beans and cream hit my nose. Letting out a small smile at the delicious smell, I began walking to the counter before noticing Cartman stood in the corner of the seating area, wearing the most ridiculous wizard garb. As if sensing my eyes on him, he gasped thoughtfully before composing himself and walking over with a spring in his step.

"I see you've noticed my magic wizard robes", he stated while trying his best to fake a posh-accent. With a chuckle I nodded my reply. My laugh made him glare slightly, but again he composed himself.

"What are you wearing?", I cackled while holding a hand over my mouth so that the sound of laughter would be mumbled and hopefully less noticeable.

"I just said magic wizard robes asshole! Learn to listen you dumb fuck!". At his insult I stopped my laughter. Noting my silence he smiled at his success. "Hey! Where d'ya think you're going?". Clearly he had obviously noted that I was walking away from him, but had not worked out I was walking towards the counter. "Aye! Don't ignore me you pigfucker!". The man at the counter glared at Cartman for his outburst, before placing a probably-rehearsed smile on his face.

"What can I get you?". I gave the man an equally false smile before turning to look at the menu. I wasn't really a massive coffee lover to be quite honest. Which kind of made me question why on Earth I had walked into a coffee shop. Noticing that I was having trouble deciding whether or not I actually wanted a coffee, the man behind the counter tapped me on the shoulder as if to bring me out of my thoughts. "Are you here to play with Tweek and his friends?".

"What?", I asked dumbly.

"Is that why you're here? I've had a bunch of kids playing Knights and Trolls or something come here asking for Tweek. They're all in the back room if that's where you need to go". With a quick 'Thanks', I smiled and turned on the spot so that I could head home. World of Warcraft-like games, were games I rarely ever enjoyed playing.

"If you ignore me once more I'mma kick you in the nuts! Seriously!", whined the very large wizard-boy who had just jumped in my way in an attempt to stop me from leaving the coffee shop. Pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed and decided it would probably just be a lot easier if I agreed to answer Cartman's questions rather than refuse to acknowledge them at all.

"Home". At my answer he tutted dramatically before turning me around and leading me towards one of the tables. He had his arm draped over my shoulder, and I was suddenly aware that something fishy was probably going to happen soon. For some unknown reason he was limping really badly. I wasn't sure what had happened to Cartman when the rest of us had went to the camp, but something clearly had happened. I was in no mood to ask him about it though.

"Why would you want to go home when you can make something of yourself?".

"Look Eric, if this is about the World of Warcraft game you're all playing then I'm not interested".

"Hear me out you douc- World of Warcraft? Seriously? It's Dungeons & Dragons asswipe!". As if to emphasise how annoyed he was that I had gotten the two mixed up he tightened his grip on my shoulder so that he was hurting me. Clenching my teeth to so that I wouldn't gasp out in pain, I continued the conversation.

"Okay, Okay".

"Nyah!", He exclaimed in a way that made it sound like he had achieved something. "Now Nathan. I'm offering you something that I never ever offer other dirty gingers freaks". I glared at him for this. "But seeing as you're a day walker I guess you can be an exception", he reasoned to himself, in a way that made it sound that he wasn't entirely happy asking a ginger, whatever he was going to ask me. "I want you to join the KKK". He removed his hand from my shoulder and smiled whe-

"What!?", I choked in disgust after fully realising what he had asked me.

"Don't get your ginger balls in a knot dickface. It means Kingdom of Kupa Keep", he snapped as he took a seat at a table. Gesturing for me to join him, I sat down opposite him.

"Kingdom of Kupa Keep?", I asked as I picked up and surveyed a coaster that had been left on the table. Within a few seconds he had snatched the coaster from my hand and was looking down at me with pure seriousity.

"The world is in danger firecrotch", he started, totally ignoring my question. I decided to ignore his insult and let him continue. "Us humans need all the help we can get". With this, he paused and looked at me for an answer that I didn't have. "Come on firecrotch I don't have all day".

"What? ...and stop calling me that". He rolled his eyes and then proceeded to look at me as if I was brainless.

"Look assmaster. Do you want to be on my side or not?". It was clear he was rapidly losing his patience. Fully knowing that if I declined his invitation to play some role playing game, I would have to deal with his complaining and bitching tomorrow in school I sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Great. We'll do the ceremony back at the Kingdom".

"What? Ceremony!?". My questions went unanswered as Cartman was now focusing on the people that had just walked out of the store room. Following his eyes, I came face to face with quite a sight. Stan, Kyle, Butters, Kenny, Jimmy, Token and Craig, all dressed up in some hand-made medieval-esque clothing. Stan and Kyle had fashioned themselves to look like some humanoid being with pointed ears. I would've guessed vampires, but the rest of their costume didn't really fit the whole 'blood-sucking monster' theme.

"Oh howdy Nathan", Butters smiled with a quick wave. I waved back but couldn't reply as Kyle had already begun speaking.

"We got Tweek out of retirement Wizard King".

"That's great Jew". Kyle did not seem happy with Cartman's reply.

"Hey fatass! If I have to call you Wizard King, then that means you have to call me Elven King". Cartman whined at the idea but did as he was told.

"Fine Kyle you goddamn hippee crybaby". Once he had got that out of his system, he went back to role-playing. "Thanks Elven King". The fact that Cartman had called Kyle something in a positive light had really bothered him. "I've got firecrotch here to join us too. Isn't that right firecrotch".

"I said stop calling me that", I hissed at the fat boy, only earning a devious smirk in return. "You know what. Fuck you Eric".

"Don't be such a sissy bitch. Listen to your king!", Cartman ordered in a whiny-pitched voice.

"King? Pshh", Kyle mocked.

"Kyle! Seriously. I will kick your ass you ginger jersey Jew!". Kyle glared at Cartman for his remark. "C'mon firecrotch. Grow some balls and join us". The way Cartman said this, made it sound like I didn't have a choice.

"Just play the game?", Craig asked me in a friendly tone. Well... as friendly as Craig could possibly make it sound. Shrugging slightly, I sighed and let a small smile grow on my face.

"Fine guys", I smirked in defeat. At this I earned a playful cheer from Token, Craig and Tweek. "So... how do you play?".

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Before I get into the author notes... College has re-begun! This means updates are going to take quite a bit longer than usual. I'm sorry but revising for my A-Levels just seems like the bigger priority at the moment. Updates will mainly be on weekends, but the odd weekday updates may occur. Thanks for understanding guys!**

**Chapter Fourteen; How was this for a chapter? Now that the whole Al Gore part has finished, I needed something to take up that spot. This is why the whole 'Stick Of Truth-esque' setting has came in. Don't worry I won't dwindle on it too much, and I won't implement spoilers if I can help it. I just need something to split the murderer scenes from the kid scenes and this seems like the perfect topic for the meanwhile. A couple references to past episodes in this chapter again too for you South Park Superfans ahaha.**

** Thanks to my avid reviewers Cortez30 and IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch! I'm grateful for the reviews you two have been giving me. They help me work out whether something is working or not in the story, so thanks guys! For anyone else who wants to ask me a question, give me plot ideas you wouldn't mind seeing or even something as simple as constructive criticism; Don't feel scared to leave me a message or a review! **

**Disclaimer; South Park isn't my property guys. **


	16. Happily Banished

**Chapter Fifteen**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After reluctantly agreeing to join the KKK, (which actually stood for Kingdom Of Kupa Keep and wasn't just some cruel play on words made by Cartman), I was being patrolled to some location. Well, I was being lead I should say, because of course... Knowing the kingdom's location was tippy-top secret and I wasn't allowed to know it just yet. This meant that I had to be blindfolded and be led somewhere, where I had no real clue where I was going. They literally could've lead me to the edge of a cliff and I wouldn't of been any the wiser. (Is that how the saying goes? I'm not sure. I'm only 10, how am I meant to know?). But anyways, it was for this exact reason that I was clutching on to someone's arm tightly, as a subtle warning that if I were to be pushed off a cliff, they would surely be joining me. I swear if this is some sort of a trick I will not be very happy. I knew it wasn't Tweek that I was holding on to, as he was busily stuttering away on the other side of me. I think he was trying to whisper to me about what game we were playing, and how to actually play the game. I couldn't really take in his information however as I had put all my brain power into trying to walk without the sense of sight. As if to show how useless this was, I managed to stumble on my next step. This, in turn, caused me to grip tighter on to whoever's arm I was holding. I wouldn't of been surprised if I was practically squeezing the person to death.

"Ow. Ease up dipshit". I wasn't entirely sure who had said that, but it sounded more like Kyle than anyone else so I guessed that was who I clinging onto as if it were a matter of life or death.

"Sorry", I apologised before feeling irritated at the fact he had called me dipshit. "...and I wouldn't of hurt you if I could just walk to wherever the fuck it is we're going without this shitty blindfold on". My sassy remark earned a snicker from both Craig and Kenny. I could tell their voices from a mile away.

"That's right firecrotch. Take your anger out on the Jew. It's the only thing he's good for", Cartman muttered contently, as he fought to catch his breath. He was still limping away as Jimmy had asked him about it. All Cartman said back was that he wanted to be more like Jimmy, by pretending to 'be to stupid to not know how to walk'. I almost lashed out at Cartman when he said that. But the fact that I was blindfolded and that someone had quickly grabbed onto the back of my jumper to stop me from pouncing meant that I had to retain my anger. Fortunately for me, someone had hit Cartman for his nasty comment. I wasn't sure who had hit him exactly, as Cartman didn't make it clear. All he said was 'Fuck you, you black asshole'... But if you knew Cartman, then you'd know he calls everyone black assholes. I'm pretty sure Cartman just lived to be controversial in all the worst ways. I hope it was Craig that had hit him. I hope Craig made him cry again.

"Fuck you fatass". Cartman chuckled at Kyle's reaction to his insult, while clearly choosing to ignore the 'fatass' insult Kyle had threw his way. I knew this, as Cartman didn't reply to Kyle.

"What are you doing with Nay?". I stopped walking at the sound of this feminine voice. It was Red's voice. I could tell, by her high-pitch that I had grown accustomed too.

"Ignore her lads. She's a dirty no-good succubus", Cartman remarked with a sour note to his voice.

"Hey!", I shouted in defiance, but my voice was muffled under the 'gasps'. 'wows' and 'remember when Chef dated a succubus' from the rest of the lads I was walking with. Before the gasps had fully died down I was pretty sure I heard Wendy's voice say something insulting about Cartman's weight.

"Come on Red. There's no point talking to these immature boys". Yes. That was definitely Wendy, as only her could say something in such a condescending tone. I hurriedly let go of Kyle's arm and turned and grabbed onto another person.

"What did you want Red?".

A muffled reply told me that I had accidently grabbed onto Kenny and not Red. Mumbling an embarrassed apology I made to remove the blindfold from my eyes, but my hands were roughly pulled down by someone.

"Don't let her succubus mind tricks warp your fragile little mind", Cartman whispered. It was he who had pulled my hands down. I thrust my hands from his grip before reaching out for where I thought Kyle was still stood. Once I had grabbed on to a sleeve of some kind, I let myself be lead to wherever this Kingdom was. That's if we were going to a kingdom. I hoped we were going to a kingdom.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Here we are firecrotch", Cartman proclaimed proudly as he hurriedly untied my blindfold.

"I told you to stop cal- Woah!". I paused dumbstruck. We were obviously in someone's garden... But that obviously wasn't why I was marvelling. I was marvelling at the gigantic fort that I could only guess my friends had made themselves. How had they managed to build all this? It was amazing. It was remarking. "Wow".

"It's good isn't it?", Stan asked with a smile on his lips. I turned to look at him before nodding with an amazed smile. He laughed at my amazement with a strange look in his eyes. As he made to ask me something, I was twisted haphazardly on the spot so that I became face to face with Clyde. Clyde? I'm pretty sure he hadn't been at the coffee shop with everyone... So he must've been here all this time. Maybe we were in Clyde's garden right now?

"What weapon do you want?", Clyde asked in a fairly bored manner. Even though he hadn't really said that in a positive tone, it was one of the nicest tones Clyde has ever used when talking to me.

"God damn Clyde! Stay in fucking character you retard!", Cartman whined from a chair that he made Butters retrieve from a purple tent-like fort at the very back of the garden. Cartman was clearly living it up as 'king'. To show his hatred towards the 'monarch' Clyde cut his eyes at Cartman but did as he was told. This made me snicker, which put a proud smile on Clyde's face. Once my snickering stopped, he began his role-playing.

"Hello weary traveler, can I interest you in any of my wares?". I gave him a guilty confused look, as I truly had no clue what he had just asked me. Fortunately he nodded both in understanding, and in a way that made sure that Cartman couldn't see him breaking character. Speaking about Cartman, Clyde inspected the fat-wizard and noted that Cartman was now busily arguing with Kyle over who which of them was the better king. Clyde happily broke character, with a hushed whisper.

"I'll break character but I've got to stay quiet. After what happened last time we played this, it's a wonder the guys are letting me play at all. Cartman's desperately looking for a reason to ban me from the game again, so I'm trying my hardest not to get on his bad side". This time I nodded in understanding, even though I had no clue what actually had happened last time. With another whisper, Clyde pointed towards a small plastic blade on the table. "That one is worth three dollars, but I'll knock it down to just one dollar if you want". Why Clyde was being nice to me all of a sudden was beyond me. Maybe he just wanted a friend playing this game that didn't judge him based on whatever had happened last year. Smiling appreciatively I nodded and fished for some change in my pocket. I was still getting used to the American currency but I managed to give Clyde the right amount of money. He poured the assorted coins I had gave him into a small can that was sat on the table, before procuring my new weapon and handing it to me. As I took it from him, he grabbed onto my sleeve to stop me from leaving the table. "One last thing Nathan". I looked at Clyde and awaited for him to continue. "Don't trust Kenny". I wanted him to continue or atleast explain, but he had walked off to the other side of the table so that he could restock the weapon I had just bought. Looking at the plastic sword in my hand, I noticed it was cheap and flimsy, but it was very obvious that with the right amount of force this weapon would inflict quite an extreme whiplash.

"Firecrotch", Cartman began from behind me. Almost instantly I whipped around unintentionally hitting him in the arm with my new weapon. He whined in pain as he clutched on to the reddened skin on his arm. "What the fuck! Fucking French piece of crap!". His pain induced a chuckle from Kyle and Stan who were now both squeezed comfortably in the chair Cartman had just gotten up from.

"Sorry Eric", I apologised unapologetically. I didn't really feel that sorry though. In fact I was slightly happy at the fact that I had caused him pain.

"You better be", He spat back as he continued to rub his arm. Once he was satisfied he had done enough rubbing he looked at me with a devious grin on his face. "Okay fir- Nathan...". The fact he had called me by my actual name made me smile. He probably thought I would hit him again if he called me firecrotch again. I didn't actually mean to hit him in the first place, but it would probably be more beneficial to me if he didn't know that. "...Normally I'd get you to pick one of four classes. But you already have a class". He smirked smugly when he said this.

"I do?".

"Yeah".

"W- What then?". Cartman walked towards a tree stump and sat on it so that he wouldn't have to stand.

"Well the Ginger class. Hah!". I looked at him curiously, while he continued to look smug at his lame excuse of an insult. Not really caring that I lost my chance to pick a class as I had already been deemed as a member of the 'Ginger' class, I smiled. Instantly noticing that I wasn't offended in the slightest Eric's face fell a little as he stood up from his stump. "You know what... I don't think this is going to work".

"Huh?", I asked confusedly.

"Yeah. I don't think this game is really for you".

"C-Cartman what -ACK- are you s-saying?", Tweek asked with a shocked expression.

"Shut up spazfuck", Cartman practically shouted. Almost instantly the look of hurt was in Tweek's eyes. Jimmy, Clyde and Token went silent while looking at Cartman cautiously. However, once he had given them all a quick glare, each person stopped staring at him. Once he was satisfied he had unnerved his friend he turned his eyes back to me.

"Just get out of my garden buttfucker", he spat as he pointed towards his house. He was baring his teeth as if to try to make him look as threatening as possible, but instead it just made him look like a dumbass. I raised my newly bought weapon in the air, fully planning on hitting him with it... But I decided not to when he clenched his eyes shut, fully expecting me to continue on with my previous plan. Lowering my arm, so as not to hit any one, I mouthed goodbye to everyone else who was in the garden. I received a few awkward waves goodbye, while the others ignored me completely, deciding to busy themselves by staring intently to the ground or to their shoes. Making my way across the garden to the house, I noticed Tweek's face which now looked a lot more disappointed than hurt. He rushed to catch up with me, and I gave him a reassuring smile to show him that I didn't mind not being allowed to play. His frown remained on his face however.

"What's up Tweek?".

"I-I w-wanted you to -ACK- play with us", he sighed sadly. My smile expanded further across my face when I realised he actually wanted me to play the game. Maybe I had finally found my best friend here. Well, I already saw Tweek as my best friend. I just didn't know whether he saw me as his best friend...

To say this was a fucked up town... with fetus-faced school nurses, random meterosexual fads and alien-beasts killing people in the forest... This town had done me some good. I finally had a best friend, and I had whatever I had with Red. I wasn't sure what to call whatever it was I had with Red, but I liked whatever it was never-the-less. Yeah... South Park may have been a fucked up little town... But it was my fucked up little town.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter Fifteen; This is quite a small chapter, but revision and the lack of time to write anything has taken it's toll on me. Also, I'm beginning to find this story a little stale to write. I really want to finish it, but the process of writing it is becoming a little tedious and lack-lustered for me. Maybe it's just revision draining my energy. On the plus side, this monday is May Day. I don't know if England is the only country that has May Day, but it basically means I don't have to go to college on that day. Hopefully that means I can spread two days of revision over three days... That will enable me to atleast write another chapter or atleast half a chapter this weekend. **

** Thanks to Cortez30 for the review. The whole 'Sunshine, Sparkles' thing I'm planning to use, when I finally write up the girls POV one-shot lol. I couldn't possibly forget to use that. I hope that sunshine and sparkles with you ahaha.**

**Also thanks to IHateMarySue'sSoooooMuch. I'm glad you like the dad and the whole firecrotch nickname ahah! & I agree. Stick Of Truth was literally one of the best games I've ever played. I'm seriously hoping they make some mission DLC for it!**

**Disclaimer; South Park... NO MINE. VERY NO MINE.**


	17. The Pacts Off

**Chapter Sixteen**

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"What is your problem fatass!".

"I don't know what your talking about... and I'm not fat you fucking Jew piece of crap!". With an angry snarl Kyle edged ever closer to the enraged kid in front of him.

"Look. If you want to be a big a big dick to everyone then you can go play on your own".

"Yeah Cartman", Stan agreed as he came to stand by Kyle's side in agreement.

"Fine. Screw you guys", He sighed angrily. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he was angry and too stubborn to admit he had been a bit harsh earlier when he had sent Nathan home. But Cartman was the Wizard King, and he was allowed to be like that. It was his right. It was his responsibility. Acting like a tyrant was one of the privileges of being king. Thinking of an idea, he let a smug smirk fall onto his fat face. "The pacts off".

"W-w-what?", Jimmy gasped shocked.

"W-Why?", Token stuttered as he rushed towards the trio to get more information.

"What are you thinking Cartman?", Craig then added as he nonchalantly made his way over. "They almost wiped us out before we agreed to have this pact".

"Shut up Craig. Fucking Asshole!", Cartman spat. He needed to concentrate, and Craig's voice was preventing him from doing so.

"Th-They -ACK- only won be-because they had the stick -GAH- and d-douchebag", Tweek reasoned. Craig gave him a shrug in reply, but made sure to add a small smile so that the blonde wouldn't begin to panic over something stupid his mind would inevitably make up. When Cartman looked up, he noticed Kyle and Stan staring back at him smugly. Now that had driven him over the edge. He could deal with Stan being smug... but Kyle? No way. No way Cartman was going to let that dirty little Jew have the last laugh.

"Well Jew... Looks like we outnumber you". Realising this, both Kyle and Stan's face dropped. It was true. Everyone else that had previously played the game had soon grown tired of it and had given up playing it. The only people still playing the game were the people that were currently in Cartman's garden and that devil worshiping kid who was constantly harassing Pip. That meant that on the Human side, there would be Cartman, Kenny, Tweek, Craig, Token, Butters and Damien, (if he wasn't too busy setting Pip on fire). Meaning only Kyle, Stan and Jimmy would be on the elves side. If this was the case, then the elves would undoubtedly fail. Kyle wasn't one to give in too pressure though. He had strong-willed Jersey blood in him, and he wouldn't give Cartman the chance to even feel one step above him.

"C'mon Stan. Jimmy. We've got plans to make". Stan and Jimmy looked at Kyle cautiously before reluctantly following him. They felt like they were walking to their death... and Cartman knew it. Before the smile could get too big, Kenny pushed past him to join his three friends. The orange-parka wearing boy could only laugh when he took in Cartman's face of total betrayal and annoyance. This was going to be fun.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Get out of here rummy!", the bartender shouted as he forcibly threw our favourite murderer out of his pub. After two hours of drinking, and drinking, and drinking... He was happily embarrassing himself by being the most clumsiest person in the entire existence of Skeeter's bar. Not only had he ruined the furniture and bar stools of the bar, he had also managed to scare away the entirety of the customers at the bar. This had resulted in the booting from the pub that he was now receiving. "...And stay out!", Skeeter shouted loudly before sauntering back into the pub both red-faced and angry. During his two hour drinking session he had managed to come up with some plan on how to finally get his revenge on those glory hogging fourth grader bastards. He was going to make them suffer. He was going to make his mother proud. With a bubbly giddy smile, he clambered to his feet and began drunkenly traversing the town.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"What are we going to do Kyle?", Stan asked as he paced around Kyle's back garden nervously.

"Yeah we're i-in for a r-real a-ass whooping", Jimmy added as if Kyle didn't already know that. Kyle frowned in deep concentration.

"We'll have to recruit people. Fast", he muttered out defeatedly. He wished to himself that he didn't let himself get into these sort of situations. The situations in which he set himself up, just do Cartman could knock him down and laugh... and laugh... and laugh. Cartman would not let Kyle hear the end of this. He needed to act quickly. He needed as much help as he could possibly get.

"Jimmy; See if you can recruit Timmy and the third graders. Stan; You try the vampire kids and the girls. I bet Wendy will help you or something". Stan nodded at his friend's request. "Kenny, you can try to recruit Damien to our side. If he declines just try to persuade him to drop out of the game altogether. Oh. If you find Nathan, tell him he's welcome on our side too!". This time Kenny nodded. "I'll go and speak to Ike and see whether or not he can get his friends on our side like last time". With that said, the Elven kingdom's plan began to play out.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Swinging my plastic blade around tiredly, I let out a yawn. I had walked back to the park as I didn't really want to go back home. If I did go back home, that would result in my mom asking why I wasn't playing out with my mates. If I told her I got banned from a game, she would have a total bitch-fit and basically it would be mommy-war. If that wasn't bad enough, my dad would try to lighten my day by deciding to take me fishing like he always did. I hated fishing. I hated fish. To make my day worse, I couldn't even sit on the slide and let gravity pull me down. A bunch of older boys smoking cigarettes and riding around on bikes had claimed it as some of their own territory and there was no way I was going to challenge them for it. Sighing, I sat down on the park bench. Before I could get too comfortable, someone had begun to shake their hand in my face. Looking up, my eyes clashed with Red's and Almost instantly my day didn't feel that bad anymore.

"Hello Nay!", she sang as she plopped herself down next to me.

"Hey", I replied as my face reddened at the use of my nickname.

"I thought you were with the boys?", she asked suddenly when she noticed the plastic weapon in my lap.

"I.. err...".

"Cartman?", she asked noticing my flustered and embarrassed stuttering. I nodded dumbly.

"How did you guess?".

"Well... When isn't Cartman upsetting people?". I let out a chuckle at this. "So what game was you playing?", she asked as she took my hand in hers. She gave my hand a tight squeeze as she awaited my answer.

"I'm not even sure...", I replied while squeezing her hand back. "I didn't get that far into the game", I finished with an unimpressed sigh. Noticing my lowered demeanor she gave me a reassuring smile, before an idea of some sort lit her face up.

"I know! You can play that game with me!". I gave her an unsure look which resulted in her asking me 'What?'.

"You're a girl...". She nodded slowly, obviously not understanding what I was getting at. "Girls don't play weapon games with boys. Heck, Girls don't play weapon games at all". At hearing this she gave me a playful shove.

"Well we can start today", she chuckled. I liked her chuckle. It was sweet and cute... if chuckles can be cute? I mean. No. I'm a boy. I don't find anything cute. Except for Red. Yeah. Except for Red. "Well? Do you want to play or not?", she asked again in a slightly more serious tone. Shaking myself from my thoughts, I gave her a grateful smile.

"Do you even know how to play?". At this, she shook her head.

"Teach me".

"I- I don't know either...", I admitted blushing. She tittered lightly at this.

"Well let's just ask them how to play", she offered as she stood up from the bench. She was trying to pull me up as well through the use of our still linked hands but I was making sure I didn't budge.

"I'm not asking Cartman for help", I stated blankly. She let out a small breath of frustration at this.

"Well do you know anyone else to ask". I paused in thought, before looking at her with a wide smile.

"In fact I do!. Red... Do you know who Dovakhin is?".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

Kenny let out an aggravated noise of some sort from underneath his parka as he exited the City Wok. The City Wok was a Chinese buffet-styled restaurant which was surprisingly, the most common eating ground of Damien. Unfortunately, as fate would have it, today was the only day that the devil-spawn was not sat in the establishment. That meant that Kenny had wasted a lot of time and effort for nothing. He guessed that the next best thing to do would be to look for Nathan... however Kenny had no idea where the red-head would be, or where he lived for that matter. Oh this was going to be so annoying. Why couldn't Kyle give him people to recruit that didn't involve playing a town-sized version of hide and seek. This was stupid. Why coul- Before Kenny could finish his thought, a metal object of some sort smashed against his head. Maybe Cartman had found him and was using some enchanted wea- Again the object collided with his head... and again... and again... and again. It was repeated over and over. Repeated until Kenny blacked out. Repeated until his teeth had been knocked from their rightful place in his mouth. Repeated until Kenny's blood began to run from his skin. Repeated until Kenny's body could no longer stand the physical trauma it was being put through. Repeated until Kenny was no more. Without even being given the chance to realise what was happening, Kenny had become our favourite murderer's first victim. Beaten to death in clouded daylight. How no one had seen the attack only God could know. But our favourite drunken murderer had apparently gotten lucky. No cops. No eye-witnesses. No anything. Just him, a rusty pipe and the corpse of a boy sprawled out on the floor.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter Sixteen... The story is going to get a little diverse over the next couple of chapters... Diverse because a whole load of shit is going to be happening, and this is going to get crazy to write, why am I doing this to myself? But yeah... Kenny's dead. WHO DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!? I know, I know Kenny can come back from the dead in the show, and without spoiling too much I plan to take that into account... sort of.**

** Thanks to Cortez30 for the review, and the advice! I think it's the fact that I've got revision to do that's draining my energy because I couldn't bring myself to even begin the one-off chapters. I've planned some of them out, but I just couldn't write them. I'll get them written some time in the future though so it's not that bad. Thanks again though dude!**

**Disclaimer; North City Isn't mine. I'm not sure why I mentioned that. I should probably mention instead, that South Park isn't mine.**


	18. He Speaks

**Chapter Seventeen;**

"So glad you could make it", a small red-headed boy with glasses mumbled nervously as Red and I slowly entered the house, (that was apparently the meeting ground for Dovakhin and his 'orc-team' or whatever the proper name for them was). I didn't really care what they called themselves. I just wanted to know how to play whatever game it was that Cartman had banished me from. Once I knew the rules, I was going to beat his ass at his own game. That'll show him for booting me for Kula Keep or whatever it was. Look. I'm still annoyed, okay? It's not my fault I don't remember certain details that don't seem significant at the time. I think the fact that Red was so persistant that we learn how to play this game had something to do with how pissy I had become all of a sudden. It was like I was preparing for a battle, and I had to make sure that I made her proud. That makes sense. Right? I could only hope so.

"Thank you", Red quipped as she nodded to the boy who had greeted to us. Once we had rebegun walking down the hallway, she whispered to me about how the boy had diabetes. I wasn't so sure why she was telling me this, but I nodded along pretending that I was interested. I don't know why my mind was so out of it today. I just couldn't concentrate on anything that didn't involve learning this game so I could enact some well deserved revenge on Cartman. I normally didn't hold grudges, but for some reason I just couldn't let it go. Again, I blamed this on the fact that Red was here. "What's wrong with you, Nay?", she suddenly asked in a worried tone as she held both of my hands so that we could stand face-to-face. I smiled at the fact that she cared. But what was I meant to tell her? I'm only 10, I'm not old enough for this shit.

"Err... Nothing. I- I just need a drink I think", I replied dumbly. She gave me a look that showed she only partly believed me. Fortunately she decided not to pry further and instead began to lead me into one of the rooms that a kid dressed in a tin-foil chestplate of some sort had previously just exited.

"That was Damien", Red mumbled as she watched him exit the house altogether. Was she nervous, because why else would she keep providing me with random factoids that had nothing to do with me? Then again. I was nervous too. But I was the quiet-nervous, while she was the chatty-nervous.I guess she made up for what I lacked. That's another positive thing about Re- "What are you doing?", Red asked out loud, bringing me back to my senses. She was staring quite profusedly at a boy that had appeared infront of us, purposely blocking our way. Once I had focussed my eyes on said blockade, I realised it was the mute boy that I had run into earlier with my parents. He was still wearing that incredibly embarassing costume, but it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest which I guess I had to respect him for. He glared at Red for a second before turning to me.

"What's she doing here?". Oh. So he wasn't a complete mute then. Taking in his voice, I noticed it was a lot lower than I had expected it to be, which had caught me off guard slightly. (The fact that he had infact spoke at all, had also caught me off guard, let me just make that clear too). He was clearly unpleased with my silence as he rudely clicked his fingers in my face to try to bring me out of my thoughts. In short, it worked.

"Uh- Red?", I asked stupidly. He nodded at this in a very patronising way.

"The note said no girls", He explained tautly. Red was looking down her nose at him now, and I felt very put on the spot to defend her. However before I could even utter a word, he had already rebegun talking... I think to himself. "Why make a note when you knew assholes weren't going to read it. You want someone on your team and they decide to bring all their mates. I'm '_sure'_ I didn't put a 'plus one' on the invitation". I was glad that he was talking to himself, because I couldn't even begin how to describe how sarcastic he was being... too himself. I'm pretty sure no one would ever want to be on the receiving end of that. I know I didn't. Mainly because I wouldn't even know how to respond.

"Look...", I began quietly so that this mentally unstable kid wouldn't lose his head. He placed his eyes on me, faking interest in what I was saying. "If you really want me on... whatever your team is cal-".

"Pfft... Did you even read the invitation dick?", he cut me off in a snarky town. I felt Red's grip on my hand tighten slightly in anger.

"Clearly not". It was my turn to be sarcastic. "Me and Red here just thought it'd be nice to drop by a random house to say hello". He choked out a very short and undignified laugh.

"Ever think about joining the Sarcastaball team?", He joked. This time I couldn't tell whether he was actually being sarcastic or not.

"As I was sayi- Sarcastaball?". Before I could continue, and before this Dovakhin kid could reply, Red sighed impatiently. She clearly didn't want to be around the sarcastic shit-lord infront of her for much longer. This was an action I seconded. "Nevermind...", I quickly cut in. "Look. If you want me on your team then you're letting Red play too".

"Yeah", she interjected as if it helped her cause. Dovakhin sighed at this, before turning to look inside the room we were originally planning on going in. Noting that only about three other people had come to his 'important' meeting, he nodded in surrender.

"Fine. But if your maiden gets kidnapped, don't come running to me". He quickly added, "Your King", at the end of his sentence as if it were vital I knew this. Red only spluttered a very boisterous and clearly disapproving laugh. Red was gifted with Dovakhin's two fingers raised in backwards-peace fashion. I could tell this was going to be a fun day.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Oh God -ACK- What A-are we g-going to d-do!", Tweek panicked as he grasped onto the nearest person to him in desperation. To Craig's displeasure, the closest person to Tweek appeared to be him. "We're in -ERG- shit, man!". Craig rolled his eyes, while he simultaneously pried Tweek's hands from his jacket.

"Clyde? Any help?", Craig's nasally voice sounded, as he gestured towards the panicked blonde infront of him. No longer than two seconds passed before Clyde's very own nasally reply was heard.

"You're a level sixteen thief. You can handle this". This was said with a hint of jealously. Of course, seeing as the wizard king very much hated Clyde's guts, it was only fair that Clyde had lost all of his levels when he rejoined the game. He was, as of yet, only a level four warrior. Lazily wiping down a wooden sword with a towel, he awaited Craig's reply. Of course, seeing as this was Craig we were talking about. The response was not vocal. Infact, it came in the form of his two middle fingers. Letting go of Tweek to symbol this with his hands had left the possibility of Tweek latching on to his jacket very much open... and that is what Tweek resulted in doing. This time however, Tweek was shaking Craig quite roughly so that he could regain his attention. Dejectedly, Craig turned his head from Clyde to Token.

"I'm staying out of this Craig", came Token's answer to Craig's unasked question. All Craig did in response was cut his eyes at his friend before deciding to take care of the situation himself. He quickly forced Tweek's arms away from his jacket, before giving him a harsh shove to remove Tweek from himself. This resulted in Tweek falling backwards onto the grass of Cartman's backgarden.

"Bloody hell Craig you didn't need to that", Token reasoned sternly as he rushed over to help Tweek up.

"He was annoying me". He said this, as if it was reason enough to shove someone to the ground.

"You annoy me. You don't see me pushing you to the ground", Token spat back as he helped Tweek to his feet. Almost instantly the blonde had latched his arm onto Token's wrist to both steady himself, and to have someone to hold for when his panic attack would undoubtedly restart. That was the thing with Tweek. He knew when he was going to have a crazy panic-stricken moment, and no matter how hard he tried to conceal it, it would always burst out of him in an metaphorically explosive way. He was a ticking time bomb, and no one was safe.

"Only because you don't have the guts to push me to the ground", Craig snidely remarked, as he fiddled lazily with his plastic knife.

"Don't make me prove you wrong", Token suddenly spat as he forced his arm out of Tweek's grip.

"C'mon fellas. How a-are we meant to beat the elves if we're fighting against each other", Butters reasoned as he exited the tent that was apparently the King's throne room. His reasoning was noted by Token, but went unheard by Craig who didn't care for the opinions of someone like Butters.

"What's Cartman doing in there?", Clyde asked as he finished up, polishing his wooden sword.

"Making a c-contract, so", he paused momentarily while he fiddled with his hands. "So none of us can d-double cross him like Kenny did".

"Seriously?", Craig snorted. He found the idea of a contract for something so meaningless stupid and redundant. This belief was truly replicated in Butter's mind. The difference between the two however, was the reason for their beliefs. Craig just found the concept of a contract stupid, while Butter's was too naive and actually believed that no one would backstab Kupa Keep, even without the prospect of a contract hanging over their heads.

"A-A contract? N-No way man! That's -AGH- way too much pressure!".

"Look assholes!". Cartman had finally decided to present his peasants with his presence. He had his staff equipped in one hand, and the other clasped around a rolled up piece of paper that he had previously scrunched, un-scrunched, tore and stained with coffee water so that it looked aesthetically believeable. "I'm the king and I say contract! If that's 'too much pressure'...", he paused after mimicking Tweek in a very patronising way, as if to draw out laughter and applause for his, (in his opinion), excellent impersonation of the frazzled kid. To his joy both Craig and Clyde let out the slightest chuckle which was enough to fuel Cartman's ego that little bit more. "...Then you will find yourself banished from space and time. We all know how that turned out don't we". At this, everyone turned to look at Clyde.

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"Where the fuck is Kenny?", Kyle let out an exasperated sigh, as he sat back in his 'throne' uncomfortably. Seeing as the elven kingdom hadn't really been in operation since the humans and elves had teamed up the kingdom, (or Kyle's backgarden if you'd prefer), was more of a junkyard then a kingdom. For a throne Kyle had fished up an old deck chair, and the weapon's stall that Kenny should've been manning was literally just a piece of cardboard laying on the floor. If you were a lucky recruit you'd get a cricket bat or a tennis racket. If you were unlucky, you'd be left with the scraps. A roll of newspaper or a splintering branch for example.

"Maybe he's still trying to talk Damien over. You know how hot headed he gets", Stan commented to try to reassure his friend.

"Timmeh!", Timmy shouted in what seemed to be agreement. Jimmy had easily recruited Timmy to the elven side, seeing as they were pretty much bestfriends. Jimmy had stuggled recruiting the third graders, and even when he played them a song on his flute to their request, only two third graders actually decided to join the game they were playing. Of course, Kyle was very quick to voice his opinions about the fact that only two kids had been recruited, but Jimmy decidedly ignored him, believing that Kyle was just stressed out by the fact that Cartman and his Kupa Keep Cronies were undoubtedly going to waste the Elven Kingdom. Stan hadn't done much better. The girls had full on rejected to play the game, mainly because Wendy was still a little sour from what Stan had said on the school bus when they were travelling to the Appreciation camp. She was going to make sure that the 'yucky' girls (as Stan had called them), weren't going to play with the boys. The vampire kids was a whole other story. They were literally cultist-leeches who had said they'd only play Stan's game if he became one of them. Stan had enough of the whole 'dark-gothic' scene when he and Wendy last broke up, and there was no way he was drinking clammato juice and pretending to be a blood sucking pest just to get them to join in on the game. He'd rather staple his own eyes shut than go out his way to please some whack-job vampire wannabes. Of course, Kyle wasn't happy with the entire 'zero' people Stan had recruited, but he shut up when Stan suggested Kyle go through with the whole clammato juice ritual himself. As stated above, Kenny was still not back from trying to find Damien. Kyle had been more successful and had recruited Ike and three of his kindergartener friends. This meant, that even with the joint effort of Jimmy, Stan, Kenny and Kyle, they had only recruited seven more people. Six of which were younger then the entirety of Cartman's team, meaning that they may aswell have not tried to recruit anyone at all.

"Come on Kenny", Kyle muttered out loud. "It's all up to you now".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"What are you doing Cartman?".

"That's king Cartman to you hippee". At Cartman's remark, Token let out an annoyed sigh. "If you must know, I'm letting the humans know we're planning an attack on the elven assholes at five".

"You g-gonna use Twitter?", Butters asked nervously as he twirled his hammer around in his hand. His reply earned him a stern stare from the wizard king himself.

"Carrier Raven you butthole!". Butters jumped slightly at the sound of Cartman's outburst, causing Clyde to grin.

"Why are you putting it on the 'Carrier Raven'", Craig butted in, making sure to air-quote Carrier Raven with his fingers. "Won't the elves find out?".

"It doesn't matter if they do", Clyde interjected as he made his way over to stand by Token. "They don't have enough elves to fight us all off".

-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-

"No way man. I am not cupping a fart", I cried as Dovakhin demonstrated how to do it right infront of my eyes. I'm not going to lie, how he managed to cup a fart and fling it into Red's face was quite amazing, (and disgustingly cruel), but there was no way I wanted to do that. I wouldn't class myself as a gentleman, but I was gentleman enough to know flinging farts into people's faces was not the way to go.

"Look. I've gave you and your tart a uniform and I've taught you how to play the game, so just do this one thing for me". It was tru-

"Hey! Don't call Red a tart!", I shouted, once I had realised what he had called her. He decidedly ignored me, and ceased being this amazing fart-teacher that he was so insistent on being. As I was previously going to say before I was cut off, everything he had said was true. He had taught me and Red how to play the game. It was basically a real life representation of those role playing games. You know what games I'm talking about, right? Those ones where you have to press attack or heal or some other option. I think Final Fantasy had a similar layout, but I'm not entirely sure about that. He had also given me and Red two uniforms. Red was dressed in a velvetty-red fake-fur jacket. However, to make her seem more like a warrior, and less like a cat-walk fashionista, Dovakhin had cellotaped circle-cutouts of tin foil around her elbows, and entire cake-tin to her chest. I guess this also provided some form of protection. She was basically a junkyard princess. Did that make me junkyard prince? She is my junkyard princess after all isn't she? Wait. What the hell am I saying. Pull yourself together Nathan. Pull yourself together.

"What you thinking about 007?", Dovakhin snorted as he picked up a plastic blade and shimmied it through his belt. He had begun calling me 007 because of the lousy costume he had given me. We were meant to be pretending we were in some medieval age, but you had Red dressed up similar to those girls on 'Toddlers And Tiaras', and me dressed up in a wooly black hat, a black t-shirt and basically black everything else. He had even used shoe polish and two fingers to draw lines on my left cheek. In Dovakhin world, this get up made me look like a spy. I believed it made me look more like a mime that just hadn't had chance to put on the white face paint yet. Another kid that had joined Dovakhin's team was practically wearing a dress however... so I guess I couldn't really complain that much.

"Oi. Douchebag". Dovakhin turned his head to face a boy who had apparently entered his garden while I wasn't paying attention.

"I don't go by that name anymore Damien", Dovakhin spat to the black haired Damien. This resulted in Damien rolling his eyes just to show how little he cared about Dovakhin's opinion.

"Captain Douchebag", he spoke with sarcastic emphasis on the word captain. "The humans are planning an invasion on the elves at five o'clock". Dovakhin went to reply with some undoubtedly sarcastic remark before taking in what Damien had said.

"But they're on the same team?", he spoke in a slow dumbed-down fashion while the calculations his mind was completing displayed on his face in the form of confusion.

"Clearly not", Damien commented narkily. All Dovakhin did in reply was smile.

"A three-way-war it is then".

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Chapter Seventeen... I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good as previous ones. I just really wanted to update the story but because of exams and revision it's sort of knocked me out of sync. What also didn't help was the fact that during my revision, my laptop decided it would be a suitable time to get Blue Screen Of Death. Somehow my laptop was saved but everything I had ever done and saved was deleted. COMPLETELY GONE. That includes the basic plot I had wrote for this story. Luckily I remember key details, but not everything I was originally going to include so you guys are going to have to bare with me on this story. Hope you guys understand!**

**Disclaimer; Even after all this time... South Park STILL isn't mine. Damn.**

_**Review Thanking Time;**_

**IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch**** - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and I'm also glad you're liking the FirecrotchXRed shipping ahah! I did have some sort of plan for Pip, but I truly can't remember what it actually was. Don't worry, I'll think of something! (BTW, that Kenny flashing tits at the hallway statement was just genius. You really made me crease dude!).**

**cortez30**** - I'm glad someone understands what I was going through. Over loading is indeed Hell so I completely agree with you lol!**

**Wally-Waterson**** - Finally, a new face ahah! Thanks for the review and I'm glad you like the story and the romantic side thing too ahah! Hopefully this was a good update for you!**


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